Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Keeping Sane

Happy Monday all.

Sending you all some well-earned hugs. That's about as nice as I feel I'm going to be in the next 48 hours. T.o.M. is looming like a hurricane on the western front.

Keep it real, and keep yourself sane when all around you is insanity.

And my nonsensical rant for the week:
WHAT are some of these designers thinking?

That an overweight woman will wear anything!?

Thank God I already have an entire wardrobe of clothes the next size down waiting for me to "shop" in my closet!

Tool Booth Guy is out. Mr Listener is in. He calls, he asks after my well-being, he speaks of the future (as in "next week, maybe we could do this"), he makes me laugh, he shares his innermost thoughts....does he sound like a girlfriend?! Whatever, he's a friend. That I happen to find adorable. And if he never kisses me, I'll learn to live with it. Just having someone here in Jersey who is around the corner so to speak feels very comforting. If he doesn't kiss me though, he might have to stop flirting with me...the PMS bear just might devour him. Don't worry, I'll warn him first.

2009: 15 lbs Down

Holy crapola, how awesome is that?
PMS MONSTER and all!

Well, I don't feel as though I should be celebrating, but really if I shake myself, I should be. Since I wrote myself that engraved invitation at the start of 2009, I've lost 15 lbs. And I'm continuing to lose. I am now at the weight I wanted to be when spring training started; well at least I reached that goal before opening day on April 6th! And when I see Varitek (who by the way is hitting the hell out of the ball Soxy Deb!) on the field on April 8th, I am just sure he will notice...from my SRO location two tiers above! Hey sweethearts, leave me my delusions, would you?

So I am 12 lbs away from where I was when I went to Bermuda last April. Maybe I can get back into the 50s in May sometime. And then I can say that the whole last year has been one giant do-over and re-start my real progress down, down, down. I know I'm tired of the fluctuating rollercoaster, aren't you? I'd rather be able to fit on a REAL rollercoaster! Some of you reading will remember that day years ago when I couldn't fit into the Batman ride.

And very importantly, I have solved my boredom on the treadmill. I can keep it fun and challenging right now, by switching between the fat burn and the cardio modes. After a few weeks of these, I'm going to take the machine's fit test. That should be eye-opening. It is vital to keep setting that bar for yourself, higher and higher. But not too high, I still need to be able to reach it to feel a sense of accomplishment.

And...ta-da...I've ordered a strapless pulse-rate monitor. It will live on my ARM! I cannot wait for it to arrive. It is sexier to me than a black strapless evening gown! It will NOT sync automagically with the LifeFitness equipment, and that is a GOOD thing! That is partly what I hated about the experience with the one I previously bought. Special thanks to Graciela for her heart rate monitor knowledge sharing in the name of empowerment and to my future trainer Beth who did some leg work researching different types. Is it September yet?


Wednesday, March 25
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 94
Workout heart rate: 112-145
Workout mode: random @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 459 Distance: 2:05 Time: 51:00

Abdominal press 60 lbs 3 sets of 20

Note: At least I went. I had also bathed both dogs that night. Numerous calories burned, no doubt about it.


Saturday, March 28
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate:
Workout heart rate: 145
Workout mode: CARDIO, 30 mins @ 2.6 mph; 30 mins @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 788 Distance: 2:77 Time: 65:00

Notes: There seems to be no difference to me in level of difficulty between the cardio and the fat burn. I can manipulate the speed and the incline on both and it will still reach for the target rate that I agreed for it to set. Last Sunday's effort was 2.8/3.0 in speed but with a target range of 140 and I guess that's what I'd attribute the higher calories burned. Lots to still figure out I'm sure.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Movers, Shakers, Groovers

"...Sandy the aurora is risin' behind us
The pier lights our carnival life forever

Love me tonight for I may never see you again

Hey Sandy girl..."

Springsteen, 4th of July, Asbury Park

Photos are from the sunset on Monday at Asbury Park. Couldn't get a good shot of the Convention Hall as the light was fading fast and there were way too many people to showcase the building properly.

Monday night at the Bruce show was wonderful. I even preferred that it was a rehearsal. I will not ever have another chance to be with so small a crowd (about 2,000) to see Bruce; it was like seeing him in a high school gymnasium. I loved that things were rough around the edges. Some of my co-workers were skeptical, like "You paid money to see a rehearsal...." Let me tell you, they haven't got a clue. They're so materialistic. A rehearsal of the E Street Band is better oiled than most polished acts on the road today. But that's OK, they don't have to know and they don't have to share my opinion. And I don't have to like them. :-)

I guess I can just appreciate works in progress because that's how I see myself. Hard work is a good thing to witness. A good reminder that nothing comes easily. Even when you have millions of dollars and 40 years of concert performing experience, life is going to throw you curve balls and you just have to handle them.

