Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dating Recap

The date with blue-eyed Jersey Boy was good to go on, but rather run of the mill overall. Not worthy of a ManBearPig comment.

The bonus for me was that I ate well at a restaurant. Salad, garlic marinade grilled shrimp, and broccoli.

My biggest complaint:

Why do men (or women for that matter) think it is acceptable to rant about their exes so much, especially on a first date? What do they think it is accomplishing or sharing? To me, it just comes right back to the same question: If EX was that horrible, why in the world did you marry/move in with EX? The past two guys have even admitted that they "knew something wasn't quite right but married anyway." It makes me feel as though they have poor judgment, or they tend to think negatively and cannot see the good of situations.

What felt good:
  • We shared some laughs.
  • I beat him by two strokes in mini golf.
  • Seems proud of his family business.
  • We shared some stories about growing up Polish (babcias and chruĊ›ciki) and Italian.
  • He thanked me for an enjoyable evening, on his "43rd birthday eve."
  • He kissed me, rather than me kissing him.

What felt slightly odd/off:
  • He's medium build, my height. I felt huge.
  • Many *crickets* (aka awkward silences).
  • Vulgar language about ex.
  • Gave up way too much information about divorce and ex, including $ figures.
  • He doesn't drink.
  • He was overly interested in my food selection.
  • He's been in 7 passion plays and regrets not pursuing an acting career.
  • Believes James Caviezel has been touched by God.
  • Several times when I was looking at him, he said "What...."
  • Named his son after his favorite musician: Just(in) Elvis.
  • He split the bill.
  • He didn't compliment me at all.
  • No fireworks in the kiss.
So, the odd/offs outweigh the good, but if he asked me out again, would I go? I don't know. I had to pay my own way. How much of a date is that? And you know how Steve Harvey says that when men first meet you, they immediately have a plan? Well, I got the feeling when we first hugged hello, Jersey Boy's only plan with me was to bang, to bang.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Next Right Choice

Just another day in my life. The Sox have lost 1st place. To the Yankers. They need to get it back.

I'm logging my workouts, because the crackberry is acting funny and I don't want to lose the data. As I write all this down, I can't help but think "If this doesn't show a loss on Monday, I'm doing something wrong..."

Well, whatever. I'm feeling good. The number on the scale doesn't matter all that much. Just going to drink a gallon of water, do some laundry, take a power nap in the hammock, and toss the frisbee for the Chadster.

Looking foward to meeting the blue-eyed Jersey Boy tonight. And if I can beat him at Monster mini golf, all the better! Mmmwwhhhaaaaa!

Saturday, May 30
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 82
Average heart rate: 136
Max heart rate: 153
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.8/3.0 mph
Last 20 minutes, level 19 @ 3.0 mph
Calories: 935 Distance: 2.91 Time: 65:00

Note: Level 19 is feeling really good. I could feel every cell in my body come alive as I reached 14.2% incline. I was climbing a mountain, putting my special mountain climbing boots all over ManBearPig heads. It was empowering.


Friday, May 29
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 86
Average heart rate: 138
Max heart rate: 153
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 430 Distance: 1.36 Time: 35:00

Leg Press
50 lbs, 3 sets of 12 reps

Row/Rear deltoids machine
25 lbs, 3 sets of 12 reps

Ab Press
40 lbs, 3 sets of 12 reps

Standing heart rate: 68
Average heart rate: 134
Max heart rate: 156
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 438 Distance: 1.38 Time: 35:00

Calories: 868 Distance: 2.74 Time: 70:00

Note: Welcome to my weight machine sandwich with some cardio bread. Taste? Dry. I did not feel well with Ab Press. I felt it was hurting my lower back exactly at the problem area. I will probably just do my own mini crunches at home flat on my back on the bed. No reason why that can't be effective for now. I also had to really "trick" myself on the 2nd cardio, which is never an issue when I do a straight 60 minutes. I had to tell myself, "Just try to make it to 10 minutes, then you can stop. Just try to make it another 5 minutes." Saturday morning, my legs felt tight. That's a good thing. They're supposed to feel something!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Friday Fragments

morning weight: total f-ing plateau
hopefully the weights will help this along...

That is what some of you call it isn't it? When you have a bunch of random things on a Friday? Hell, I don't know. I don't usually follow convention. Which is where I sometimes get into trouble.

Speaking of trouble...

Soxy FYI, this photo links to the replay if you want. ;-)

I am SO PROUD of my Tek...yesterday he hit two HRs and then he protected his mouthy, uncensored, heat-of-the-moment pitcher (Becks, I love how hot-tempered ya are; you must be great in bed.) from getting thrown out.

As for men and their bed potential, check out the ManBearPig Virtual Bar for an update on PT Guy. I posted the first vent! You knew it was coming from this flake!

So I'm going to kick it at the gym tonight. Cardio and weights are my dates. Yeah baby. Re-inspired by the arrival of my 20 lb reward:

It fits a bit snuggly when buttoned up, so another 20 lbs will really help me rock this shirt in time for playoffs! I can do it Soxy Deb!

But no despair here. It is going to be a different Friday night than the last two. Because I do have a date tomorrow night so I have something to look forward to. Jersey City, born and raised, Polish Italian, 42, sky blue eyes. We're going to play Monster MiniGolf. Right now, I suspect he's smaller framed than I am. But I'm keeping an open mind. We'll see.

After all, the peonies have opened in the front yard, so love is welcome here, anytime!

And I leave you all with one of the more amusing things I've seen on a Jersey highway (I've seen enough horrible things to be writing a novel about it). I witnessed this transport yesterday...

I sure hope they were going somewhere fun!


Thursday, May 28
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 72
AVERAGE heart rate: 139
Max heart rate: 156
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 3.0 mph
Last 10 mins: level 19 @ 3.0
Calories: 899 Distance: 2.82 Time: 65:00

Note: Finally at ease with level 18, I am starting to creep my way into level 19.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The MBP Virtual Vent

The ManBearPig
Virtual Venting Bar
Is Open!

