Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

BuhBye 2008

morning weight: 10 lbs more than last January

No excuses. There it is. When I take stock of the last year, I have simply not loved myself more than I have loved the comfort of food. And I have not found a friend to replace the food. And I have not become my own friend.

heavy blue sigh

Oh well. I will try not to beat myself up too much because it does no good. As shown by a friend who works out 6 days a week, exercise is SO important. Such a key element to feeling good and looking good. She knows it, I know it. She does it. I have to do it. Where should I be tonight when the clock strikes midnight? I should be at the gym. Will I be there? No. Will I go tomorrow? Maybe. What is wrong with my lazy ass? I'm going to be alone forever, there is really no support except myself. Here, in this room I meant. Not here, in this virtual space. I know you're all there for me. But I'm the only one in my head (I think...).

I've been writing, trying to flesh out the plotline of my novel. That's positive.

I signed up for a self-publishing account at Createspace. That's positive.

I'm thinking of my poetry in terms of a collection rather than "oh those things from that year and those things from that timeframe." That's positive.

I have 6 books lined up to read. Haven't done that in a while, due to work being so difficult on my eyes. I used to read constantly. Makes me a better writer. Will get back to it. That's positive.

I have to give the hunt for a man a rest. I'm talking about the actual prowl, not if they show me interest - that's a different story. Mr Harry Potter wants to be uber casual so yeah, whatever. He's a strange bird by his own omission, preferring to be alone on NYE. This is me not caring. I always thought when I was smoking hot they'd be knocking down my door. That's....delusional, but hey that's me, the child of an alcoholic family, we hide in our delusions.

Morning snowfall is exceptionally beautiful here on the lake. We're only going to get about 2 inches whereas my luckyduck friends and family to the north are going to get up to a foot of snow. Of course, most of them hate it. It halts life as they know it. That's part of what I love about it, the fact that you can't control something. The freedom that comes from giving up that control. Ahhhhh bliss.

I don't even know what I did last year for NYE. And I don't think it'll be much different this year.

I leave 2008 behind with a gorgeous sunset, one of the lingering reminders that this will probably be my last winter here in this rental.

(Yes, it does look like space invaders. I'm waiting for the mother ship.)

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Best Laid Plans

"The best laid plans
of mice and men
Often go awry"
-Robert Burns

Yes, thank you Scottish ancestor Robert Burns. You've got that quite right. And Steinbeck further embodied that statement in the book Of Mice and Men.

The plan was quite simplistic:
Curl up on sofa with Twilight and disappear into the fog that is so thick here I cannot see the backyard.

Instead, I paid out several thousand dollars in bills ( just the long overdue monthlies, plus the back taxes from Massachusetts I didn't know I had, oh and let's not forget that rent is due next week), waited for the refill of the oil tank since I ran it dry - bone dry (yes, I can't remember everything and yes, dammit it would be nice to have a guy around) and had no heat (therefore curling on sofa was not really possible anyway), and replied to all sorts of emails from friends and relatives (thank goddess for electricity).

I just wanted to slip away. Like they say in the story, "for a long winter's nap..."

But before I make another attempt to unplug for 24 hours, I have to admit I've been holding out on my blogger buddies. No, I can't claim I've secretly lost 50 lbs. Oh how I wish. In this moment I do pause to reflect that I'm writing this blog for me and you're all just along to witness at your own will, but no, I did not willing withhold information. I just ran into the realm of OVERWHELMEDVILLE.

Anyway, is that enough anti-climatic build-up? If not, you could come back and read the rest of the post tomorrow.

What, you don't like that option? OK.

I met two guys last weekend, on two "meet and greet" dates. Thank you OKCupid.com!

One of these fellows is not yet divorced and therefore in my standards (they're low but I DO have SOME), not yet datable. But he was quite nice and quite into music and should he wish to be friends, I shall grant him that wish. I am not sure he wants to be friends however, he seemed quite surprised at my size. Guys could pay more attention to photos.

However, the other one, is extremely single. And a Springsteen fan. And he was, and remains, quite into me.

*cue up the guitar*
"Oh baby, trammmmmmmmps like us..."