Mr Listener enjoyed himself, although I think I am vain enough to say he enjoyed spending time with me the most. What he saw of me that night: a dancing, singing, screaming, wiggling, overjoyed, not-a-care-in-the-world female, was not a view that a lot of guys ever get to see of me. I lost myself in the moment, as I had warned him I would, and sometimes I forgot he was there. Good thing the guy is an adult who can take care of himself! And the fact that he didn't run screaming is a good thing too.

I had so hoped for a kiss. He fell asleep in the last 20 minutes of the ride home. And when I woke him, he was sleepy. I got out of the car for a hug and we spent a few moments staring at each other but there was sleep running across his face. He was probably thinking "Who is this girl again?" Oh well.

Haven't seen each other during the week as we've both been working, but we are in communication daily, and we will probably see each other on his nights off Monday or Tuesday. There have been lots of long emails about deep subjects and he asked me for advice about losing weight!? Makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I'm sorry but a size 38 waist should not be a huge concern. But I have overcome my urge to scream "If you get any thinner, I'll never be equal in size to you..." as this is not about me, this is about how he feels about himself. So I have shared with him my secrets, including looking back and realizing how I lost 17 lbs in 30 days, the whole carb thing, the whole exercise thing, etc.

Yes, great to have someone else in your circle of friends who is interested enough to want to lose weight too. I'm not knocking it. I'm just hoping he doesn't disappear into a stick figure while I'm still a candied apple on a stick.

Toll Booth Guy has until Sunday night before he turns into Tool Booth Guy. It'll be 3 weekends he'll have had my phone number. Sorry, I know an aunt dying can totally suck, but he's just not that into me if he hasn't called. He probably just wanted to keep it at the flirting toll booth level. I pushed the envelope. That's me, I'm a risk taker. Or as Mr Listener calls it: a mover and a shaker. LMAO.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

On Tour


I've kidnapped Mr Listener
and we've gone on tour with Bruce.
The dogs are providing security
and the cat is taking inventory.

(Or....I'll get to a post soon!)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Inner Sanctum

Yeah, nice to lose on the weekend!

It is Brrrrruuuuuce Season!

I scored two tickets to Bruce's rehearsal show at the famed on-the-beach convention hall in Asbury Park TONIGHT! Peeps, this is the inner sanctum, the mecca of all gigs, for Bruce fans. And across the street is the other famed location, The Stone Pony. Only approximately 2,000 seats or so in the hall once the stage is all spread out. Intimate and pure E Street rocking musical fun is sure to be had. Yes, good things DO happen for $100.00!

And because good things do happen and should be paid forward, I asked Mr Listener to be my guest. I didn't mention a single bit about the cost, and I phrased it exactly that way "be my guest" so he wouldn't feel obligated to pay for the ticket. He said yes. I am over the moon thrilled because as much as it is a religious experience for me to see Bruce and I am often in my own world at that time, I do not enjoy being there alone. Especially when other couples are smooching. And especially when it lets out late at night and I have to drive back from somewhere I've only driven back from once before. I am not even hoping to convert Mr Listener into the ministry of rock and roll, but if he has a great time, it'll be a bonus.

This is such a thrill for me, I might be high from it all week.

And....because I won't be doing my usual Monday night routine, I went to the gym Sunday night. This is positive, forward thinking me. Rather than reacting, I'm being proactive. Rather proud of myself for that. Especially in light of the monster mother weekend.

I may have found the boredom breaker for my workout: Fat Burn mode.

Same amount of time, more calories, more distance. Of course, the treadmill had a hard time regulating my incline to my heart rate. It had to climb up to 15% incline to keep my rate at 140. I wonder what that means. It would keep dropping to 135. I think it means the bloody machines can't give an accurate reading that's what I think it means. I think IT was tired at the end. I kicked its ass! Downside, you have to keep your hands on the sensors constantly.

Anyone out there with a 44 inches or larger size chest that uses a heart rate strap? One year later and I still cannot find one that fits me. Maybe I will have to use Soxy Deb's handy dandy shopping search engine to find me one.


Sunday March 22
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 85
Workout heart rate: 140
Workout mode: FAT BURN, 30 mins @ 2.8 mph; 30 mins @ 3.0 mph
Calories: 923 Distance: 2:95 Time: 65:00

Abdominal press 60 lbs 3 sets of 20

Notes: Personal best. Check out those calories and distance!