I have been bestowed an award
for ignoring ManBearPig (formerly, Mr Listener)!
I love you Sweden!

In honor of this honor,
I've decided to offer up something similar to
(and inspired by) Georgie's Monthly Confessional...

The ManBearPig
Virtual Venting Bar
Is Open!

So pull up a virtual bar stool,
order a drink from the bartender,
and share your very own
past & present ManBearPig stories,
right here on this dedicated page.

Let it out, ladies!
Be anonymous or not,
(I do not track ISPs)
tell us your worst nightmare date,
your horrid boyfriend story,
or whatever else having to do
with ManBearPigs
you simply want to get off your mind.

Please, I beg you,
make a comment
and vent away!

What Do I Eat?

I wanted to respond to a reader's question. As they didn't provide any contact information, I'll post it here.

May 26, 2009 10:02 AM

Anonymous said...

By the way, may I know your eating habits? Like what do you eat for breakfast, lunch? I'm keen to know how to diet and since you're losing weight, I might as well ask you :)


I've written about this a few times in the past. If you want, take a look through the archives. I started off without any carbs except for what was in the vegetables. Now I've let some creep back in, but I try to make them the good carbs.

Below are my Daily Plate customized menu items.

The reason the calorie amounts are low is because they are really small portions. I have become appalled at the portion sizes in this country. A real eye-opener for me.

The core of this menu never changes for me. Boring for some perhaps, but I'm ok with it. I need consistency and the ability to cook ahead of time for this to work for me. I will diversify later when I've reached goal.

Weekday Breakfast
370 cals
* Hood Calorie Countdown Fat Free Milk
* Nutz Over Chocolate Mini Bar OR half a Kashi bar
* Super Advanced Body Fortress Chocolate Protein Shake

Work Lunch
268 cals
* Baby Arugula Blend
* Carved Chicken Breast-grilled Short Cuts
* Pita Chips
* Parmesan Cheese
* Calorie Free Ranch Dressing
* Baby Spinach

Weekday dinner
137 cals
* Extra Virgin Olive Oil
* Peppers, Sweet, Green
* Yellow Onion
* 100% Liquid Egg Whites

Sierra trail mix snack
407 cals
* Raw Peanuts
* Sunflower Seeds
* Raw Almonds
* Soybean Oil
* Raw Plain Cashews
* Thompson Raisins
* Organic Raw Pumpkin Seeds


Optional weekend dinners:

Dreamfield Dinner
395 cals
* Carved Chicken Breast-grilled Short Cuts
* Parmesan Cheese
* Peppers, Sweet, Green
* Yellow Onion
* Extra Virgin Olive Oil
* Dreamfield Linguine Pasta
* Fresh Garlic

Buffalo Dinner
440 cals
* Parmesan Cheese
* Peppers, Sweet, Green
* Yellow Onion
* Ground Buffalo

My Mexican Meal
324 cals
* Yellow Onion
* Taco Seasoning Mix
* Peppers, Sweet, Green
* LAND O LAKES Reduced Fat Mexican Blend Shredded Cheese
* Extra Lean Ground Breast of Turkey

Plus my daily supplements.


morning weight: h-e-a-v-y

Move over Kathy Griffin.

I've been d-listed, de-valued, de-friended.

Somehow I don't feel too shaken up about it.

Mr Listener (I can only hope he somehow found this blog because he was so bloody curious about the fact that I wouldn't share it with him), has removed himself from the structure that is my life.

Mr Loco, Mr Luuuuuser, Mr Lucky-I-Don't-Have-To-See-Him-Anymore. Mr-Only-Friend-in-Jersey.


I guess he did all that listening at the beginning so he could store up pieces of information to hurl at me when it was time to pick a fight. He seems to relish poking and prodding like a true stinging Scorpion; he told me several times about his biting email exchanges with his "stupid" ex-wife. Hmmm, noted.

Five hours after an evening watching a movie at my house, he emailed me a long detailed "dressing down" email to say that I have been cold and manipulative to him, increasingly so apparently, over the past weeks since we "agreed" to just be friends. This is particularly interesting as just a few days ago he'd commented on how less sensitive I've been and how refreshing it was.

Make up your mind asshole.

He listed 3 examples from our last evening together, including miscommunication over a phone takeout order, what movie we were going to watch, and how I demanded he handle my dog a certain way when playing.

In addition, he claims I was "constantly beating around the bush" on conversations meanwhile "expecting him to jump thru hoops" for me. OK drama boy.

And then he concluded that he was "withdrawing his offer of friendship."


Wow. I admit I'm not an "easy keeper" but....wow.

I appreciate honesty. Really. But waiting weeks for the right moment to sting me? That's not honesty. That's coiled up and waiting. And withdrawing his friendship like it was an application to medical school or a special club? Pffft. He couldn't get into the upper chambers of my heart.

My initial, visceral reaction?

Kotex his car.

1. Buy several packages of Kotex.
2. Go to his car.
3. Unpeel each pad.
4. Stick the pads all over the outside of his car.

Because clearly, ManBearPig is on the rag and needs to have a good cry.


(And no...I have no intention of feeding into his provoked ego-driven BS with an actual response.)


Wednesday, May 27
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 68
AVERAGE heart rate: 130
Max heart rate: 154
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 437 Distance: 1.36 Time: 35:00

Row/Rear deltoids machine
25 lbs, 3 sets of 12 reps

Standing heart rate: 78
AVERAGE heart rate: 139
Max heart rate: 157
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 471 Distance: 1.48 Time: 35:00

Calories: 908 Distance: 2.84 Time: 70:00

Note: I don't like breaking up the 60 minutes. I just get warmed up and hitting stride at 30 minutes. But I guess I will just get used to it again, because it is better to split the cardio on the nights I'm going to do the weights.

Monday, May 25, 2009

All My Efforts

Ugh...what happened to my 5....

Well, I know what works for me. Weighing in works for me, so weighing is what I will keep doing. The workouts require my weight information for accuracy, and I'll be damned if I am going to guess what that number is.