Oddly enough we work for the same company, different site locations. Bizarre. And probably somewhere in Ze Zerman protocol, ztrictly.againzt.ze.rulez. Oh I feel so naughty. So, yes, he's 30 and my dear, sometimes-logical-quite-entrenched-in-a-meaningful-relationship, counterpart Sweden, didn't even draw a full breath of air before she immediately dubbed him "Harry Potter" for his resemblance. Really, I think it is just the glasses...but I was equally appalled and amused in agreement.

Am I old enough to be a cougar yet? Does he have to be younger than 30? Inquiring minds need to know; I need a cougar mentor! What are the rules? Anyone? Anyone?

Oh god if the day comes that I cannot laugh, surely that will mean the end of me!

So, here, in case you're not already laughing at my situation, let me help you. What are you waiting for? Without further ado, some comic relief, sung to the tune of Angel, by Juice Newton:

"Just call me Cougar, in the morning (baby)
Just kiss my wrinkles before you leave me (darlin)
I'll leave you claw marks
on your back, my baby
Then you'll slowly turn away
And I won't beg you to stay...."

Well, I'm not sure which is more enlightening or perhaps, depending on your angle, devastating:

I've become a cougar.
I'm boffing Harry Potter.
I'm a cougar who is boffing Harry Potter.
I'm a Harry Potter-boffing cougar.


Considering I never ever EVER liked Harry Potter, you can imagine my surprise.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Holiday Wishes

If you can't have a hot holiday,
hopefully you can drink enough
to pretend it is!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

All I can say...

All I can say is....this year....the stress is bad.

More when I have a moment to breathe.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Winter Solstice

Santa Dog Bailout

Happy Holidays Everyone!

A montage of photos for a short story,
starring my boys, Chatham & Duncan:

Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Non-Food Reward

William Bradley Pitt....Happy Birthday!

I don't judge.
Above all I wish you joy in those babies you wanted so much.
As you once said, I hope you find "moments of happiness" that come at random.
I wish one of those moments was with me in bed.
I wish for you an Oscar nom for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
I wish you and Jen lasted forever, even though nothing lasts forever.
I'm helping you rebuild the 9th Ward.
Mmmm, the rest of my thoughts aren't suitable for public.

I survived giving my first performance reviews as a manager today. My stomach was in knots and queasy all over the place. I had to give some bad news. It was the worst moment of my career. No one lost their job or anything horrible like that, but I was so out of my comfort zone. I hope I never have to say "You're fired" to someone. I think I would collapse.

So, my reward? Buying the SATC movie! Coming home and watching it with a hot cup of tea (and a shot of whiskey in it). Then because I don't have to work tomorrow (YAY) and all the shows tonight are repeats (BOO), I will put in Legends of the Fall. NO food reward. This is a BIG ACHIEVEMENT. Bad enough I am succumbing to some alcohol calories. Baby steps!

Big storm coming in....seems like Jersey will get ice while the rest of the northeast will get some awesome snow. I have never wanted to drive north and strand myself in Massachusetts more so than I want to do right now. Resisting the urge. Resisting.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Yay for Snow

We got a little bit of snow here in Northern Jersey...it'll be gone by tonight because of the rain, but I feel like a kid for a few hours at least. Yay for snow! It is so so so cleansing.

I haven't had a tree since I last lived with someone. I love the smell, but I find it reminds me of the lonely aspects too much. So I just decorate my windows. Here are my snowpeople and the heart ornament I got for my birthday many years ago.

And of course the 5 nutcrackers keeping watch...

And here is the dove ornament that I put up when the military first went to war in Afghanistan. It is up 365/24/7. I said I wouldn't take it down until they were all back home. I knew it would be awhile, but I never thought it would travel to 3 rentals over so many years. It seems perhaps it will have to remain up forever, but I do wish we could bring'em home.

I am not a mindless patriotic flag-waver, but a patriot who questions her government while remaining an optimistic fool, hoping for a more peaceful new year around the world.

Did anyone send a card to Walter Reed?

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington,D.C. 20307-5001

Fabulous Laughter

So I slept the entire evening and night away and now I'm awake at 1 am. And you'll all have to suffer the consequences. I can still barely swallow, but I've gotten some room temperature soup and tea down. Hey Deb, is this a great new weight loss plan or what!? Not sure I'm ever going to hum the bobo again. What will I do with myself?

