Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Monday, September 29, 2008

Hotel Living

Rest in Peace Paul Newman. I will never forget you and Redford in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

As for me, ouch, my head is killing me. Between the lights of the temporary work space, this head cold, and the stress of having to "fix" this project for the idiotic QA department, I am really surprised I'm even capable of writing something down.

I was trying to get a shot of the hair color...but the photos didn't really come out with any true color. I guess that's "soft hotel lighting" for you. It is much darker.

Well, today plainly sucked work-wise. I never felt so surrounded by a bunch of monkeys as I did today. But, I took full advantage of the fact that the company has stuck me here for two weeks, and I used the hot tub and I went swimming. Something I haven't done in a long time. Felt good although I am sure I didn't burn any calories. Just floating around.

Good, however mindless, television recently watched:

Mad Men
True Blood
The Life and Times of Tim
The Office

Duncan is adjusting. He's stopped meowing. Finally. Your Mommy with an achy head thanks you very much.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Massachusetts Bound

morning weight: 265 lbs

Well, I've got some interesting news to share. I have to go work at another company location for two weeks.

I should feel happy about this, but I just can't be thrilled about having to do someone else's job at the 11th hour because they can't get it done. Bittersweetly, it is in Massachusetts. I have been saying how much I miss Massachusetts. Ha. The schedule will be so crazy that I won't have much time to do anything else except maybe sit in front of the TV and watch the baseball playoffs on TBS (ugh, why are they not on NESN?).

My cat and my dog also have to come with me. My life is such that I don't have anyone in Jersey to help take care of them, and they're not kennel-proof unfortunately. So Chad will go to his brother's house, and thankfully have a great time thanks to the princess of Sweden and her knowledge that the dogs need attention and exercise. And Duncan will come with me and live the life of a hotel room cat. I know he's thrilled beyond belief.

I love new experiences, I love to travel. Why am I not feeling good about this?

However, speaking of feeling good, I heard from Seattle. Good stuff. Happy birthday to him today, the big 3-0. I remember the 3-0. Lots of tequila. I told Seattle if our October rendezvous didn't happen, then my birthday in December would just have to be a party that involved him. As I watched Grey's Anatomy last night (and I won't spoil it for anyone who has yet to see it but poo on the writers for pulling on our heartstrings like that with Derek and Meredith), they showed a lot of Seattle flybys of the needle etc. I thought it would be a fun place to see for a weekend. But there I go again, getting way ahead of myself.

First I have to survive the next two weeks. I am counting on the Red Sox to help me.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wanna Buy a Duck?

"If it looks like a duck
and sounds like a duck,
it is probably a duck!"

As promised, breaking news. I'll cut right to the chase and then offer details.

Mr X, the French man, who spent at least one month's subscription to Chemistry_Not.com, is indeed a Nigerian romance scammer. It took three conversations for it to reveal itself fully. I will be sharing my story with romancescammer web site.

Like I said, I suspected as much from the start. But let this be a lesson to anyone online dating! Even the expensive guided communication sites are prime real estate for clueless victims for these crafty thugs.

Today when I asked if we could chat using web cams, he wrote back that he would love to but it would have to wait until he got settled in the Benin Republic. I laughed my head off. That's West Africa. He wrote he got a contract to build an orphanage there and was leaving tomorrow. I played it straight, told him to have a safe trip, etc. Then I couldn't help myself and I added that he should watch out for online Internet scammers from Africa who use strange ways to become friends and try to take advantage of you. He said he never heard of such a thing and that he would be very careful.

Now some people wonder (including myself) WHY would someone go through that hassle? What is it they're trying to gain? Well, money. Perhaps your identity. And who knows what else. I've read many reports and testimonials of some very bad situations. Of course I would NEVER send money or even pay for a phone call.

So ridiculous!

At least I know my *cough*clickhere*cough* Seattle is real, even if he has gone MIA two days before his 30th birthday.

Bring On the Playoffs!

Red Sox are on the road to defending their championship! Yeehaw!

I love it! Our little scrapper rookie MVP showing the crowd some love as the team celebrated getting into the playoffs for the 4th time in 5 years! Everybody knows you can't do it without a solid fan base cheering you on!

That pretty much says all the rest right there. Move over Yankees, it is the Red Sox decade to shine. Woot!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

France Hot, Seattle Cold

So whoever said that women start hitting a peak around my age certainly knew what they were talking about. They are not kidding. Look out world of men, I am awake. You think I was Samantha before? You have no idea.