My weekly recap:
  • 13.01 miles walked
  • 4,128 cals burned
I should have lost 1.5 lbs according to the calories burned, not gained 2 lbs. VERY frustrating! I didn't even have ice cream. Yeah, I know I T.o.M. was here but come on.....


Taking the night off from the gym.

Just Another Treader

Well. Since PT Guy has been really persistent (of course, that was his MO before too), I've agreed to a Friday night date with him, in which he has offered to drive all the way (90 minutes) to my town.

I figure there's a 99% chance he won't show, based on his track record, but there's that 1% chance he might actually have changed as he claims. Why contact me after all those months? Who knows, maybe he's a master mindf@ker. Either way, it isn't as if I have anything else going on Friday night. It would just be me and the gym, as usual. And if he is a no-show, my gym plans can still go ahead as scheduled.

I'm feeling rather ambivalent about it. I told him this was his one shot, that's it. He blows it, he better not bother trying again. I know there are those of you who think I should do the same to him that he did to me...basically stand me up at the last minute several months ago, but I just don't have that vindictiveness inside me. Sometimes I wish I did.

I just want to have some fun, pure and simple.


Monday, May 25
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 77
AVERAGE heart rate: 139
Max heart rate: 158
Workout mode: HILL mode level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 855 Distance: 2.78 Time: 65:00

Note: The owner of the gym called me one of his superstars. Ha. I wish. So what, I go there 6 days a week. If I were a superstar, I'd be seeing more results. I have no patience whatsoever. Right now I feel like I'm just going to the gym to fend off a heart attack or something critical like diabetes. Nothing wrong with that, but it would feel better to be dropping weight. Felt fine today, not at all weak like Sunday.

Sunday, May 24

Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 68
AVERAGE heart rate: 137
Max heart rate: 156
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 854 Distance: 2.73 Time: 65:00

Note: I thought I was going to faint after today's workout. I don't know why. I drank water all day. I ate two meals during the day. I can only blame it on the heat. I really don't like hot weather. How much longer until September?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Forgive Me

I am not sure not weighing on the scale is helping me, because my workouts require me to put my weight into the machine. So I've been using the last weigh-in number, and I just know in my gut (no pun intended), that the number isn't right.

Craving ice cream badly. The 40 calorie fudgicles in the freezer seem to hold no appeal.

I forgave PT Guy and Seattle last night. Didn't hear back from Seattle, don't really expect to. PT Guy however, thanked me and then promptly asked me if he could call me sometime and what I was doing this Friday night.

Um....I don't know.

What am I doing this Friday night?

Not going out with Mr Lead-Me-On, or am I?

I don't know.

I didn't answer him but it sure gave me something to think about.


Saturday, May 23
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 77
AVERAGE heart rate: 130
Max heart rate: 156
Workout mode: CARDIO mode HR set 150 @ 2.6 mph
Calories: 328 Distance: 1.10 Time: 35:00

Note: Never again will I watch the Red Sox on TV at the gym while working out. They stole my focus AND when they starting losing, I lost my ability to finish my workout! UGH!


Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 96
AVERAGE heart rate: 135
Max heart rate: 151
Workout mode: RANDOM mode level 18 @ 2.6 mph
Calories: 407 Distance: 1.04 Time: 35:00

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Struggle of a Lifetime

This song is for me...

Because every Friday night feels like the struggle of a lifetime. The loneliness is consuming, and I do everything and anything I can just to make it through to Saturday morning.

This song is for you...

If you've lost hope, feel despair, lost your path, or you just need an encouraging hug.

Yesterday is gone. Today is here. And tomorrow is a new day.

Don't give up. It takes awhile.


Friday, May 22
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 68
AVERAGE heart rate: 130
Max heart rate: 148
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 18 @ 2.6 mph
Calories: 788 Distance: 2.50 Time: 65:00

Note: Having that chocolate martini at lunch really affected my workout 8 hours later! UGH! Also, arrived at gym at 10 PM. As I pull into the parking lot, I see 3 (thin) people sitting on a bench outside the 24-hour Dunkin Donuts that is right next to the gym (yes, and I've not gone in there once!). They're eating BaskinRobbins ice cream. *sigh* Will I ever not want that stuff? Will I ever be at goal when having an ice cream cone won't throw me off into carb craze? No sorry, fro-yo doesn't cut it. These thoughts make the lonely feelings even worse on a Friday night.

Accidents Can Happen
Don't give up, it takes a while
I have seen this look before
And it's alright
You're not alone
If you don't love this anymore
I hear that you've slipped again
I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

Take some time and learn to breathe
And remember what it means
To feel alive
And to believe
Something more than what you see
I know there's a price for this
But some things in life you must resist

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

I hear that you've slipped again
I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

You know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

So don't give up
It takes a while.

-Sixx A.M.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Bitch Mode

Happy Friday before Memorial Day!

Warning: This post has nothing to do with weight loss. But it does have to do with my mental state which is changing as I feel stronger.

Straaaaaaange week in the world of men. Come on, I'll show you...

Remember Seattle?

(Go ahead, read back, I'll wait.)

Remember PT Guy?

(Go ahead, read back, I'll be here.)

They both (independently to my knowledge, unless there's a "Let's mess with whatshername" conspiracy convention these guys all go to) have contacted me this week, within 24 hours of each other.

Ummmmm yeah. OK. Planets, what is going on for crap-out-loud's sake!?

Seattle first talked baseball, then wanted to talk about how lonely he was. *snort* Then wanted to talk about how I was mean to him. *blink* Riiiiight. Somehow you making fun of my team during the playoffs is me being mean to you. Craptastic. Here's the last stop on this reality bus buddy, GET OFF!

Meanwhile PT Guy was all Buddhist and Zen-like, all apologetic about how he "treated me poorly" and is seeking my forgiveness to cleanse himself. Wow, wrong week buddy. T.o.M. is here and kicking my ass hard. So, PT Guy, what is the deal, are you on a 12-step program working toward How to Stop Being an Asshole?

To forgive is a pure sense of power and a pure sign of letting go. I will forgive him, hell, it would do my soul good to probably forgive both of them, but I'm making PT Guy sweat it out a few days first. I told him, "Patience grasshopper, I'll get back to you." That was two days ago.