This came across my inbox and I have to admit, it is hilarious! I had tears of laughter. It wouldn't let me embed into the page here, but just right-click on the link and open in a new window. Hope it brings you a belly laugh:

Beware of the Doghouse


So I won a Fabulous Award for being "deliciously twisted" (QUITE a compliment!), thanks muchly to Carolyn!

1. Please put the logo in your blog


2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award.

How about three links?
I love that she lives where SNOW is a main element. Carolyn's Quest
And I love the bride she became. Carolyn's Quest
And I love that she's a teacher like my sisters. Carolyn's Quest

3. Nominate at least 5

You're kidding right? Everyone has this award already.

*scampers about to double-check* Hmmm. OK.

4. Put the links of those on your blog

I'm dubbing you as hereby fabulous or in some cases doubly fabulous, but you don't have to do the pay it forward part if you don't want!

Soxy Deb (I named her ya know!)
Carolina Girl (My sista from anotha mutha!)
Lila (Me, ten years ago?!)
Butterfly (My ideal party girl!)
Kate (For overcoming incredible odds.)
Georgie (For having a confessional!)

5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know


OK I'm collapsing. Talk amongst yourselves. Here's a topic. The bailout is neither a bail nor an out. Discuss.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Deep Throat Pain

Well I have a serious throat infection. That is not strep throat. *ahem* What the hell that means exactly, I'll probably never know. Some tests are still out. Some antibiotics are begun. I should be staying home but I have to meet with a writer from Boston. And the weather tomorrow looks like a work from home day. So um....yeah. Not feeling warm and fuzzy at the moment.

As for my new dating site, OKCupid.com, it is TONS better than Chemistry_NOT.com. The guys at least like to have online conversation and send emails back and forth. One guy had to tell me last night that my "profile is almost too good to be true, it is a little daunting. But don't change it, it'll weed out the undesirables..." of which I was left to ponder if he was one of them.

Honestly....I should give you all the link to my profile. Maybe you could give me some advice? I'll debate that one with myself for a while. After all, we have to be careful what we ask for!

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Wolf in Me

morning weight: 276 lbs

I want to thank everyone who read, commented, and donated to my birthday charity drive. I am extremely proud to announce that $260.00 was raised in one day for Mica's IMHA Research Fund. It's never too late to donate and never too little an amount. I'm going to keep Mica's photo over near Sena's and if anyone feels the urge to donate and mentions my blog to Mel, I'll add $5 to their donation, whatever their amount.

I am feeling very much under the weather. Throat so sore I can barely swallow. But I must go into work (and infect my coworkers). I wish I could stay home, really. Maybe I can leave early.

So what did I do on my birthday night? I paid a well-trained professional to put his hands on me. Yes. For those of you who always wanted to know, it feels amazing to be with a professional. I'm not sure I'll ever have it any other way now. Oh you thought I meant....get your mind out of the gutter, that's where mine usually is! Well, I did have the most intense pleasure you can get without having sex I think. I had a massage. So I pay a hella lot of money to be touched once a month. My skin appreciates it!

I turned down a "come to the bar and I'll buy you a drink" invitation from James. I wasn't at all in the mood for the bar scene and I told him that, thinking perhaps he'd compromise and agree to meet me elsewhere instead. But no, the hockey game was on and he was already entrenched. And drinking. Did I mention drinking? Yeah. A little too much for me.

On Saturday, however, James accompanied me to the Lakota Wolf Preserve. He expressed an affinity to wolves from the first conversation we had, but I did not see evidence of this on Saturday. Instead of being in awe, he complained a lot. But I was able to tune out most of his negativity the moment I locked on sight of a wolf. The world just sort of fell away for me. This isn't the first time I've seen wolves, but it is never any less amazing. I have definitely somehow missed my calling or have yet to find it, as the wolves still beckon so strongly to me that I longed to just slip between the fences and be surrounded by them. Even if they were to devour me, though I suspect they'd sense my submissive energy to them, but even if they were to devour me, somehow I feel that would be alright. It is an existential thing, I can't explain it. I am looking into visiting the Wolf Research Center in Idaho as well. When something stays with you for years, there is a reason. Most of the photos I took don't come even close to the magnificent beauty I saw. I need to go back and just be in their presence some more.