A Sweating in CT

Special super shoutout to my sis G...


You saved me yesterday and you weren't even there. There we were, squatting at your house while you were away, and our handyman brother was building you a workspace in your basement.

You saved me because you had a treadmill upstairs. So when the constant question and analysis of the dogs concluded, the playing of FOX news and negative-Obama-bashing began. And then it got to be too much because it was paired with not once, not twice, but triple offerings (and triple refusals!) of ice cream (after eggplant parmigiana and pizza were already floating through my overloaded digestive system) seeping into my numbed mind. Oh my god, I was in danger. The warning level had been raised to code red. There was a chance I was going to become a truly negative evil bitch, say some nasty things, and become just like our mother.

But wait! Your treadmill shown in the heavens like a glorious angelic savor. Nestled between two sofas, your treadmill was my escape. With only a short pang of regret that the dogs had to remain downstairs for 60 minutes, I bolted for the refuge of sweating it out at 3 mph with my mp3s blasting to drown out the maddening theater of FOX news downstairs. Oh yes, there is hope! Green Day saved me, American Idiot indeed.

I will note that the heart rate readout is somewhat silly, going from 97 bpm to 150 bpm in less than 2 seconds. I started to think maybe there was another entitiy in the room with a heart beat much faster than mine and the machine was adding them together. Hahaha. Brother took my pulse afterwards and it was 88 bpm. Very good!

Saturday March 21
PreCor 9.93 Treadmill
Walk3 mode
Starting rate: 85
Workout rate: 110--185 (I know this is wrong!)
Calories: 618 Distance: 2:61 Time: 60:00


Speaking of other entities...my hometown is now famous. Yup, I know the house, and I know the stories of A Haunting in Connecticut. The moment I saw the ad on television, I knew they were talking about my hometown haunt. Lovely. Just what the town needs, good for tourism.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Reality Check Photos

Wednesday March 18
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 85
Workout heart rate: 110--155
Workout mode: Hill, level 11 at 2.6--3.0 mph
Calories: 601 Distance: 2:79 Time: 65:00

Notes: First time on the Hill mode. I didn't like the Hill. It didn't seem enough of a challenge. Never thought I would say that. And the numbers aren't any different than the random. Hmmmm. Maybe I need to try the cardio or fat burn modes.

Here's what Life Fitness owner's manuals say about the workout modes:

RANDOM is an interval training workout of constantly changing intensity levels that occur in no regular pattern or progression.

HILL is an interval training workout. Intervals are periods of intense aerobic exercise separated by regular periods of lower-intensity exercise.

FAT BURN is a low-intensity workout for burning the body’s fat reserves. The user wears a heart rate chest strap, or grasps the Lifepulse sensors continuously. The program adjusts the intensity level through changing the incline (elevation), based on the actual heart rate, to maintain the rate at 65 percent of the theoretical maximum.

CARDIO is a higher intensity workout for more fit users, emphasizing cardiovascular benefits and maximum fat burning. The user wears a heart rate chest strap, or grasps the Lifepulse sensors continuously. The program adjusts the intensity level, based on the actual heart rate, to maintain the rate at 80 percent of the theoretical maximum.


I've got to do SOMETHING fun and different on that treadmill because this week I took this photographic reality check posted below, and I almost gave up all positive thoughts about another guy, let alone Mr. Listener, ever kissing me.

Yeaaaaah. OH WELL, it is what it is. And seeing this is important. Because I was starting to feel good, the kind of feel good that makes me slack off. And now there will be no slacking off. None.

And on that note, I'm off to visit with my mother for a few hours. With the dogs. And my brother. And one of my sisters. My goal: exercise while there and DO NOT stop and eat fast food on the way there or back. Please oh please oh please let me be good to myself.

Attention Queen

Well, well, well...

Saw Toll Booth Guy. He was so sad, if I could have painted a sad clown face on him, it would have accurately described him. Down-turned mouth, puppy dog brown eyes, the works. His aunt died. He's off to upstate NY for a few days. I gave him my warmest, heartfelt condolences. He apologized to me for spreading bad news on my Thursday morning. I told him, that's not an issue, that's the way life is. He mentioned the awkwardness of not seeing cousins etc for a long time til someone dies. I commiserated. I offered him my ear if he "needs to talk about anything, give me a call." He said he'd call. Again. I drove off, thinking, "Somehow I doubt it...."