The mystery with Mr X continues. He is back in France and constantly trying to communicate with me. Early Jersey AM time, mid-afternoon Jersey time, and even midnight France time. Asking many questions about my life, work, previous relationships, the animals, what I like to do to relax, where I like to travel. I found it rather interesting that after several days since our last conversation, he remembered not only the names of my dog and cat, but that I said my dog needs a lot of exercise chasing a frisbee. Come on, most guys I've known haven't remembered or demonstrated that they remembered that kinda of stuff. Maybe he's a woman?

Mr X is also very forthcoming about his own life. Difficult divorce, he loved her very much it seemed. Lost a child after 17 weeks of life. He has definite plans to purchase a home in Jersey, near NYC. (Um for those counting, that would be his 3rd home.) He dreams to build his business here. Slight red flag...is he looking for a green card? Who knows. I'm more than qualified with that subject matter. File under So I Married a Foreigner. He volunteered without prompting that he's disgusted by how many women approached him for sex online and he's a "god-fearing man" who would never lie, doesn't know how to be dishonest, and cannot imagine focusing on more than one woman in his life at a time. Hmm. Oddly. Fascinating. And I can hear Sweden chanting, "gay."

So why haven't I seen him on web cam? Because these conversations have been while I am mobile and I cannot view a web cam on mobile. So, sit tight little ladies in waiting, we will soon see if this is a prince or a frog. Believe me, it'll be breaking news when I know.

And my Seattle, my "red-hot, Jason Lewis' little brother, gotta call my Jersey girl every day, I'm so into you" Seattle that I was going to rendezvous with in October? Gone stone cold, no TM, no call, blue. Not a peep out of him in over a week. His 30th birthday is this coming weekend. So much for my idea of a gift. Hmmm. Odd how the universe works, isn't it.

"Just gotta keep on keepin' on."

Now, how about if the Red Sox could just cinch the wild card, please?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Liberty and Pursuit of the Hammock

A little photo essay for you.

Today I gazed upon Lady Liberty in all her glory. Look at her! Isn't she a grand ol' gal? I got chills looking at her in the bright sunlight. Here she is just peeking through the leaves.

She means different things to different people. And that was evident by the many different types of people there viewing her. What struck me most was there were at least 7 different cultures that I noticed easily just by clothing and languages represented. How wonderful, isn't it?

Isn't that what this country was all about once? Isn't that what liberty is supposed to stand for? The idea that anyone can come here and have a chance to live a life? Anyway, I'm not going to soapbox too much.

When I came home, I napped most peacefully in my beloved hammock in the September afternoon sun. What a lucky soul.

The Beloved Hammock, built for two, by L.L. Bean.

The View from the Beloved Hammock.

The Sunset from the Beloved Hammock.

It was a great day to be a free-thinking, patriotic, no-laws-on-my-body, privileged-to-vote American.

Friday, September 19, 2008

French Man, Part Deux

morning weight: 261 lbs

No change in the scale and that's OK.

Had an IM chat with le French man last night. Mr X is interesting, to say the least. He has a home in Paris and another house (and I quote) "near Tarbes, in the south of France, close to Toulouse and Pau."

Hmm. He's here on business, leaving Saturday. Will I go meet him tonight? No. Did he ask? No. How do I feel at the moment? Curious. I just feel like calling his bluff.

He says back in France he has a web cam. Along with a horse and a dog. So, we'll see if he resembles his photos. Claims he's never done internet dating before. I'm his first contact with that social culture. Great. Bring on the guinea pigs people!

My friend, the princess of Sweden says, "If he IS real, he's gay and doesn't know it." Hmm. I could use a gay friend in the south of France.

I am jaded. Which is a shame. Twenty years ago when I fell head over heels in love with (and married) my first foreigner, I believed in everything. I lived the fairy tale dream. Now it seems I believe in nothing outside myself. After all, my thoughts and my actions are the only things within my control. The rest is up to the universe. Another book concept: From Romantic to Realistic in 20 Years. It'll be a bestseller.

In his first email Mr X wrote "hello princess..." and referred to me as "an angel." Is this not remnant of Carrie's "The Ick Factor" episode with Alexander? If Mr X starts to compare my green eyes to the lush forest of godknowswhere, I might have to call an emergency SATC session.

The Future Princess of France wishes you all a great weekend!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Yankee Fans & French Men?

morning weight: 261 lbs

Wow that's awesome. Down 7 lbs in 10 days. If that isn't evidence that carbs are NOT what my body needs, I don't know what is.

Today I am grateful for Protein shakes, L-glutamine, cooler weather, and my sweet dog and cat to cheer me up as I face another grueling day at the "office for kindergartners." The childish behavior that goes on where I work makes episodes of The Office look like a study in model behavior.