The mid-day trip concluded, not with a kiss, not with a "so glad I got to share this with you" or a "happy birthday" but it concluded with James saying he wanted to go drink and he made it quite clear that he did not want to drink with me. And that's just about as much of a neon sign as I need to know that this guy is not someone I want to get too close to.


Friday, December 12, 2008

Give a Little Love

**Donation Updates in red below.**

Yes, today is my 39th birthday. Yes I am a Sagittarian, which means at times I am selfishly focused on myself. (OK, so that's 90% of the time!) Today, I am shining the spotlight elsewhere. In lieu of showering me with well wishes, please, my dear friends take a moment to read.

Exactly on my birthday 2 years ago, I was told my precious Sena (the black dog always watching on the right side of this blog) had "pre-cancer cells" in her urine. The vet may as well have been talking another language to me. I had no idea what that meant. I just hung on the word cancer. The illnesses of our pets often come on without warning. I will never get over the empty sick feeling that clutched at my soul that day. Because we always know that some day, of course, some day...but we are never prepared for THAT day.

Everywhere around this country, people are facing all sorts of fear and sorrow involving their beloved fur-family members. Among them are my sweet friend Mel and her precious Mica.

Mel lost Mica just SIX DAYS after being diagnosed with IMHA (Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia).

Briefly, IMHA is a condition in which the patient's immune system begins attacking his or her own red blood cells. IMHA occurs in humans as well as animals. Two key elements to battling this condition while trying to find a cure are blood transfusions and immune suppression. Just like humans, animals rely on blood transfusions. Donors are needed constantly. Please consider learning how your dog or cat might be a superhero by donating blood.

Rather than be bogged down by sorrow of having lost her best friend so suddenly, Mel founded a research foundation so that Mica's never-give-up spirit lives on as a dedication to raising awareness and funding studies for the prevention of and a cure for IMHA.

I am a proud supporter of Mica's fund, and if you are considering donating to a charity this year, this is one I can personally vouch is 100% genuine and the funds go directly into the foundation, not into any overhead or anyone's pocket. NO amount is too small, from $1 to $10, to $100.

To learn more about Mica and her foundation, click on Mica's growing group of supporters and friends struggling with IMHA:
Dogster.com: welcome new mates with charitable hearts

To donate, make your check payable to:
Mica's IMHA Research Fund

95 SW Taylor Street
Portland, OR 97205-3305
Attn: Jan D.

And if you know me at all, you know I love to help. And I love when my help is really worthwhile. So, guess what?

On December 12 2008, this post raised $260.
Between December 12-31, this post raised an additional $130 by adding $5 to every donation Mel received.

Thank you to all who donated:
1. John N
2. kym C
3. Deesa B
4. Teresa H
5. Lizzie H
6. Priscilla S
7. Mike L
8. Bess F
9. Linda J
10. Margaret H
11. Special Dawn
12. Sally R
13. Liz K
14. Steve G
15. Valerie M
16. Mckenna L
17. Ron C
18. Betty H
19. Gail R
20. Pam J
21. Randee M
22. Joanne G
23. Robin K
24. Gerri M
25. Sheba M
26. Wanda S

Future Matching Fund Months:


Stay tuned!

If you can't donate much, please don't let that stop you. Just a month ago, Mel's neighborhood children pooled their money one day and came up with $15.00. The selfless love of children and animals is largely what the holidays are all about in my opinion. Some day your pet may need a blood transfusion, and there will be some angel animal who donated blood so that yours can have a fighting chance.

Let's work toward the day that none of our pets ever have to fight IMHA.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Pre-Birthday Blues

morning weight: 278 lbs

THE Day before. Ugh. My entire staff at work is sick. I am feeling a sore throat. No no no, not the day before my birthday. I am the quintessential party animal. I want to rock and roll all night and day. Oh wait, I'm turning that crooked year of 39? Oh. Nevermind then. Bring me the rocking chair.

I've gone back to The Daily Plate to reorganize my food intake. Holy crap, I learned I'd stopped taking in enough protein, total calories, and too much salt. And of course, not enough water. If you're needing to adjust yourself or just see what's what with some of your favorite foods, try that site out. You don't have to sign up for a profile to learn what one or two days intake sorts out to. I know some people use it as a check to see if they can eat what they want before they do it, such as "Can I really have that McSalad?" Well, their salads are actually worse than their mcnuggets!

