Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Monday, July 28, 2008


All I can say is:
Thank the Higher Powers Above For THIS MAN....


Three hours.....30 songs....I cannot wait for tonight!

Taken From Backstreets.com...

July 27 / E. Rutherford, NJ / Giants Stadium
Just one week after wrapping up their two-month European tour, Bruce and the E Street Band are back in the U.S.A. and kicking off a homecoming stand in New Jersey. This first of three shows at Giants Stadium (and first U.S. outdoor show of the tour) found them picking up right where they left off a week ago, with a loosey-goosey setlist, signs collected and requests granted, diminished emphasis on Magic material but a considerably longer set than last time they were on these shores. They played 30 songs on this opening night, shooting well past the three-hour mark.

The show opened appropriately with the retelling of the Legend of the E Street Band, "Tenth Avenue Freeze-out." Lots of dedications, including "Janey, Don't You Lose Heart" for "my friend Jane," and "Growin' Up" for a ten-year-old sign-holder named Rosie. "This song was written a quarter-century before you were born," Bruce told Rosie, "It must be good -- your daddy was a wink in his mama's eye!" And after the song, "There you were: a little egg inside a little egg inside a little egg...." "Mary's Place" was "for my friend Wayne Myers, who has taught me so much about how to get there," Bruce said, "Thank you, Dr. Wayne!" Complete with knee-slide and an extended preacher rap (including Clarence in Ed McMahon mode, echoing Springsteen's offered wisdom), "Mary's Place" stretched out to 14 minutes, and that's even without band introductions.

After rejoining the band for the four shows in Spain, Patti Scialfa was with us again tonight, bringing out "Brilliant Disguise" and "Tunnel of Love." Her husband gave her a quick peck after "Brilliant Disguise," explaining, "I didn't want to mess up that makeup." To open the encore, Bruce decided to send one out to "one special Jersey girl," which had some eagerly anticipating a certain Tom Waits cover... but just for a sec, before he went into, of course, "Girls in Their Summer Clothes."

After "American Land," and after making like he was done for the night, Bruce came back to the mic and told the crowd, "You ain't got it." He continued egging the crowd on -- "You ain't got it. I still got it... you ain't got it" -- before finally finding them up to the challenge: "Oh yeah? Let's get it on!" No twisting and shouting tonight, that's been left in Europe for the time being -- instead, "Rosalita" came out to jump. "A true fairy tale to open the show," Bruce declared, "and a true fairy tale to close the show."

Tenth Avenue Freeeze-out
Radio Nowhere
Lonesome Day
No Surrender
Adam Raised a Cain
Spirit in the Night
Summertime Blues
Brilliant Disguise
Atlantic City
Growin' Up
Janey, Don't You Lose Heart
I'll Work for Your Love
Murder Incorporated
The Promised Land
Livin' in the Future
Mary's Place
Working on the Highway
Tunnel of Love
The Rising
Last to Die
Long Walk Home
* * *
Girls in Their Summer Clothes
Born to Run
Bobby Jean
Dancing in the Dark
American Land

Saturday, July 26, 2008

He's Just Not That Into You

Solution: I am going to have to be that into me.

Bitch mode is almost over. Another day. I can handle it. Not sure anyone who knows me can!

I am turning a new leaf regarding the online dating. I'm not going to actively search anymore! Let the mountain come to me! Let him find me. I will "bring" him to me with positive vibes as I stop stressing over it and refocus on myself and my weight loss. Yes. This is the true path for me. He will come into my life when it is meant to be. So I'll just take that $160 chemistry membership and consider it an investment in "bringing the right man to me" rather than searching for him. Ta-da!

How did I reach this conclusion? Well, I've dismissed over 250 profiles as "physical distance too far" in an attempt to get the bloody system to "learn" and adapt my preferences as it says it does. I've also currently got 38 "I'm interested" matches to guys, some as long ago as 3 weeks. One guy got to the point of emailing and exchanging phone numbers and never called. WTF. And one guy (a Red Sox fan even) has expressed interest back, but has yet to go through the site's proper steps to proceed. Hello?

