And now we interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this breaking news.
Otherwise known as some background on the unconditional love question....
Exit stage right: Mr Listener, the potential lover
Enter stage left: Mr Listener, the workout partner
And the crowd goes quiet.
Mr Listener and I had a long, long talk. A very honest, open, heart-to-heart talk. I pressed him to reveal how he felt about me. I felt something wasn't quite right, and that I was much more interested in him than he was in me. Well, that seems partly true at this time. Do we ever know what the future will hold? No we don't.
He listed about 20-25 attributes and qualities of mine that he is attracted to. Honestly, it went on so long, and was so detailed, I started to blush. No one has stated a list like that to me. Everything from intelligence to humor, to shapely sexy lips and an apparent certain look I have in my eyes, I do think he used the word smoldering. Yes, I was feeling, um well, like I was flying actually.
There's always a but, isn't there?
There is in my life.
(And let me tell ya folks, her ass is huge! Ba-da boom.)
No seriously....there's always a but....
But...there's one thing, in his words exactly, that he is not attracted to: My body. And I quote, "I'm attracted to thin."
Right. Who isn't?
To which I laughed. Out loud. And loudly. Because I've never been "thin" a day in my life, and he knows that. He's seen the baby photo album. He knew my body size from the photos and from the first day he met me.
And he still spent ALL of his free time with me. Because....? Because I'm fucking incredible, that's why! So "What the hell are you doing with me for the last 6 weeks..." is turning over in my head (I did not speak this) as he goes on to explain more.
That he likes me SO much in so many other ways, that he's waiting to see, he'd like to spend a few months...seeing if there will be enough of a change...physically.
Sounds shallow, I agree. But if that is important enough to him the way that not smoking is important enough to me, I can understand it. In a few month's time he might know me much better, to the point where I begin to be more attractive to him. Who knows. Let's keep it in perspective and remember this is a man who settled previously, marrying someone he knew he didn't love, thought he could grow to love, and now considers her to be lacking in any type of intelligence.
Don't worry, I hear you all shouting. I'm NOT settling! And, technically, neither should he. I never want ANOTHER guy to tell me he IS attracted to me when the reality is all he wants is sex with a warm body. So, at least we're not repeating that mistake.
Let me make something perfectly clear to those of you who will want to jump on this guy and beat him to a pulp (and I do appreciate my bitch brigade, believe me). I wanted to hear the truth. Above all else. And I got it. That is so refreshing compared to the lies I've heard over and over.
What sticks in my mind is that true feelings for someone exist or develop IN SPITE of their shortcomings or their flaws or their areas of improvement.
So, it'll either be or it won't be. What's most important is that I continue losing weight for myself, not for anyone else's expectations.
Interestingly, tonight....we went to the gym together. Yes, I invited him to my sacred shrine because he's in a 21-day study with a trainer for free (promotional thing the gym is doing). And he saw how hard I work. And he was impressed, but I didn't try to impress him. I know my workout kicks ass. The numbers speak for themselves.
And as I pounded that treadmill, I was in good spirits. I thought, "Don't worry, if he doesn't want you now or when you've reached your goal, there will be plenty of others who will. You're going to just ooze confidence and sensuality even more than you do now."
And then I smiled at him and thought, "Wow, he's so out of shape, he can't even hold 2.4 speed for 20 minutes. And he thinks he's going to get a woman with a Halle Berry body? Hahaha."
Perhaps there will be a chapter in the future in which Mr Listener, the potential lover, will return to the stage, or maybe not. Life's a mystery.
I'm not looking. I'm not calling out "Next." I'm just going to see where the road of friendship takes me with him. If I have anything to say about it, it will lead me into the 50s, 40s, and 30s.
Tuesday, April 28
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 73
AVERAGE heart rate: 145
Max heart rate: 163
Workout mode: CARDIO set at 155 HR @ 2.4-2.8 mph
Calories: 920 Distance: 2.71 Time: 65:00
Note: Doing this while Mr Listener was in the building with me is a huge accomplishment from the woman who used to only be able to work out in the middle of the night.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."