Anyway, that's all I got folks. Check back here tomorrow.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Kangaroo Belly Fat

morning weight: 278 lbs

Note to Deb: I put my gym clothes on and THEN I went to sleep. That's progress.

There was a party yesterday at work, partly to ease the blow of our raises being less than what we'd been told we'd get, and partly to recognize year-long achievements (I got the Home Run Award, but I'm still waiting for Jason Varitek to deliver it to me). Considering we're one of the 3 industries not getting hit with layoffs, that's more than OK with me.

Anyway, I get home, turn the ringer off on my phone for TWO HOURS, fall into a work-induced food coma, and I wake up to learn my mother has decided I'm dead.


For a moment, I entertained the idea of slipping off into the secret world of the "presumed dead" on some calm warm waters of some tropical island.....

I also had a very odd dream. While I was sleeping, black market doctors came and cut out my "kangaroo pouch" which is what I call my rolly polly poohbear stomach. In the dream, I woke up to all of my intestines sprawled out on the bed yet I was still fully functional and alive.

Nice, eh?

This is why it is not a good idea to eat steak for lunch! It leads one to think that there is a market for belly fat! Well, on 2nd thought, what else do they put into rich women's cheeks?

Wrong Direction!

morning weight: 279 lbs

LOL All I can do is laugh. I just don't feel like crying. This is what 7 drinks and a plate of nachos can do. Ohhhh well. Some people have holiday parties; I have a date for the first time in months. Such is the damage. When I started the challenge there were 115 days and I weighed 276 lbs. Clearly I thought the object was to gain weight. Hahahaha.

OK so not funny. We have 65 days left. Funny how I've stopped looking at that clock. Things become commonplace and overlooked. Back to the gym tonight!

I need to look for a "how to have a social life and not wreck your weight loss" instruction kit. Stay tuned.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Not Beaver's World

Here we had our first snowfall last night. I stood outside as it was falling and breathed deeply. Although it was maybe just an inch, it covered everything so beautifully. The air was so moist and so clarifying. I loved it! My smile was genuine and reached my soul - I am still alive after all.

As for this weekend, please cue up Chris Issak for the soundtrack to hear about the date:

OK it wasn't like that at all, but I do love that song.

I had a hella lot of fun on Friday night. So much fun that it spilled over into Saturday. I did get my body warm and more than the required quota of hugs, kisses, and love bites for one night. I also got snoring, sheet-hogging, morning breath, and a dog that doesn't know what to do with himself when there's a guest in the house.

James is a bad Italian Jersey boy, wounded vet of desert storm gulf war, damaged goods of an 18 year old marriage that ended with her cheating on him. In short, all he wants is to be free of pain and commitment. To the point where he literally gave up all his worldly possessions, moved himself back to his roots, and is starting over from the ground up. Said he needed to purge himself of "things that don't matter" like a 6 foot entertainment center. Now all he wants to do is work hard, make a few good friends, and have fun. Mid-life crisis? No, he had that at 30, ten years ago.

Well, sure, and who could blame him? There are just as many women out there turning into cougars (I swear I'm on the verge) as there are men prowling about for a feel-good time.

I'm sure I'll see him again. I'm just left with lingering inner angst I guess.

This is the part that I am getting really good at, which I generalized for the purpose of expression, but basically this is the early evening conversation over drinks:

The guy, all serious: "I'm not looking for anything serious, no commitments. I want to keep it casual. Been burned too many times, you know...."

The girl, confused: "Right, so like friends....?"

The guy, aiming for an understanding: "Well more than friends. Really a fun time with a friend." Translation: sex

The girl, as the light dawns on her: "Friends with benefits." Translation: yes

The guy, happy to have been understood: "Yeah, no commitment but fun. Lots of fun."

The girl, can't believe she understands man-speak: "Right."

I guess somewhere, somehow two wrongs make a right nowadays?

My random thoughts don't really make a poem, but they sure do run about in my head enough to need putting down here.