I can't help it. Right now, I'm in bitch mode baby, bitch mode overdrive.

P.S. I've been told that guys actually like that!? I'm almost 40 and I still can't figure it out.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dearest Body

Angels & Demons = Disappointing Overall (but I love the soundtrack)
Ewan "Scottish Deliciousness" MacGregor = Hottest Catholic Priest since Thornbirds
Mr Listener = unimportant
Men Chatting Me Up = 2
Potential Boyfriend Material = 0

Dearest Body,

I've been reading the GM book, and I can't get beyond a spot without your help because I'm stuck.

The book states:

"It's important to come to a point where you feel you're comfortable with your body exactly as it is right now....As contrary as this may sound, rather than being dissatisfied and impatient with your weight, try being comfortable with yourself exactly as you are right now....

"This is just another example of how accepting your negative aspects causes them to disappear. It's remarkable how effective this technique really is....If you feel you're not all right exactly as you are and that you had better lose weight quickly...you're effectively starving for self-esteem and self-acceptance...."
(page 54, The Gabriel Method)

Guess what, today I've decided. Yes, I could be comfortable at this weight, this size, the rest of my life.

260 lbs
size 22 pants
size 18/20 shirts
size 8 shoe
size 44C bra

Yes, I accept being this weight. I also accept not gaining more than this weight. I accept working out 6 days a week, and being physically fit and healthy, even if I never lose another pound.

So dear body, I invite you to chill out. I invite you to relax, and stop thinking I need to be fat, stop fighting me, and stop messing with my metabolism. Because I don't need you to do any of that. And the sooner you realize that, the better off we're both going to be.

Trust me.


Wednesday, May 20
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 77
AVERAGE heart rate: 145
Max heart rate: 164
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 18 @ 3.0 mph
Calories: 896 Distance: 2.86 Time: 65:00

Note: I wore a tank top to the gym. Bare flappy arms and all.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Popcorn Conspiracy

Since I went to the gym yesterday on my scheduled day off, I decided to take tonight off. Despite having skipped the weekend, I really feel that if I want to do the next 6 days straight, I need tonight off.

My weekly recap:
  • 12.09 miles walked (Less than last week, but makes sense.)
  • 3,946 cals burned (More than last week, which doesn't make sense but I'll take it.)
So, I'm going to see Angels & Demons with my own demon (ha...OK Mr Listener isn't that bad!). He knows nothing about the Catholic religion and it was hard for him to follow the DaVinci Code, but he wants to come so why not. If he makes a comment about how popcorn is a processed, governmentally-controlled food, I am going to dump some over his head. When Mulder talked about it, that was sexy. When Mr Listener sprouts conspiracy, it causes me to roll my eyes.

And just a reminder, girls, get your bubbies out! Tonight is Jersey night on Bravo.

Snapped this on my way to work. 20 minutes and a world away.

Shoe Sizes

Well, something interesting happened over the weekend.

I became so tired, I could only stay awake for a few hours at a time. I had to sleep. A lot. So much sleep that I couldn't even make it to the gym. I'm trying not to overthink it.

And...I went shoe shopping. I haven't been shoe shopping in about 2 years. Pathetic I know. And I sat down to try on my shoe size, the same shoe size I've been for as long as I could remember.

And they were too big.

Yes. Apparently, when you lose weight, you can go down a shoe size! Anyone else know this? I am amazed.

And thrilled. Happy me, size 8!


Monday, May 18
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 73
AVERAGE heart rate: 144
Max heart rate: 167
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 875 Distance: 2.79 Time: 65:00

Note: Pretty good workout, despite the crush of people on the machines. One year ago I wouldn't have been able to exercise with all those people running around me.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Egg White Crustless Quiche

morning weight: trying not to weigh self

Egg White Crustless Quiche


Of course, you can make it anyway you want, but here's what I did.

Egg white equivalent of 6 eggs
1/4 cup paramesan cheese

Sweat the veggies of your choice over low heat. I actually also blotted mine with paper towels to get out extra moisture. Put them into your oven-safe heavy casserole dish.

Mix the egg whites, olive oil, and cheese by hand. Pour over veggies. Add spices that you desire.

30 minutes was about 5 minutes too long in my oven but a little crispy doesn't bother me. At least it was firm when I cut into it which was my biggest fear.

How is it different from an omelet? Well, it isn't really. But I was bored. So there ya go. I avoided any milk or cream as that is just not going to be low cal or low carb enough. But I would make this again, with different ingredients each time.

This cut into 6 pieces nicely. Don't ask me the calories for each one. My answer: not much but good source of protein.

It is going to be a long hot summer and I'm not going to want to cook much.


Friday, May 15
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 72
AVERAGE heart rate: 137
Max heart rate: 154
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 18 @ 2.6 mph
Calories: 810 Distance: 2.61 Time: 65:00

Note: Let's face it, the only reason I went to the gym is because I don't have a social life. Back to feeling the way I felt before I met Mr Listener. I've been experimenting with different paces. 2.6 and 2.8 seem almost no difference in terms of calories calculated or heart rates reached. Interesting.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Friday F___

Erf. I'm so done with Grey's Anatomy and LOST for the summer! Enough despair! I cannot cry anymore. If 24 makes me cry on Monday, I will be so pissed off.

Anyway, I've posted those youthful photos of myself. And I apologize to my dear old friends who were in the photos. I didn't want to post your image without your consent, so I cropped or blurred you out. But you know I love you and I think you're more gorgeous than me by far.

  • I am feeling rebellious.
  • I wish I had a date to go on.
  • I would like to have a Long Island Iced Tea but don't want the wasted calories.
  • I would like to have a steak, medium rare, but again, would probably cause a gain.
  • I wish I could stop thinking about what to eat.
  • I wish the gym produced more results, faster. (Yes, I'm impatient and crazy.)
  • I wish the F.A.T. programs in my body would turn off.

I wish you all a fun Friday.