And then, in the late afternoon, Mr Listener called me and after about 45 lovely non-work minutes of conversation in the middle of my day about banal-yet-fascinating topics to the both of us such as "what type of house structures have you lived in and how did it make you feel to live there," he invited me with these words "why don't you come hang out at the restaurant, tonight or whenever you want...and we can talk some more." Right into his work setting. My god, he's really different. I was.....stunned. And luckily because he has a crap cell phone and it is always a little scratchy, I had to ask him to repeat what he'd said. So then I quipped "Will there be a seat reserved in the VIP section?" and he said, "Yes, you can sit in my lap..." *blink* Wow. Where did that come from? Does my new friend really *hubba hubba* like me after all? I wonder.

So I went. And I sat. In a booth. And he treated me like a queen. And he sat with me and we tried to talk but it was so busy, he really couldn't spend as much time as he wanted. Which was good. I acted very casual and didn't demand his attention. I brought my laptop and worked on my novel which made him curious. Which was good.

And when I left, he gave me a big hug. And then he followed me out in the parking lot to tell me I'd paid too much for the bill and we had a little moment where I was really close to him, and I tilted my head and I asked him if the amount of money I left was really an important matter to him. And he said well, yes but...and I said....it wasn't as though we weren't going to see each other again, why can't it be a give and take situation. And he said OK that next time he was paying for everything. And I just smiled and agreed. I know the man has pride and I'm not going to step on it, but he'd just admitted earlier in the day he's taking in a roommate because he can't pay his bills alone anymore. If he's going to be that open to me about his situation, then he's going to have to handle me paying for some things. This may be a slippery slope to things being difficult between us but I hope not. I hope we're both mature enough to just continue to talk about things, including how we feel. Pretty good so far.

But damn, I wanted to kiss him. Of course I reminded myself I had grilled onions, so I kept my mouth shut. I consumed a delicious burger. Which was not good for my thighs, but that's OK.

I am smiling for the moment. At least until my next post about...reality photos.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Kiss Me I'm....

....well, Scottish really, but anyway. Kiss me, I'm dying for a kiss! Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!

(Don't know how that happened, but I'll take a pound loss.)

Everyone, you're so awesome to root for me on the sidelines of my dating world. Thank you very much from the bottom of my once romantic, now nearly jaded little heart!

Mr Listener and I went out AGAIN, last night! I don't know that that has EVER happened before. Two nights in a row? It is so easy, so casual, so friendly between us. We went and played pool for 2.5 hours. He beat me soundly 5 of the 6 games, and I came close to winning but scratched on the 8 ball. I was really so impressed that he didn't hold back, and our warm shared sense of humor bounced around the table which made the time even more enjoyable. There was definite flirting and definite playful innuendos on both our parts. Then neither of us wanted to go home (and I MUST point out for once there was NO attempt to get back to my house, get into my pants etc, which is so refreshing I can't quite describe it...) so we walked laps around the parking lot, at a slow pace, and talked and talked. He asked many pointed questions, and we learned a lot about each other. He asks important, well thought out questions, the kind a writer would ask. Which I value so much. I always ask those types of questions and most people think I'm crazy to want to know a level of detail about something that they have likely not even considered themselves.

When it came time to tally up, I whipped out my card and said "Please let me pay, the loser should pay..." and I looked at him with pleading eyes. I could tell it troubled him slightly. Pride, I understand it. So when he said "how about we split it?" I agreed. I just can't help but feel like there's no reason he should have to pay for it all when I know (and he doesn't know but probably suspects) that I'm making far more money than he is. What do you all think about this stuff? In the dating world right now, there are a lot of laid-off people, misplaced workers, etc. If the income levels are really drastic, would that determine whether or not you dated someone?

I must say by the end of our time together last night, I found him very cute and very kissable, but there was no kiss. Several hugs, lingering feel good hugs which were like shots of B12 to my soul, but no kiss. I definitely want a kiss. I want to see how it would feel.

Should a woman ever ask for a kiss? Should a woman just add a kiss to the cheek when she goes in for a hug? I hear the voice saying, "Trust me if a guy wants to kiss you, he'll find a way to kiss you." But....what if he likes a woman to make the first move? That doesn't seem right though as this particular guy seems traditional and old school in other aspects. He did say he likes to take things slow. Hmmm, maybe we should try holding hands. Hahaha, I feel like I'm in junior high school.

Have not crossed paths with Toll Booth guy, but my coworker reported seeing him in lane 4 yesterday. Oh well, fate will decide.