This is not our parent's world of dating. (Aww gee, Beav.)
This is not even our childhood's world of dating.
This is the somewhat hopeless new world of dating.
You fall into this world from a divorce or a lost love,
and you know it isn't going to go the way you want.
You shift your priorities, lower your standards,
and hope someone will see just how much fun you are
Fun enough to keep you around? Not like last time.
No. Hell no. Your mind rages, this can't be the way.
But what else is there?
If you enjoy the moment of fun, you've given the guy all he wants.
Did you get what you want?
Just to be held, to feel a shred of comfort,
to know the warmth of another's body, to know your caring soul still exists.
If you don't, you continue to be alone,
waiting for someone who thinks the way you do?
What are the chances?
Some wait a year. Some wait seven.
My mother gave up the rest of her life.
You're not getting any younger or prettier.
You might get thinner. You might not.
You're getting more cynical. Jaded. Bitter.
Like sands through the hourglass,
so are the days of our lives.
Buck up camper, at least you've got dogs, cats, friends,
and the ability to laugh about it all
when you're not crying.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Giving It a Chance

morning weight: 274 lbs

Down 3 lbs this week. That feels good. Haven't been back to the gym yet Deb, so hold off on kicking my ass, but the period has been doing that instead.

Going on a date tonight. Don't know much about him but I'm excited just to go out. Excited just to be asked. Even if it only lasts an hour.

*deep breath*

My face looks like it has leprosy. Not kidding. At nearly 39 years old.

Oh well, maybe it'll be dark in the bar and he won't notice.

Or maybe he'll be nice enough to know those things can change.

My biggest fear is that I don't want to seem desperate but the truth is I'd do anything for a real hug and a kiss.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Sin of Fun!

morning weight: 275 lbs

DISCLAIMER: If you are devoutly religious, this post may offend you. And you have the right to be offended. And I reserve the right to be offensive; it's my blog!

Two pound loss over a 24-hour period. This is what drinking water can do for me. Of course, some of it is water to begin with, but I drank an ocean yesterday. And T.o.M. is on like a stuck piglet so I am so exhausted I feel like a vampire that hasn't fed in a long long time.

Many of you have asked about my Mom. Thank you. She's back on her own with daily visits from my sister. She's packing for the move to her brand spanking new, non-stairs apartment and worrying about all that goes along with it. The movers cost $120/hour. We're all going to have to help her out on a monthly basis now. It's going to be tough. She has an appointment with a vascular specialist to see about that clot in her aorta. And she's decided that all the fun we had at the casino was (wait for it) a sin.

Yes. I'm working on letting it go, but it settles at the base of my neck. All the fun, all the effort, all the money we won and spent was a sin. Well....isn't that special churchlady. Oh how I wish I had kept my winnings!!

I am quite sure that if she had won a giant jackpot, she would have praised the lord for the blessing. Yes, my mother is a crackpot. A hypocrite. A martyr. And a religious zealot. It's amazing that homeland security hasn't brought her in for questioning. Oh wait, we don't do that for Christians, do we.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Walter Reed Holiday Cards

morning weight: 277 lbs

In my opinion, this is one address that needs as many holiday cards as you can afford to apply postage to:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington,D.C. 20307-5001

Eating right and drinking water has already improved my mood. And T.o.M. is here! Woohoo! The weight-loss whoosh fairy can't be far behind.


OK so I may haven fallen and I may not be able to get up yet. But I can crawl.

Thank you all for your support. I asked for a sign and I got many. I can't give up. My sweet Sena never gave up. I can't give up.

Also, coincidentally, Bruce released a new single from his soon to be released CD, Working on a Dream, inspired, from what I've read, in part, by the election. That's pretty cool.

As always, music reaches deepest into my soul. I listened to a lot of music over the past two days. Lyrics are one of the reasons I still feel inspired to write. I am putting new ideas for a novel together. I am not giving up.

What music inspires you to keep going?

My Lucky Day
"In the room where fortune falls
On a day when chance is all
In the dark of fierce exile
I felt the grace of your smile

Honey, you’re my lucky day
Baby, you’re my lucky day
Well I lost all the other bets I made
Honey, you’re my lucky day

When I see strong hearts give way
To the burdens of the day
To the weary hands of time
Where fortune is not kind

Honey, you’re my lucky day
Baby, you’re my lucky day
Well I lost all the other bets I made
Honey, you’re my lucky day

I’ve waited at your side
I’ve carried the tears you’ve cried
But to win, darlin’ we must play
So don’t hide your heart away

Honey, you’re my lucky day
Baby, you’re my lucky day
Well I lost all the other bets I made
Honey, you’re my lucky day"

Bruce Springsteen

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.