Thursday, May 14
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 78
AVERAGE heart rate: 132
Max heart rate: 152
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 17 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 817 Distance: 2.71 Time: 65:00

Note: Enjoying the groove.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

259 Again

morning weight: 2xx lbs
Deja vu never felt so good...

OK, lovely to see that on the scale again. But hard to get so excited because I've been here before, before, before, before.
All posts in which I weighed in at 2xx lbs. The question is, how do I stay here and keep going down!?

The last time in August, as far as I can see, it started to go wrong when I hurt my back. Then Mr Seattle flaked out on me. Then I shipped off to Massachusetts for work.

So, the back has already gone out. And I've come out of it far better. This year's Mr Seattle is Mr Listener, and he's dealt with. And I have no intentions of agreeing to go work in Massachusetts for two weeks (Still waiting on compensation for that; do I gotta love when they treat us like slaves?).

So there will be no slippage! No back-sliding into the 60s. Forward and down only.

I enjoyed my workout so much last night that I found myself wondering:

Why wasn't I doing this all my life?

And thinking back, I can't find an answer. All the mental and emotional torture of my mother aside, I was still in control of my activities by the time I hit high school. And in college, why didn't I have friends who were interested in exercise? I remember playing softball and tennis, but not consistently or on a team. When I was married at age 20, why didn't I exercise? Why? I could still be a size 16 like I was back then.

The other day I had to go and dig out photos that I liked of myself to use as the visualization/motivation for the Gabriel Method techniques I'm using to change my inner thoughts about food. I ended up with photos from when I was 17. That is actually the last time I can remember feeling "OK" with my body and looking at a photo and not cringing. Age 17, size 12.

For my old friends reading, do you remember Senior Prom? God that was such a big deal back then! If only I knew that I looked that good back then, I could have prevented myself a lifetime of struggle. And how about that 1987 cruise to Bermuda? Damn, I was a hot chica!

<...scanned photos below...>
<...click on them for larger...>

1987 HS Graduation

1987 Senior Prom

Yes, permed hair, it was the 80s!
And I have tiny ta-tas!

1987 Bermuda Cruise
Yes, my HS friend was a hottie too
though we had no clue - if only we knew!


Wednesday, May 13
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 77
AVERAGE heart rate: 141
Max heart rate: 177 (This felt amazing believe it or not.)
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 834 Distance: 2.71 Time: 65:00

Note: This was my hardest attempt to try to reach an average sustained HR of 145 bpm. Thank God for my little ePulse monitor, because the treadmill insisted on reading someone else's HR for most of my workout. At one point, my ePulse said 144 and the treadmill said 98. Um yeah no.

VTEK Shirt Challenge

(This is a post for my good Red Sox friend, Soxy Deb.)

Dear Soxy,

We hereby invite you
to aspire to your moniker!

September is only
3 months
and 2 weeks away!

Please consider this
your engraved invitation

The VTEK Shirt Challenge!

Email the
Red Sox Mafia Headquarters

for Challenge Rules.

Disclaimer: Any similarities to any other challenges, contests,
dreams, plans, or mental wanderings of others is strictly coincidental.

A Jersey Moment

Many many many thanks to Forever A Jersey Girl for bestowing this award on me:

I am now tasked with nominating up to 9 blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire me.

Hmmm. OK everyone that is linked on the right side under I Got My Eye on You is hereby tagged with winning this award. Because let's face it, I don't waste time. I wouldn't be following you if you did not allure, amuse, bewitch, impress, or inspire me!

I hope my new friend, self-proclaimed lurker will not be offended by the rest of this post. After all, Jersey girls are not ones to be messed with, and after all, I am a transplant.

Disclaimer: I am not a reality tv junkie. At all. In fact, I would say that I am whatever the opposite would be: a reality tv poo-poo-er perhaps? I just think that my time and entertainment is more valuable than that. I guess I'd rather waste the hour watching cuties in baseball uniforms.

Having said that....

O.M.G. New Jersey Housewives = HILARIOUS!

All I'm going to say is: "I love you, but you need bubbies..."

Evidence that money cannot buy class. Trashy TV, I think I love it. Take a look at the clip below (definitely worth coming on to the web site for, my beloved feedblitz fans).

First house I was going to rent in Jersey was in Franklin Lakes. Not kidding. I could have had the same zipcode as these women. Who knew. I think I'm glad I don't. It is bad enough I'm going to have to take the Princess of Sweden on a tour now.

(Reality: Thank God I have you as an excuse! When are you coming down Sweden!?)


Tuesday, May 12
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 78
AVERAGE heart rate: 129
Max heart rate: 159
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 17 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 610 Distance: 2.08 Time: 50:00

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Slow & Steady

20 lbs lost in 2009...

And by the way, that's 10 lbs lost since meeting Mr Listener. Good to see that he hasn't negatively impacted my world.

Working on my dating profile, going to do a little verbal spring cleaning, and list myself as available again.

He has called me 3 times, each time to discuss very mundane, friend-like things. I'm OK with that. And thank you all for being supportive. It has truly been an interesting experience getting to know him. I'm trying to keep the good (knowing someone so close by) and leave the bad (not dating potential anymore). Since having said what I said on Sunday night, I feel better. Less pressure on myself, less walking on eggshells. And it will be easier to stop thinking of dating him once I accept to meet someone else for a date. I know that's how my mind functions.

I do think, though, that I will heed the universe's warning and stay away from Scorps in the dating world. They make good friends, but lousy partners, for my sign Sags. Maybe the 5th warning will stick.

Monday, May 11, 2009

No Bimbo in Limbo

morning weight: 262 lbs
I'm OK with that...today.

Tonight is my night off from the gym. And believe it or not, I'm a little bit disappointed. But I will enjoy the time otherwise. It is important to rest the body and nourish the soul.

I'm going to start recapping my weeks, looking back to see the facts so I can be proactive and have a better week ahead.

I feel great about my fitness achievements. Despite grappling with the "mind over matter" of what to eat/not to eat. I cannot deny the workout numbers are really something good.