I went to the gym late Monday night, but I didn't go last night. Does playing pool and doing slow laps around a parking lot and laughing a lot count for any exercise? I wasn't eating, I wasn't thinking about food, and I felt a sense of happiness. These are good things for me.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Weekend Catch Up

Let me say that I love dogs. Besides stating the obvious, I need to say this because of the weekend I just survived. Four dogs are awesome. Four dogs make a pack. Four dogs is chaos canine style. Pure and simple. And did I mention I love dogs? In particular, I love these four dogs. My two and Sweden's two. There's isn't a thing in the world I wouldn't do for them. With all their personality quirks and special needs. But I am honestly not sure I could handle life on a regular daily (non-vacation status) basis with four dogs.

In other words, my weekend wore me out. But I had a lot of fun. But I'm wondering if it wore me out at age 39...what happens when I turn....39 again and again? Hopefully, I'll be fitter and fitter and I'll be able to last a bit...?

I didn't succumb to too much temptation this weekend: dessert on Friday night and a Belgian waffle with honey and walnuts on Sunday morning. But once my weekend entourage left, I felt consumed with the need to eat carbs. And I went shopping hungry. And I bought dreamfield pasta. And I ate one cupful. I'll live. It could've been much worse.

And now in the world of me & men...

Toll booth guy hasn't turned into tool booth guy yet, but he hasn't called either. I didn't have a particular deadline in mind, but now that I've thought about it, I suspect if he hasn't called before March 22, chances are he's just not that into me. Or he's busy breaking up with someone so he can spend the rest of his life with me.

But not one to wait around, I met up with a local OKCer last night. Locals (in Jersey that means it doesn't take you 40 minutes to get to each other's places) are rare, and I didn't want to miss out on this one. Mr Listener is a very solid friend potential, possible romance potential. We both identify as being intuitive, empathic, and seek to treat others in our lives with respect. Imagine that. We might be too alike. Although he is the wrong zodiac sign for me. His photo didn't do him justice. He has warm hazel eyes and he really looks at you and listens when you're speaking. He likes to take things slow. We agreed to meet for "a beverage" which is what I insisted on calling it because I don't drink coffee. Once we hugged hello, it was instantly obvious we would be staying for some food.

He asked, "Are you hungry? Let me buy you something to eat." Which took care of the who is going to pay issue right off the bat. Which is incredibly nice because I know already he's struggling with a less than preferred work situation.

I stared at the ordering menu in horror. Panera, my old friend you, how hath thou bread been? I heard myself ordering "One semolina loaf, one rye loaf, one wheat, one ......oh no that's just for me...." Hahaha. Actually almost everything on their menu has either basil or oregano in it so I played it safe with a salad with grilled chicken. It was ginormous. Enough salad for three people, easily. Which justified the price of $8.00. I wasn't all that thrilled with the vinaigrette dressing so I ate what I wanted and left a majority of it, at which point he asked me if it wasn't good. I said I was going to the gym later and didn't want to be indigesting salad dressing all night (which I was anyway). We talked straight up about exercise and he admitted he refuses to buy new clothes and wants to get back into his size. One size. OK, he can relate a little. I volunteered information about what I've lost so far and how I'm definitely in the midst of a recreation in progress. He seemed totally supportive. We talked about doing active things together, like bike riding. What a concept.

We hung out for 3 hours and it flew by. More time in the car talking, listening to music, and then more time on the phone after that. Definite solid friend potential. No kiss, but I didn't feel there had to be one so I wasn't upset.

Am I attracted to him? Sure, but I know myself well enough to know that right now I'd be attracted to anyone who showed me the least amount of attention. Including most likely a troll that lived under a bridge. Of which Mr Listener definitely is not. Still, I must be careful and respectful of myself and of him.


Monday March 16
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 85
Workout heart rate: 110--155
Workout mode: Random, 30 mins level 11 at 2.6 mph
Workout mode: Random, 30 mins level 12 at 2.8 mph
Calories: 635 Distance: 2:73 Time: 65:00

Abdominal press 50 lbs 4 sets of 20

Notes: I'm getting a little bored with the random routine. I might try the Hills next.

Saturday March 14
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: forgot
Workout heart rate: 108--145
Workout mode: Random, 30 mins level 11 at 2.6 mph
Workout mode: Random, 30 mins level 12 at 2.8 mph
Calories: 664 Distance: 2:81 Time: 65:00

Abdominal press 50 lbs 4 sets of 20

Sunday, March 15, 2009

God of Carnage

God of Carnage was hilarious. Cuttingly sardonic look at the polite manners we uphold and the reality of what we sometimes feel beneath it all. Splendidly acted by all four: Jeff Daniels, Marcia Gay Harden, James Gandolfini, and Hope Davis. Seeing them made the play 100% more entertaining, for me. I am a celeb gawker, and I would have stood outside for autographs (Saw Hope Davis signing), but I was with the royal princess of Sweden, and you know, well, we have to be sensitive to her need for security.