My beloved Sox may not be on the winning side of things these days, but at least I'm heading in the right direction on the scale, and they're the fighting dirtdogs who will take a day's rest and come right back roaring to go. They definitely inspire me because every day in baseball is a brand new day.

I was thinking I should put up one of those graphs that chart progress. I don't know...it might be too much pressure for me to see it constantly. Yeeah no...not going to happen. Besides, I like to look back at my progress (even if you don't!).

Anyone ready for my Chemistry_NOT.com update? Awww come on! It'll be fun, I promise. Get something good to drink, this one is silly as hell.

As for these two guys, well, not much. As soon as I answered one guy's "What is your guilty pleasure" question with "Coldstone is a delightfully sinful place," he dropped me from consideration, not kidding. I wonder what he was hoping my guilty pleasure was?? The other guy emailed me and told me he was a Yankee fan, but he liked the photo I had up of me in a Red Sox hat. Um k....let me offer a visual of my reaction:

That's the bumper of my vehicle. Yes. Not kidding. There are so many levels to this.

Anyway, so that leaves the latest rather amusing development. All in one evening, this guy went from expressing interest, to all of the guided communications, to open email. Hello, never had that happen. So, he's mysterious Mr X of NYC by way of (wait for it...) France. Ummmm k. I'm 99.9% certain his profile is fake (his photos don't look real), but as he's expressed interest, I thought I'd play along. New sport anyone? What would we call it? Online Dating PlayAlong? ODPA.

I can tell you that something does not feel right -- has the sweet innocent soul that once thrived within me become too jaded? Or am I just honing my instincts? I don't know. I'm almost certain that within a few days there will be some scam revealed. He's already written me one rambling email. I will communicate on an intellectual level about things he's expressed interest in (architecture, horses, dogs) and we'll see if he's really who he says he is. Don't worry, no one can scam me.

Well, except maybe Ocean's 11.

Mmmmmm Braaaaaaaad.....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Please Help End Horse Slaughter

Last summer I was part of a group of people who helped save 6 horses from slaughter. A mother, a father, and four offspring. Max, one of the young males now lives as an ambassador to end slaughter at Elvis's GRACELAND. It is amazing what a few dedicated people can accomplish! Early footage of the 6 horses is in this video:

I am sharing this with you TODAY because there's a bill to end the transport of horses for slaughter to Mexico and Canada for voting in the House right now and it isn't going very well. Slaughterhouses in the US have already been outlawed, but truckloads of horses transported inhumanely across the country borders happens daily.

Please help end the inhumane transport of horses for slaughter from the US to Mexico and Canada.

H.R. 6598, The Prevention of Equine Cruelty Act of 2008

H.R. 6598 would amend title 18, United States Code, to prohibit certain conduct relating to the use of horses for human consumption.

Detailed Summary
Prevention of Equine Cruelty Act of 2008 - Amends the federal criminal code to impose a fine and/or prison term of up to three years for possessing, shipping, transporting, purchasing, selling, delivering, or receiving any horse, horse flesh, or carcass with the intent that it be used for human consumption. Reduces the prison term to one year if the offense involves less than five horses or less than 2,000 pounds of horse flesh or carcass and the offender has no prior conviction for this offense.

The Bill in Full

Status of the Legislation

Latest Major Action: 7/25/2008: Referred to House subcommittee. Status: Referred to the Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism, and Homeland Security.



The Conyers-Burton Equine Cruelty Prevention Act is probably up for a vote tomorrow in the House Judiciary Committee. This is a VERY CLOSE and divided bill. They may vote. This is a very emotional and heated topic, and we need everyone to step up for the horses.

Call the House Members below, and voice support for this bill. Ask them to cosponsor if they haven't. Let them know you support HR 6598, the Equine Cruelty Prevention Act.

The Honorable John Conyers, Jr., (MI)*
Tel: 202-225-5126
Fax: 202-225-0072
Email: john.conyers@mail.house.gov

The Honorable Lamar Smith (TX)
Ranking Member
Tel: 202-225-4236
Fax: 202-225-8628

The Honorable Mark Berman (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-4695
Fax: 202-225-3196
Email: howard.berman@mail.house.gov

The Honorable Lamar Smith (TX)
Ranking Member
Tel: 202-225-4236
Fax: 202-225-8628

The Honorable Rick Boucher (VA)*
Tel: 202-225-3861
Fax: 202-225-0442
Email: ninthnet@mail.house.gov