During the last 6 days at the gym:
  • 13.68 miles (That is more mileage than I expected it to be.)
  • 3,544 cals (OK not so much but...essentially, this is the caloric equivalent of 1 lb so I can't be too upset.)
Yay for me. Seriously, I've made some great personal and private improvements in my life.


What I don't feel great about (and what should probably be its own post) is my entangled situation with Mr Listener. I've pretty much tossed in the towel.

In hindsight, what a difference a few weeks makes. If you have the time to read, here's the extended 20/20 version. Otherwise, you can skip down to "What Happened Last Night."

I have:
  • Offered support and advice when asked about what to do about certain situations involving time with his son or dealing with his difficult ex.
  • Offered advice when asked about his furnace, his lawn, his driveway, his furniture, and his managerial role with his staff at work.
  • Supported his initiative to begin working out, something he did not even think about changing before he met me. He's now considering joining my gym.
  • Listened to and commiserated with his "knee problems, getting older, lack of motivation" conversations. I have shared what worked for me, helpful web sites for information, and heard what worked for him in the past.
Personally, I don't feel this is too much. I like to give; it comes easily to me. I'm willing to invest my time and energy into a relationship. I think that something or someone worth having in my life is worth the hard work. This all sounds to me the way a solid connection with someone should be, providing the connection is reciprocal.

However, in addition to his "I'm just not attracted to your current body type..." admission, Mr Listener has expressed two other stumbling blocks with me:
  1. I am too sensitive, and thus, allow my emotions to get in the way of my rationality at times.
  2. I assume too many things about him or his reactions (apparently according to him, others have done this with him as well, because he's just so "atypical," that no one gets him.)
I accept the too sensitive issue, because I've been working on that already before I met him. But the 2nd "assumption" claim, really bristles me. I am gathering my reactions to how he is presenting himself; it can't ALL be me misunderstanding or making assumptions. I must be forming some conclusions based his actions or lack of actions. He does not seem willing to accept even this possibility, yet he claims he is extremely open-minded and flexible.

*taking a deep breath*


Anyone still with me? That's a lot of bullshit to read. Sorry about that.

But I wrote all that to give this more meaning.....

What Happened Last Night

So, last night, after the Red Sox won an exciting game, I was so happy and so feeling good that I took Mr Listener's offer (pretty much a daily request of his) to "stop by" the restaurant. I decided that I would have a celebratory mug of tea and some good conversation. Unlike Friday night, I was not going expecting date-like attention, but I also knew Sundays are dead there and I would be able to have a conversation.

I walked in beaming. He said "I guess they won?" I said "Yes and I'm here to celebrate. Drinks on the house for everyone." Just a joke, there's no bar there.

Immediately he hands me what he has in his hands: An old issue of Ironman magazine. I tried to find the exact cover online, but couldn't. Here's one for effect:

I raised my brows. On this cover that I was staring at, there were two extremely hard-muscled, scantily-bikini-clad females locked in an embrace.

(And....what would YOU think at this point? He hasn't said a word yet.)

Trying not to "assume," nor be "too sensitive" and jump to the conclusion that he expects me to look like that some day, I inquire, "Oh, what's this?"

"I'm looking through it for inspiration..."

I double-blink, and I can't help but let out a little laugh. "Really? Wow, I had no idea you wanted to become a bodybuilder."

He takes it from me and flips thru it to a photo of a guy ripped beyond belief. I felt physically ill, and I think it showed on my face. He asked, "What do you think of this?"

I tried to be supportive, but all I could think of was yuck. "I think that is rather extreme. I'm not sure I know anyone who looks like that. I'm not sure I would be attracted to that..."

He looked shocked. "Really? Why not?" Then he grinned, "Well, at least now you know how it feels for me....you just can't help what you're attracted to and what you're not attracted to..."

I stared at him. If I had the tea in my hands at the moment, I probably would have thrown it at him.

Fair enough, I thought. Touche. And suddenly it became so clear...at the risk of repeating myself...if he's just not that into me, then he's just not that into me. Long list of 20 qualities about me that he IS attracted to notwithstanding. Spending all his free time with me or on the phone with me notwithstanding.

So after the restaurant closed, I told him that I couldn't wait in this torturous limbo anymore and I had to move forward, even if he was taking the scenic "we'll see" route. I wasn't going to fawn over him and keep my libido revving up in anticipation that I fall into the right weight loss category for him. That IF he liked me more than a friend in the future, then he should let me know. Otherwise, I hoped he'd join me in being good friends.

And I would try my best to continue being a really good friend to him, but that I felt it was important that he realize not everything I say or do can be suspect to "making assumptions" or "being overly sensitive." That sometimes I'm reacting based on him. So he should be MORE sensitive to that. And then I said that I would consider dating others now. He said he understood and that no one knows what the future holds and that he would continue to care very much for me and that we should not hold back sharing as good friends do, but that he admitted he "couldn't be sure [he] wouldn't be jealous."

Hmmm. OK. Be jealous buddy. You're the only one stopping yourself from having more.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to keep moving forward rather than float around in limboworld. I hate limboworld, especially because it rhymes with bimboworld.

I'm no bimbo in limbo baby.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Mom Translator

Happy Mother's Day to all, including those who don't have kids but take care of pets!

I won't post the hilarious clip JT and Andy did on SNL last night because it might offend some people, but this SNL clip is definitely PG. At least they mentioned Kiefer (if you get this by email, I don't think the video shows up, you might want to come to the site to see this):

I did 5.32 miles for a combined 1269 calories burned yesterday. If that doesn't erase the french fries and ice cream I had on Friday night, nothing will.

According to the Gabriel Method, I'm supposed to be embracing myself and not restricting what I eat, but I can't do that. According to that philosophy, until I'm able to do that, the weight will be a struggle to come off. Yet I know if I don't restrict what I eat, I will gain all the pounds I fought so hard to lose. So I am in a quandary.

Mr Listener wanted me to come down and keep him company last night. I said no.