Here are some photos from the night...I warned you....food porn....

This was the cutest thing.
We saw at least 15 dogs being walked while we ate dinner.

Dinner was at Taboon,
which is the name of the oven used to cook the bread.
This was the delicious bread and Sweden's drink.

This was my appetizer, shrimp wrapped in kataifi, shredded phyllo dough. It was paired with the most delicious combination of fresh tomato, scallions, and mint with a light yogurt sauce.

Lamb Kebab or kofte. Not quite the way my former Turkish mother in-law used to make it, but delicious nonetheless. Over eggplant and tomatoes with that same lickable garlic yogurt.

My drink was called the Persian Kitty.
Meow baby. Bourbon and mint.
One sip and I was back in Kentucky watching the Derby.

Friday, March 13, 2009

At least I went...

Thursday night, my VIP houseguests arrived for the weekend. And before I knew it 1am had rolled around. I knew I wouldn't have a chance to go to the gym on Friday, so I had to go. It was short, but I went. At least I went.

Next post will contain food porn. Just warnin' ya.

Thursday March 12
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: forgot
Workout heart rate: forgot
Workout mode: Random, level 11 at 2.8 mph
Calories: 300 Distance: 1.31 Time: 33:31

Seated leg press 70 lbs 3 sets of 10
Abdominal press 50 lbs 4 sets of 20
Chest press 40 lbs 3 sets of 10

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Toll Booth Roulette

Well, Sony won't let me embed this song, but they'll let me link to it. And here's the one line I keep singing:

You can sing along too if you want. And who can resist George Michael's 80s ass?

So....I gave UP Wednesday morning trying to "decide" which lane Toll Booth Guy would be in. For those of you playing along with the board game at home, move my car ahead 9 spaces...it was 9 working days since I'd handed him that lottery ticket.

AND THEN...I must've drawn a wild card from the Full Moon Fever of Fate, because I landed right in his lane!

I was beside myself with shock. I was literally sitting in the passenger seat looking at myself in the driver's seat and saying, "Can you freaking believe this!?"

I was all thumbs, turning the radio up when I wanted to turn it down, putting on the 4WD lock when I meant to put on the hazard lights. Putting the gear in reverse for a moment when I meant to put it in park. I had to actually think to myself: GET_IT_TOGETHER!

And then, I couldn't have written the dialogue better in my head...

Him...."Heeey how are you!? Where've you been?"
Me...."Me? I was sure YOU'D gone off with those millions."
Him...."Awww no way, I'd come back and get you."

Cars are already beeping behind me and flashing their lights, which is earlier than normal; usually people give us a few moments reprieve. Come on, can't they see I have my hazard lights flashing!?

WTF, these people actually WANT to get to work?

Can't they see this toll booth guy is grinning ear to ear? When do they EVER see that? Isn't that what New Yawkers and New Joisyans pay taxes for? To see someone SMILE once in awhile? Oh....that's right I forgot where I was for a moment. New Yawkers don't smile. And they sure as shit don't want to see anyone else smiling.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, SMILING...I was smiling!
And the moon was full.
He was grinning.
And I was giving myself a pep talk:

~Muster up the balls GIRL and bloody ask him!~

Me...."So, I just have to ask..."
Me...."Are you married....or engaged...?"

The look of surprise was priceless. Martin Scorsese would have been pleased.

Him...."No no I'm not married. I have a son...but he's -- well how old do you think I am?"

Me....quite perplexed he's bringing up his son and his age because, why.....exactly? "Ummm, I don't know....late 30s, early 40s?"
Him...."I'm 46..."

It dawns on me like buttah....he thinks I'm much younger. Gotta set that straight and hurry because isn't that a New Yawker getting out of his car behind me with a Yankers bat in his hands coming to smash in my Red Sox automobile's tailights?

Me...."So? I'm 39..."
Him...."No way....really?"
Me...."Yeah....so, we should hang out sometime...."

That's right, me, casual...keeping it casual.

Him...."Definitely, I'd like that. Give me your number..."

Yes! Jackpot!

Me...."You have it...."
Him...."Noooo, you never gave it to me, did you?"

At this point he looked so confused I could've given him a hug.