The Honorable John Sensenbrenner (WI)
Tel: 202-225-5101
Fax: 202-225-3190

The Honorable Jerry Nadler (NY)*
Tel: 202-225-5635
Fax: 202-225-6923

The Honorable Howard Coble (NC)
Tel: 202-225-3065
Fax: 202-225-8611
Email: howard.coble@mail.house.gov

The Honorable Bobby Scott (VA)*
Tel: 202-225-8351
Fax: 202-225-8354

The Honorable Elton Gallegly (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-5811
Fax: 202-225-1100

The Honorable Melvin Watt (NC)*
Tel: 202-225-1510
Fax: 202-225-1512

The Honorable Bob Goodlatte (VA)
Tel: 202-225-5431
Fax: 202-225-9681

The Honorable Zoe Lofgren (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-3072
Fax: 202-225-3336

The Honorable Steve Chabot (OH)*
Tel: 202-225-2216
Fax: 202-225-3012

The Honorable Sheila Jackson Lee (TX)*
Tel: 202-225-3816
Fax: 202-225-3317

The Honorable Dan Lungren (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-5716
Fax: 202-226-1298

The Honorable Maxine Waters (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-2201
Fax: 202-225-7854

The Honorable Chris Cannon (UT)
Tel: 202-225-7751
Fax: 202-225-5629
Email: cannon.ut03@mail.house.gov

The Honorable Bill Delahunt (MA)*
Tel: 202-225-3111
Fax: 202-225-5658
Email: william.delahunt@mail.house.gov

The Honorable Ric Keller (FL)*
Tel: 202-225-2176
Fax: 202-225-0999

The Honorable Robert Wexler (FL)*
Tel: 202-225-3001
Fax: 202-225-5974

The Honorable Darrell Issa (CA) Not supporting us on this bill.
Tel: 202-225-3906
Fax: 202-225-3303

The Honorable Linda Sanchez (CA)
Tel: 202-225-6676
Fax: 202-226-1012

The Honorable Mike Pence (IN)*
Tel: 202-225-3021
Fax: 202-225-3382

The Honorable Steve Cohen (TN)*
Tel: 202-225-3265
Fax: 202-225-5663

The Honorable Randy Forbes (VA)*
Tel: 202-225-6365
Fax: 202-226-1170

The Honorable Hank Johnson (GA)*
Tel: 202-225-1605
Fax: 202-226-0691

The Honorable Steve King (IA)
Tel: 202-225-4426
Fax: 202-225-3193

The Honorable Betty Sutton (OH)*
Tel: 202-225-3401
Fax: 202-225-2266

The Honorable Tom Feeney (FL)
Tel: 202-225-2706
Fax: 202-226-6299

The Honorable Gutierrez (IL)*
Tel: 202-225-8203
Fax: 202-225-7810

The Honorable Trent Franks (AZ)
Tel: 202-225-4576
Fax: 202-225-6328

The Honorable Brad Sherman (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-5911
Fax: 202-225-5879

The Honorable Louie Gohmert (TX)
Tel: 202-225-3035
Fax: 202-226-1230

The Honorable Tammy Baldwin (WI)*
Tel: 202-225-2906
Fax: 202-225-6942

The Honorable Jim Jordan (OH)
Tel: 202-225-2676
Fax: 202-226-0577

The Honorable Anthony Weiner (NY)*
Tel: 202-225-6616
Fax: 202-226-7253
Email: weiner@mail.house.gov

The Honorable Adam Schiff (CA)*
Tel: 202-225-4176
Fax: 202-225-5828

The Honorable Artur Davis (AL)*
Tel: 202-225-2665
Fax: 202-226-9567

The Honorable Debbie Wasserman Schultz (FL)*
Tel: 202-225-7931
Fax: 202-226-2052

The Honorable Keith Ellison (MN)*
Tel: 202-225-4755
Fax: 202-225-4886

Kissed by the Full Moon

morning weight: 265 lbs

At least I'm not up!

I don't know what's come over me but I am suddenly exhausted. Must be time for another vacation. HaHa. I fell asleep in the hammock last night, under the full moon, as if a spell had been cast over me. While it wasn't a bad thing, I didn't make it to the gym.


It is also the season for my boys, the incredible, defending champs of baseball, the Red Sox, to start kickin some ass and making history. Every game counts now, and they were on fire last night against the Rays. It is one of the last connections I feel with my family, so it was great to TM my brother about the game and feel on the same page about something.

Work is tough. Performance review time. For me, for my staff. Never had to do reviews on others before. Talk about stress.