Saturday, May 9
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 76
AVERAGE heart rate: 127
Max heart rate: 140
Workout mode: FAT BURN, HR 135 @ 2.6 mph
HR leveled out at incline 8
Calories: 702 Distance: 2.65 Time: 65:00

Note: I knew this would just be the warm-up as I wanted to do 5 miles so I took it easy.



Saturday, May 9

Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 85
AVERAGE heart rate: 132
Max heart rate: 140
Workout mode: MANUAL, 4.0 incline @ 2.6 mph
Calories: 567 Distance: 2.67 Time: 65:00

Note: Really reached down inside myself to stay and do another hour. Found it mentally, but not physically, hard. When I was done, I felt good that I did it, but also a little lonely. When I try to tell Mr Listener numbers about my accomplishments, he doesn't get it and doesn't seem impressed. All I know is, THAT'S not being supportive.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

At This Moment

I had a lousy Friday night. I'm trying to understand why. I am sure if I just think this through I can reach some conclusion. So I'm going to just ramble about things in chronological order and see what comes up.

Thursday night Mr Listener called and asked me 3 times if I was going to stop by the restaurant that night. I thought it was sweet and actually felt really nice that he wanted to see me for whatever reason. I wasn't planning on it, had my evening all sorted out, and really felt too tired and really couldn't spend much time if I did go. And it felt good to tell him no. So I had set in my mind that Friday night would be a better night to go hang out at the restaurant. I was actually looking forward to it. In my mind I think I set it up as a "mini date" which was probably my mistake.

Friday, everyone at work was exhausted and all anyone could talk about was the weekend and how they couldn't wait to enjoy it. Several people asked me what my plans were. I had none. What's wrong with not having plans?

And then, I got two new messages from two new guys at OKCupid. Mind you, I haven't checked my profile there since I started seeing Mr Listener; these two guys were the first contacts anyone has made in 6 weeks. I always do respond when someone sends me a message, even if it is to say thanks but no thanks. The last update I made to the profile was to remove "dating" and keep "new friends" as to the "I'm seeking" section. (By the way, Mr Listener never altered his profile to reflect any changes in his status. No big deal, nothing was committed in any way. Just a female/male behavior observation.)

So I wrote back to these guys. And they both seemed equally on the ball, able to hold a conversation, and somewhat local, within a few towns. And our conversations moved along all day via emails in which I said I was dating, but casually, blah blah blah. (Well, it is true! I just didn't want to date anyone but Mr Listener.) So everything was well-stated from the start. So, one of the guys asked me what I was doing Friday night and did I want to meet up for a drink. I said I already had plans but I might have time during the weekend. Again, felt nice to have someone interested, even if nothing comes from it, even if he hasn't met the ginormous body that's attached to the lovely photos, lovely face, and lovely words.

Meanwhile, Mr Listener was eager to see me, calling to ask when I would arrive at the restaurant and how he was looking forward to seeing me and we joked about rolling out the red carpet. I spent a lot of time getting ready, different outfits, hair, makeup, foregoing dinner at home to eat there, etc. Everything planned out. I left the house feeling good. Really.

But the moment I walked in, I remembered why I don't like to go there on Friday nights. It is way too busy and he only has short bursts of time to talk, which makes any real conversation stilted. Hey, it's his job, I get it. I am always prepared with a book or my laptop. I don't sit there expecting his attention. I'm not a diva, even though some friends say I should be, I'd get more attention that way. But I think in my heart, what I really wanted last night was a date. Full of flirting romantic conversation and looks.

But instead he was in a joking around mood, and I guess I was mostly tired. I felt that I wasn't smiling as much as I usually do, and I found myself staring off into the distance often. Even when he had a moment to sit down with me, I felt that I was alone. That's a lousy feeling. He commented that when I was tired my sense of humor turned off. I complimented him on the color of his shirt, how it matched his eyes, etc. He didn't mention my clothes, hair or anything. He did say that it was good to see me and he did thank me for coming down to spend my Friday night there with him.

But I ate. And ate. Bad choices that once they were on the table, I regretted. And I think I overate because I was trying to replace the fact that....he's just not attracted to me enough. I started looking around at the other guys, including the customers, gauging their cuteness, etc. to distract myself from how attracted I've become to Mr Listener. I buried my head in my book (Denis Leary's Why We Suck - freaking hilarious and an easy read in a loud place) and read passages out to Mr Listener when he had a moment. We did share some good laughs, but inside I wanted to cry.

I didn't stay until closing because I didn't want to face the moment when we'd be alone and I'd want to kiss. For the record, this week during a phone conversation, he said he still wants to kiss me very much but that he doesn't want to lead me on because we're not exactly "on the same page" in terms of our feelings.

When I left, I felt so incredibly "alone in the universe" again. I guess it isn't a healthy thing for me (physically or emotionally) to go hang out there, at least not when it is a busy night.

Maybe this is a good weekend to do some writing, or perhaps some production work on getting my collection of poetry ready for self publishing.

Of course my Soxy boys are on FOX and ESPN this weekend so I can see their Soxy selves in glorious 30-inch height instead of watching it on the 14-inch laptop. As long as I don't turn their games into eating marathons. Maybe I should watch part of today's national game while treading at the gym.

All I can say is I am close to the edge, I can see myself falling and failing. And I'm trying to hold on to the edge. I'm trying not to fall off. That's the best I can do at this moment.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Grey's Soxy Friday

no change...no problem...

Leave it to the ever dark and dreary Seattle-based Grey's Anatomy to take a usually joyful Hollywood moment of a wedding 3 years in the making and twist it into so much of tearjerker that you find yourself looking for a bottle of Prozac afterward.