Me...."Well sort of...it was on the back of the lottery ticket."
Him....giving himself a good old facepalm to the forehead...."D'oh! Really?"

He scrambles for a piece of paper and pen, hands it to me and I swear I have no recollection of what number I wrote down. I hope to freaking god I put the right number. I know I got the area code.

Me....grinning, handing it back to him, hearing myself say...."I better go before these people beat us..."

Him...."OK I'll definitely call you sweetheart..."

I accomplished something. I feel good about that. Of course, now he has to call. Let's hope my Toll Booth Guy doesn't become Tool Booth Guy.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Best and Worst

You will be dismayed. You will be alarmed. You will be enlightened.

Choose to arm yourself with knowledge and choose wisely when dining out.

Personally, eating responsibly while dining out is my single biggest obstacle. I have yet to master it.

The Best and Worst Restaurants in America


Tuesday March 10

Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 60 (I'm sorry but shouldn't I be dead?)
Workout heart rate: 110 (low) to 155 (high)
Workout mode: Random, level 11 at 2.8 mph
Calories: 306 Distance: 1.34 Time: 33:14

Seated leg press 70 lbs 3 sets of 10
Abdominal press 50 lbs 4 sets of 20
Chest press 40 lbs 3 sets of 10

Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 100 (right after weights)
Workout heart rate: 127 (low) to 158 (high)
Workout mode: Random, level 12 at 2.8 mph
Calories: 175 Distance: 0.76 Time: 17:03

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Spring Has Sprung

I feel like I'm trapped inside a video game.

I reached another level last night on the tread. Level 12. It felt like an extra hard bonus round with my T.o.M. hitting me like a bloody Soprano episode. The treadmill goes up to 9.2 incline grade. And I was laughing at my reflection in the turned-off TV monitor in my face.

What's my prize?

Well, I can tell you what it isn't going to be. It isn't going to be an Italian bodyguard...it is Tuesday, he hasn't touched base. I'm pretty sure he just isn't "that into meeting me." I figured it was too good to be true. He's out of my league; I need an uglier man so I feel prettier. Sick twisted but realistic, isn't it? And that's OK. Bodyguard guy's a playa, I'm sure, but I would've made an exception and played around with him.

But guys seem to be growing like weeds. Got two on the horizon, at the phone and email stage. Go figure. One gets squashed and another two pop up in his place. Must be spring.

Monday March 9

Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 82
Workout heart rate: 110 to 156 mph
Mode: 30 minutes Random, Level 11 at 2.8 mph
Mode: 30 minutes Random, Level 12 @ 3.0 mph
Calories: 651 Distance: 2.90 Time: 64.46

Abdominal press 50 lbs 3 sets of 20


Saturday March 7
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 85
Workout heart rate: 120 (low) to 140 (high)
Workout mode: Random, level 11 at 2.8 mph
Calories: 216 Distance: 1.00 Time: 23.07

Seated leg press 70 lbs 3 sets of 10
Abdominal press 50 lbs 3 sets of 20
Chest press 40 lbs 3 sets of 10

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Today's date was:

Saturday night, while on 3rd phone call of the day with today's potential date, he claimed out-of-the-blue that (although I'd talked to him several times a day for 7 days) he felt that I was not interested enough in him. Because during the 2nd call of the day, I told him I really couldn't talk as I was doing other things. But, he said, as if he was being gracious, that he'd meet me anyway, if I still wanted. Excuse me? I told him, "Forrrrrrrrrgeeeeeeet iiiiiiiiit!"

Then, today one hour after we had been set to meet, he leaves me a VM..."I really don't want to lose you. Please let's be friends."

My thoughts:
Lose me? Buddy, you never had me. Ummmmmmm. I swear to God, I cannot make this shit up, it is too bizarre. I talked to that guy more in the last 7 days than I even talked to the Princess of Sweden! But he's right, he did me a favor. Now I know that great restaurant exists and I can go some other time! Ha!

Let's see if Bodyguard guy can come through.


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Music of Course

First - thanks to MANY people who indicated to me that all I needed to add was music for my workouts. Sillyheads, I guess it wasn't obvious...I'd be DEAD without music! I've had music on from the moment I first stepped into that gym. I particularly love the following while working out:

Black Eye Peas
Clint Black
Bon Jovi
KT Tunstall
Lucinda Willams
Green Day
Chemical Brothers, Fight Club soundtrack

I tried all week to guess which lane toll booth guy would be in, and just like the lottery, I came up wrong each time. Twice I saw him two lanes over and I tried to get his attention. Oh well. That's what happens when you put too much energy into something; you drive it away.

