Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Everything Is About Food

I didn't partake in any Thanksgiving dinner or celebration. On Thursday I had soup, with noodles in it.

But I have let carbs back into my life, and I am not losing any weight. I am not overloading on them like I used to, but I know they're the reason I am stalled.

When I said I didn't need to eat Thanksgiving dinner, my dear nephew said to me, "One day won't hurt, right?" Well, it is like saying "one drink" to an alcoholic I think.

My birthday is ahead, and I'm not feeling very motivated.

I need to get back on the path. Somehow. I am trying to remember what sparked my initial urge to start losing. It was seeing myself in photos someone else had taken. Well, I should do that again, then get disgusted. Maybe it'll kick me in the right direction.

At a loss for ideas. I'm the only one who can do this for myself.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Autumn Starch Cravings


total lost: 35 lbs
total days: 145


I think one of the things I love (or loved) about Autumn and the temperature turning colder was the idea of climbing into a warm loaf of bread, baked potato, or bowl of pasta. There is something inviting about starch. And eating it brings a sense of comfort, there is no doubt. It definitely lessens the pain.

What pain? Well, anything from the minor to the major. The pain of not being thin. The pain of physical isolation. The pain of taking on a supervising role at work without a penny more in salary. The pain of essentially doing some work every day and every night. The pain of having to work at an ever increasing pace even though the way in which you do your job well is time-consuming and all about details. OK so those aren't major pains maybe, but they add up to tiny pin pricks in the back of my neck and shoulders until one day I can't turn my head to the left, but I don't have extra $ for a $90 massage. And no, there isn't anyone who can rub my neck for me. He's gone. So...

I haven't lost. Another month, same exact weight. I haven't been carb-free like I need to be. Basically every weekend I've let it slip big time. I suppose this is a great way to maintain, and I could probably live like this. But...I don't want to stay at this weight. I want to be about 100 lbs less.

My goal weight tattoo seems so far away:

Monday, November 5, 2007

Seeking Self Motivation

A little photo comparison.


June October

June October



I don't see a difference. I just don't. 37 lbs. Not enough. Obviously. Trying to feel good but the reality is that I'm feeling really low.




I gotta feel good!








you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.