Thank goodness for the Sox. They were certainly a bright spot, making history in the 6th inning. Aw go on, click on it, it is only 1:07 minutes in length, your boss isn't watching (so what if he/she is, it is Friday afterall), and it shows you exactly why baseball is an unpredictable and exciting game! Do you really think Soxy Deb and I would enjoy something that was boring? LOL


Thursday, May 6
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 76
AVERAGE heart rate: 128
Max heart rate: 144
Workout mode: RANDOM, level 17 @ 2.8/3.0 mph
Calories: 752 Distance: 2.74 Time: 65:00

Note: Not nearly the level of intensity I've been focused on since getting the epulse monitor, but it felt good not to have to struggle and just "enjoy" the feeling of feeling good. My back is feeling better 90% of the time now. This is good.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mr Scorpio

So Mr Listener has been a bit of a Scorpion again lately. Moody and such. Maybe I should call him Mr Scorpio. I knew my Sagittarian self would have issues with his Scorpion self. It is best to distance my sensitive soul at such moments, and I have. But he still calls me, still asks me about my day, still expresses concern for things, so I can't completely shut off. For all his moodiness, he's still a really geniune guy.

A day ago, out of the blue, he asked me if I ever considered the idea of being his roommate in his house.

Which word did you stumble over?

For me, it was r-o-o-m-m-a-t-e.

Um yeah, no.

Thanks, but no.

Not going to share space with someone I'm not in a couple's relationship with. to which he said, "Hmmm, ok. Well, keep it in mind." And then he went on about putting his ad in the newspaper.

But I find his pondering of this situation odd and interesting, because he's got such a problem with the pet hair (to which he said he'd just keep his bedroom door closed). And his yard doesn't have a fence (to which he said he'd be willing to help me put one up).

I think the man doesn't think things through as much as I would. He's never seen Duncan get into one of his moods and sit on top of the refrigerator to survey his land below. He's never seen Chad in a thunderstorm. He's never...did I mention we've only known each other a little more than 2 months? Do you really ask someone you don't know that well to consider moving in with you? I guess you do, when you're desperate for help to pay the mortgage. I was forced to do that once too, and I'll never forgive myself for it. Totally ruined my farm life.

Anyway, combine those odd thoughts with with the weather, the fact that the rescue dog STILL cannot stop scratching herself (3 months and MANY products and options later), and the rumors flying around work that there will be a department reorg in October, and I'm just plum tuckered out.

The other day I was standing at the copier machine and a co-worker came up and asked me how things were going. I looked at him and without batting an eyelash I said, "Well, to be honest, I miss when the most difficult task I had for the day was loading 250 bales of hay into the hayloft of the barn."

It's funny. I'm sure at the time, I wasn't stacking that hay with a grin on my face. But there was such a sense of accomplishment with a well-stocked, well-cleaned barn that just does not exist in conglomerate corporate megaworld where you can't even get an answer to a simple charity matching fund question.

But I can't complain too much, because I don't think my body is capable of doing that hard work anymore. 22 stalls, all cleaned by myself? Regardless of the weather. I've gone so soft, I wouldn't even make it through 10 stalls.

But today, I really feel trapped. Trapped into the salary I'm getting, the place I'm living, and the near future that looms ahead. I'm sure it'll pass. Or sink back down to the depths of my soul, but I know this is coming out because of the book I'm reading. The author says "If you're not doing something you love, you're sabotaging yourself for pain and unhappiness and....weight gain."

Ohh boy, don't ya just love self-awareness? Hit it Bruce...


Wednesday, May 6
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 96 (what was that about?)
AVERAGE heart rate: 134
Max heart rate: 151
Workout mode: RANDOM, level 14 @ 2.8/3.0 mph
Calories: 715 Distance: 2.81 Time: 65:00

Note: Felt great to go back to my old workout version, even though I couldn't get my average heart rate up to 145. It is supposed to be good to vary the routine.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Gymming Around

Went to the gym with Mr Listener last night. I just don't know if I can be there with him. He wore shorts and used the treadmill next to me. I was so distracted, I spent the first 20 minutes just trying not to stare at his legs. This has morphed into an infatuation. Not good.

He's still all the things I wrote about, but I am way too interested in him and rapidly losing perspective. You know what happens when I lose perspective? I make the wrong decisions.

And as a side note, I think the man is way too interested in sleeping on my delightfully firm yet soft mattress. Yes, I'm being used for a good night's sleep.

I'm joking.


We have not kissed since the talk. But there's still a lot of flirting and a lot of hugging.


Who knows. Not where my focus should be anyway. I wish I could just check my libido like a coat at the coat check and come back and pick it up 60 lbs later.


Monday, May 4
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 73
AVERAGE heart rate: 144
Max heart rate: 161
Workout mode: CARDIO set at 153 HR @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 590 Distance: 2.06 Time: 50:00

Note: Really pushed it and really felt sick afterward.


Sunday, May 3
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 73
AVERAGE heart rate: 137
Max heart rate: 159
Workout mode: CARDIO set at 155 HR @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 218 Distance: 0.72 Time: 20:00

Note: Could not even make it to 30 minutes. :(

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Walk in the Park

Another pound, so happy...

Love that the scale is heading in the right direction. And I woke up feeling really good, better than I've felt since my back starting hurting almost 2 weeks ago. Perhaps this is a turning point. I hope so.

I'm off to the American Cancer Society's Dogswalk Against Cancer. Thanks to everyone who has contributed. We've raised $1,840, far more than I could have dreamed.

Speaking of achieving dreams, I have to note yesterday's incredible underdog feat. I love comeback stories and underdog stories.

At the first turn in the Kentucky Derby, Mine That Bird was last. Look how far behind he was!

Mine That Bird cost $9,500 and came from New Mexico.

Less than 2 minutes later, he'd pulled ahead of 18 other horses to win.

Most of the other horses cost millions and were from well-respected thoroughbred states, as well as the ever-mysterious Dubai.

The jockey was so happy that I don't think he stopped screaming for a full ten minutes.

I love it! Hurrah for the little guy and the little horse that could.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Safe to Be Thin

morning weight: xxx lbs
Yay, me!

18 lbs since New Year's. That's fantastic for me.

I have been resting the back this week, so skipping the gym every other day and I was really concerned it would slow me down.

But I've been reading that Gabriel Method book and holy cow, it is speaking to me. I always knew the mental element was where it all got hung up for me. I always knew the thoughts I had were ingrained from childhood. Now I am working on reprogramming my sub-conscious mind and turning off those thoughts and teaching my body that it is (and I quote):


Huh, who would have thunk it?

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.