My dear friend, the princess of Sweden, says that in the summer guys probably aren't sitting around their computers and after all I want an active man anyway right? Ummmm. OK. Yes, in theory I agree. But....if one day they respond to the site's notice that they're interested then the next two days they don't follow up with the next step that the site prompts them to do, that just says to me "they're not really interested!" Of course, the princess has a skewed perspective, she's in an incredible relationship.

I need this movie to come out now! I need to laugh! When I read the book, I thought, "Holy shit, they're talking about ME!" I know, many women had that reaction. Hmmm.

So, baseball for the rest of the weekend, then BAM! Time to get back on track! Hope that you make the best of what you have going on too!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Struggling T-Rex

weight: 12,000 lbs

Yes, I've morphed into a small pre-historic T-Rex. I eat everything and anything that comes across my path, including small people apparently, so beware.

I am about as cool as this out of synch lip-synching 60s video!

But as soon as the lovely ass-kicking, bitch-mode period goes away, I will return to my gym-loving, carb-free, newly formed self.

So, how's the dating you wonder. LOL WHAT dating? Nothing has developed. I have active interest in 29 -- yes I cast the net wide -- 29 profiles and none of them are interested enough to even send a reply back or say "not interested." Can you imagine? You would think I was a leper or something. I know that if I changed the body type from "a few extra pounds" to "average" I would get some responses. I just know it. But I don't. Why? Because I wouldn't want some first date with a guy looking completely caught off guard. And I live an honest life.

So, perhaps this is just like sending out a resume. Don't take it personally when no one responds back, etc, etc. Except, fuck, we're not talking about a job. We're talking about making a connection with someone!


Anyone see The Dark Knight yet? Shhhh don't tell me. I'm going to go see it as soon as possible.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Heading to MA and ME

Well, I'm heading back to places I haven't been in awhile --
Massachusetts and Maine. I'm thinner. But not thin enough.

But nevermind that, I'm going to have fun with Helena and the dogs.

Anyway, I thought I would post this photo of myself from 2002...call it my attempt at motivation. At least I don't look like this anymore:

Here I am at my heaviest, about 320 lbs. This was right before British live-in leech, I mean, boyfriend, left me for someone in Florida he met online. (And no, the dog isn't mine.) In the four years I was with him, I gained 100 lbs. I'm not saying he's the reason. I'm just saying my time with him wasn't healthy. I don't blame anyone anymore. I just try to deal the hand I've been dealt.

So that photo not only feels like a lifetime ago, but it is about 65 lbs ago. In comparison, I'm doing fantastic.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

*sigh* Next...

Well, Tom was a nice enough guy (if you don't count the number of other women he looked at or that he didn't hold doors open or walk beside me or ask me questions about my life).

But there was no spark. And we both realized it. After all, the name of the process is Chemistry.

So, next! Bring them on, I am ready. Except that I felt a little blue today and indulged in some carbs. PMS must be here. You think?

But I learned something - I am closer to NYC than I ever thought. Just 30 minutes by express bus. Imagine, living here two years and not knowing that. *sheepish* Well, what can I say, everything I do is north - friends, work, family. I didn't know I was that close.

Having said that, I highly doubt I'd ever go in alone. Just not my idea of fun, wandering the city alone. Even going to a museum. Alone? No.

Well, what else? My Sox have regained 1st place. The All-Star break is upon us. Let us play ball! Amen.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

First Chemistry Meeting

morning weight: 256 lbs

I haven't exercised. So there.

Well, I have accepted a "first meeting" proposal with a guy named Tom. As much as I'm willing to post his profile, that's an invasion his privacy. Soooo, I'll tell you what I like about him and what I don't like about him. Likes: plays guitar, has raised service dogs, lists himself as having "a few extra pounds," has a great smile, has gone way overboard complimenting me, is putting himself through his masters while working. Dislikes: his hair is longer than mine, he lives in Brooklyn. I said I would not likely date someone from the city.....but damn it, I'm bored and want to meet someone! Miranda moved to Brooklyn and still made it to Manhattan; this guy makes it sound like it is so easy. But he rides a bike everywhere.