I haven't overeaten. I even passed up Italian pastries yesterday at work. I'm starting to feel like I can't eat in front of someone again. That's not good. I better break out the self hypnosis tapes for some re-enforcement.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

My Dog Personified

I figured I'd try a new color on the blog for fall. The blue was starting to make me feel blue. And I'm trying to get back the motivation to write, let alone exercise. This is my time of year! I love this time.

I have a million other things to do. And I'm avoiding all of them. I don't actually have much to write about. I have slacked yet again this weekend. Even as I verbally told myself I was going to focus, I slacked.

I saw Burn After Reading. Not as laugh out loud funny as I had hoped it would be, but good enough.

The funniest part for me was seeing my dog, Chad, personified.

I know, you probably can't see it if you don't know my dog. But honestly, I don't know how Brad got to study MY dog so much, but he captured him perfectly in his portrayal of Chad, the exercise trainer. Even took the name! And right down to the fact that the guy could not stand still for very long or think very clearly. The hair, the attitude, everything was exactly like my dog.

And this is where you all raise your eyebrows and laugh at me. That's OK. I'm just sayin', my goofball of a dog needs a cut of the royalties. :-)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Back to the Gym

morning weight: 266 lbs

PMS SCHMMMSS! I'm down a pound.

Nothing like good old 60 minutes of cardio...

500 calories burned, 2.65 miles, heart rate at 136.

My mile is 24 minutes. Not bad for my weight.

Work however, continues to be a major stress point. I spent most of yesterday morning pretending my chocolate protein shake was a mudslide, and yesterday afternoon wishing for a plate of fries to go with my staff's whining. Oh if only!

Chemistry_NOT.com update (as I've affectionately taken to calling it). Two guys have expressed interest and gone through all the guided steps (including such questions as "What are your guilty pleasures?"). Now we can freely email one another within the site. Let's see what they do, shall we? Rather like watching to see if lizards will move.

That's OK, I have my Seattle to distract me. :-) And trust me, he is so yummy, he's better than ice cream. If only it didn't feel like exploitation, I'd put his photo up here. Just think: Jason Lewis' younger brother.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Waiting for Something Good

morning weight: 267 lbs

Well, so much for going down the scale. I don't know what's wrong. PMSing for sure.

I have an update about Relacore though....one of the potential side effects was acne. Well, of course, that's the one I have to get? So that ended that experiment. I'm not talking about a tiny spot here and there, I'm talking about monster cyst-like things. Um yeah....did I feel any mood effect? Eh. A little. Nothing substantial.

I think I'm going back to two Body Fortress protein shakes a day, with a food-based lunch. I can't seem to get my mind off carbs. Also still struggling to love the gym again. Feel like a jilted lover. LOL Gym....we had so much fun together!

Monday, September 1, 2008

How Badly Do I Want It?

So, is it just bad luck, bummed genes, or some other cosmic reason that everything that tastes delicious to me is bad for me? Just can't figure it out. I prefer carbs the way that a crackhead needs crack. Ask a doctor this question and you get a glib response, "Your tastebuds were just trained that way" or some comment about how we're just no longer the hunter-gatherers that we used to be. Um....OK....there's a reason not to have children if ever there was one. 38 years ago no one was telling my mother to limit the amount of carbs to her children.

Do you know that I would have to be physically active 24 hours a day 7 days a week if I wanted to eat carbs at every meal? So, thinking about a lifestyle change in jobs, that means I should become a circus performer who also has to break down and set up the tents, and pull the equipment down the road like a mule. Hmm. In all seriousness, WHO is active 24/7? Not too many people who aren't consider deranged in some capacity I think.

Then there is the school of thought: Just be happy as you are. Healthy but happy with the current weight. Um. No. Not possible. First of all, healthy is a must now with the back pain. Another 40 lbs is vital to my future pain-free back. At least. But setting that aside, I'm tired of only being able to shop in one or two stores for clothes. I'm tired of not fitting into a seat at a concert without squishing my thighs or bumping up against the stranger next to me. I'm tired of not being able to go on a roller coaster! I'm tired of having to select "A few extra pounds" or "heavy" and not "average" on body type.

And this IS about me. It isn't about what someone else thinks. It isn't about the guy who doesn't want to date me. It isn't about the company management or staff members who don't respect me. It isn't about my family or my friends, who love me the way I am. This is about how I feel about myself. It always has been and it always will be.

The question is:

Am I tired enough of the things I don't have to give up the carbs?
Do I want the things I can't have MORE than I want that bowl of pasta?

Every day.
Every damn day.
Every beautiful day.
Every time I put something in my mouth.

Do I want it enough?!

I'm so tired of asking myself the question.

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.