Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

259 Again

morning weight: 2xx lbs
Deja vu never felt so good...

OK, lovely to see that on the scale again. But hard to get so excited because I've been here before, before, before, before.
All posts in which I weighed in at 2xx lbs. The question is, how do I stay here and keep going down!?

The last time in August, as far as I can see, it started to go wrong when I hurt my back. Then Mr Seattle flaked out on me. Then I shipped off to Massachusetts for work.

So, the back has already gone out. And I've come out of it far better. This year's Mr Seattle is Mr Listener, and he's dealt with. And I have no intentions of agreeing to go work in Massachusetts for two weeks (Still waiting on compensation for that; do I gotta love when they treat us like slaves?).

So there will be no slippage! No back-sliding into the 60s. Forward and down only.

I enjoyed my workout so much last night that I found myself wondering:

Why wasn't I doing this all my life?

And thinking back, I can't find an answer. All the mental and emotional torture of my mother aside, I was still in control of my activities by the time I hit high school. And in college, why didn't I have friends who were interested in exercise? I remember playing softball and tennis, but not consistently or on a team. When I was married at age 20, why didn't I exercise? Why? I could still be a size 16 like I was back then.

The other day I had to go and dig out photos that I liked of myself to use as the visualization/motivation for the Gabriel Method techniques I'm using to change my inner thoughts about food. I ended up with photos from when I was 17. That is actually the last time I can remember feeling "OK" with my body and looking at a photo and not cringing. Age 17, size 12.

For my old friends reading, do you remember Senior Prom? God that was such a big deal back then! If only I knew that I looked that good back then, I could have prevented myself a lifetime of struggle. And how about that 1987 cruise to Bermuda? Damn, I was a hot chica!

<...scanned photos below...>
<...click on them for larger...>

1987 HS Graduation

1987 Senior Prom

Yes, permed hair, it was the 80s!
And I have tiny ta-tas!

1987 Bermuda Cruise
Yes, my HS friend was a hottie too
though we had no clue - if only we knew!


Wednesday, May 13
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 77
AVERAGE heart rate: 141
Max heart rate: 177 (This felt amazing believe it or not.)
Workout mode: RANDOM Level 18 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 834 Distance: 2.71 Time: 65:00

Note: This was my hardest attempt to try to reach an average sustained HR of 145 bpm. Thank God for my little ePulse monitor, because the treadmill insisted on reading someone else's HR for most of my workout. At one point, my ePulse said 144 and the treadmill said 98. Um yeah no.


Soxy Deb said...

Your amazing. Your determination, since I'm lacking any personal motivaion, is a great motivator. I know we're at different points on the scale, but I really want to see that 5 again myself. I put up a picture of myself, when i was happier, on my visor in the car. is there somewhere else I should keep it to?

I just reread that and realized that it says "when I was happier" as opposed to "when I was thinner". I think for me, that's a big thing in and of itself. I just want to be happier. I think being 130 again (as if) isn't what I need. I just need to look at myself and not cringe. Regardless of the weight. Holy crap, I may have just had an epiphany!
I better write this down!

Have a great day sweetie!! Mine may turn out ok after all!

(even if those knuckleheads gave up a 4 run lead and blew the game-grrr)

Sarah said...

"why didn't I have friends who were interested in exercise?"

I think we instinctively gravitate toward those who have interests that are similar to our own. Although it would be great if I had at least 1 friend who really loved to exercise and encouraged me to join her. Sadly most of my friends really like TV and movies.

Gabriel Method- I just read last night about finding pics. This might be more difficult than it should be.

Sarah said...

Have you seen this blog? http://greatexperiment.wordpress.com/

She's chronicling her journey with the Gabriel Method.

Carolina Girl said...

"If only I knew that I looked that good back then, I could have prevented myself a lifetime of struggle."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Good job on hitting the 50's!!!! Gold star, baby :)

Willow said...

Congratulations on the 250's! So what if you've seen them before. That's fantastic! (and WAY better than seeing a new high number.)
The fact that you keep trying says it all. Like you said before, you learn something new every time and one of these times you will just keep going, and get it right.

I want to see your pictures. I've been waiting all day to see them!

Donna C said...

HA! Senior Prom! So funny that you mention that. I was just looking through old pics for a family project my brother is working on. I stopped & looked at our prom/graduation pics and thought - MAN! We looked good back then!! :) Congrats on hitting the 50's again. I was psyched to read that you've lost 20 lbs so far in 2009. I started WW just before Christmas & just hit 20 lbs myself!! Now if I could only get motivated to workout (more than just 2-3 mile walks a few times a week)...yet another reason I wish you were closer.... :( *hugs*

Carolina Girl said...

Holy Senior Prom Batman! Look at you, hottie. Do you realize your skin looks just as good now as it did then?? You age mighty well my friend!!! :) I always tell people my extra fluff hides my wrinkles. LOL.

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.