So, I'll consider this a practice run. Plus I will test out the express bus I've heard so much about that is supposed to take me right into the city. If this truly is easy, maybe I can finally meet my sweet niece who lives there! Yes Jenn, I'm talking about you! LOL

Have faith people, have faith.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Waiting on Men?

morning weight: 255 lbs

Lest we forget this is a losing weight blog...yeah...there's my non-fluctuating weight. Wahoo.

Now on to more pressing matters....take a look my friends....

I am PUTTING IT OUT THERE! No one can say I am not making the effort! *sigh*

Some of them haven't responded in FOUR days! WTF? *sigh*

Did I mention I'm working on getting me some patience?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My Sweetest Angel, My Inspiration

My darling girl
supermodel queen
alpha bitch
best friend

You've been gone one year.
I long to touch that gorgeous coat you were so proud to wear.
One year I've survived without you
despite my urge to check out.
I do survive, because you would want me to.
You are my inspiration,
my spirit within.
I've done more than survive this year,
I've lived it.

I miss you so much,
I carry you with me everywhere I go.
I live in the moment as much as possible.
I don't worry about what will come tomorrow
because I have today to celebrate
the way you always did
with that grinning smile
and shining eyes.

And when the storms come sweeping in
stealing away late afternoons and early evenings,
I remember how nothing can hurt us.
Not lightning, not thunder,
not Lyme disease, not high triglycerides,
not cancer, not death.
We are too pure for that
and we dance on the energy of love
where we will be until we reach the circle's end
and you come back to me again.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Some Things You Can't Choose

morning weight: 255 lbs

Well I have been perplexed by the dating game since joining Chemistry. Another batch of bachelors dismissed for me last night on the basis of living too far away. Honestly, what's a girl to do?

As for my guilty pleasure, yes, I'm a romantic sap. Always have been, always will be. Deanna chose the long shot, Jesse, last night. Good for them! She decided not to go with the safety and security of Jason, and live a little. Which is not to say that Jesse won't treat her right, he's just more of an adventurous person and they can have their own children together when the time is right.

But what struck me most from this is the (perhaps obvious, perhaps not) realization that we can choose many things in our lives. We can narrow down who we're going to date based on looks, location, income, profession, kids/no kids, what color eyes they have, hair, etc etc etc. But what Deanna seemed to realize is that in the end her list of criteria went right out the window against what she felt in her heart. Jeremy was my choice, and did that boy fall hard for that girl but it wasn't meant to be. Her heart fell for Jesse.

So, one age-old adage is true: You can't choose who you fall in love with.

You can try, you can narrow it down, you can make educated decisions, but in the end you should listen to your heart.

Personally, I've followed my heart several times and gotten hurt. But if I can pair it with some logical thinking, maybe, just maybe. Because when I just follow my heart, I end up in a heap of trouble. I just hope I haven't used up all the love I deserved.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Much Hilarity

morning weight: 255 lbs

"some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies..."

Yes, thank you Carrie Bradshaw and Carolina Girl.

This might be known as the Summer of Stall and the Summer of Dating Disasters at a High Cost. So far my Chem profile has yielded not even a single guy to converse with. I've clicked off 25 matches (you're allotted 10 per day to sift through). The one guy I did get to the level of "message exchange" promptly told me his name wasn't what he said it was on his profile and his son will always be #1. Well....ok....if you think you're going to get anywhere with a woman (at least this one) be honest from the start. And secondly, most women are well aware that a divorced man's kids are going to come first. Telling them this right off the bat is a sure-fire way to dampen any interest. We don't need to be hit on the head like baby seals. That's your gender, not ours.

Grrrrr. Rant over.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

To Date or Not to Date?

So my Chemistry profile says the following about me. I highlighted the elements that rang truest to me. Single folks, you can get this info about yourself without joining as a paid member, if you feel the insight would be helpful to you.

You are a NEGOTIATOR/director

You have a great overview of reality. You see many angles to the same issue and enjoy discussing multiple solutions to complex problems. You like to use your imagination and engage in creative theorizing.

You have executive social skills, easily picking up the gestures, facial expressions and speech patterns of others. You are intuitive; you generally understand people, and your sympathetic nature makes you pliant, adaptable and likable. Yet despite your charm and poise in large social situations, you often enjoy solitude or intense conversations with just one individual or a few close friends.

You are good at doing and thinking a lot of things at the same time. But when you focus on an issue, idea or problem, you like to concentrate in depth. You leave no stone unturned. And with your insight, charm and intellectual bent, you make warm and interesting company.

So far, the first batch of eligible bachelors has been dismissed for various reasons:

  • too far away (they live in NYC, 25-30 miles away, not interested in life in the city at all)
  • too religious (just doesn't float my boat)
  • looking for a skinny girl (yes my profile lists me as "a few extra pounds" - it is either that or "full figured" and I don't have double Ds so I'm not full figured!)
  • looking for children (I am allergic to them)
There are two profiles I indicated out of 10 that I would like to learn more about. So then we go back and forth with some pre-set questions and hopefully reach a point of open email exchange.

One of the profiles hasn't responded. The other has indicated that he has no interest in pets.

Tough start so far, I'd say.

Hugs to me.

I must remind myself that at least I have GYM!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Sox Shutout! WOOT!

Complete shock at how close I was to the field.

I was all thumbs and mumbles as
Tek was about 30 feet away.

Very nice Sox fan and friend, but
not date potential. He smokes.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Red Soxy Me!

morning weight: 254 lbs

Well, I am not losing weight despite exercising. I don't know what it is. Not going to sweat it. Ha.

Today I am going to Yankee Stadium *gag* to watch my boys. *grin* I will watch Jon Lester, a pitcher who has overcome CANCER to pitch again. He also recently pitched a no-hitter, which in baseball, is a very very cool and difficult achievement. I am in awe of people like him. Constantly they strive to beat the odds.

I am such a happy camper to be going to this game. A Red Sox fan in Yankee country is like walking barefoot into a field of rattlers and scorpions. But I do not care. I will endure all sorts of snide remarks and looks for my boys. Whatever it takes. They go the distance. I can do the same.

And finally, a beautiful hot-blooded female moment:

My favorite player, Jason Varitek. I will see him tomorrow and I will be 6 rows from the field. I will be with someone who has a camera lens that would get photos like this one below. I could never ask him to do that though. So, I will simply drool from my seat.

On a final note, I have made a Chemistry.com profile but I haven't joined. A lot of money for 6 months...I know....I'm worth it. The question is, are the men who are on there worthy of me?

NOTE: I tried Yahoo and Match before, the guys were duds. And the sites recycled the guys constantly. I didn't like feeling my time and money were wasted. Chemistry lets you archive a profile so it never comes up in search again. I don't know if Match does that or not, I know they are co-branded sites.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Opening the Revolving Date Door

morning weight: 255 lbs

Well. July 1st. The landlords have not issued any indication of an increase or change in the lease. Whether they realize it or not, they've just accepted me for another year. Not my fault they cannot remember that the lease expires September 1st. Moving is a hassle and an expense I'd rather not have to deal with. Even though this place and the one-hour commute is costing me more than it is worth.

So, like I said before, if I'm staying, I may as well start dating, weight and all. The ex still calls for romper time requests, and I'm feeling my resolve weakening. So I better hop to it.

I've written profiles before. It is the photos that matter. Guys never read more than 3 lines. I am going to try for humor though, so we'll see.

As for which sites, I don't know. Any suggestions? Match and Yahoo were terrible, recycled men. Chemistry is a rich version of Match, so maybe I should aim high and try that. eHarmony tends to be very restrictive and exclusive. Someone told me Mate1 is free for women, but I doubt that is true. They usually do that only when starting up and need to attract men.

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.