Maybe that's what's happening with the weight loss too. Maybe I'm trying too hard. I don't know. My Emergency October 2008 business trip fat jeans are looser which is a nice sign, the scale isn't going UP which is a nice sign, I'm enjoying working out which is a nice sign....I'm just so sick to death of having to watch what I eat, deny myself what I really want, and have to tell all the guys who want to date me why I'm at the gym so much. Yes, I've made it an important part of my life so the guys like to say things like "wow, you're at the gym so much, you must be an athlete..."

It is what it is.

Thursday night's guy was hilarious. Stand-up comedian type. Many voices that he would launch into at random and cause me to laugh until tears were streaming out of my eyes. But...there's always a but, right? He suffers from panic attacks (think Tony from The Sopranos). So....dinner turned into "meeting in a bookstore cafe" instead at his request. And.....although we got along great and he indicated he'd love to see me again, when I asked him on Friday if he wanted to see a movie/have dinner/play pool, he said he couldn't because he was putting up dry wall. I told him well, just so we're clear, the ball is in your court. He said he'd call me Saturday. He hasn't.

Sunday's early dinner date is in the city. A foreign-born US citizen is taking me to the best Turkish restaurant in New York City. As long as they don't have belly dancers, I'll be OK. Yes, wish me luck. I will need the extra daylight hours to find my way back to Jersey.

Oh and the Italian bodyguard for the Knicks? Yeah, he wants to meet me Tuesday.

So really, I have nothing to complain about! I am the international dating mecca of the east coast!

Could someone please slap me?

Going to be changing the blog around, so I'll probably just sort these things down here.

Friday March 6 Workout
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 75
Workout heart rate: 96 to 145 mph
Workout mode: Random, Level 11 at 2.8 mph
Last 15 minutes @ 3.0 mph
Calories: 644
Distance: 2.86
Time: 64:12

Abdominal press 50 lbs 4 sets of 20

It is getting harder to get my heart rate up. A sign of getting fitter I guess.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Subliminal Saboteur

I had a moment as I neared the 40-minute mark of my 60-minute, 648-calorie, cardio workout tonight. When the incline hit 8.5 and I closed my eyes as I usually do, I saw myself climbing a very steep hill and when I looked up, I saw a rather good-looking gentleman standing there with open arms. I must say, he looked a little like this:

I've also discovered a subliminal saboteur (thanks in part to Carolina's sabotage post). For me, they are the nearly constant food advertisements on television. So, I'm DVRing all my shows now and I'm fast-forwarding through the ads. AND...and this I think is key...I'm not putting the tv on the treadmill anymore. In 60 minutes I would see at least 7 ads for food. Now I just have to stare back at my face. No, I can't read. I do that for a living. Not doing it on the treadmill.

I haven't seen toll booth guy since Friday. Wicked bummah. Maybe tomorrow.

I have a dinner date with a local guy tomorrow. I'm thinking he could be a friend. We'll see.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Mental Meltdown

You might want to skip this post. Because right now, I hate myself.

I've been doing really well so far in 2009. The regular exercise has evened out my mood swings and my saddened state of mind over being so lonely. But today, today I really hit a brick wall at 100 mph.

Have you ever done this (something like this)? Do you know what it feels like? Yes? Great, stick with me. No? Well, I can't really explain it and you might feel lost.

I worked -so- hard tonight. That's my evidence above. That's what I need to focus on.

But....no, let's rewind to 6 hours ago. When I had a mental meltdown during a conference call. Thank god for the mute button. No one noticed. I suffered in silence as I listened to all the work expected of me in the month of March. And then...when I was done sobbing, what did I do to make myself feel better?

I ate an entire bag of these:

An entire 5.5 ounce bag. Of which there were supposedly 5 servings at 140 calories each. 700 calories gone in about 10 minutes. 95 grams of carbs. Yup.

Did they taste good? Oh yeah. Did I feel better about the workload? Yeah actually, a bit.

Oh some will notice, I did make a healthy choice at the store. Brown rice, whole grain, yadda yadda yadda. That could've been, but wasn't, a bag of doritos.

But when it came right down to a mental meltdown reaction to work what did I do? I went straight for the carbs I allowed back into the cabinets and I inhaled them completely.

Yeah, I've got a problem.

Cranky Indecisiveness

Damn the 70s, they won't go away. In fashion, in music, in weight!

T.o.M. was only here 2 weeks ago, so why today do my hips feel like they're in a vice grip and someone keeps turning the handle another notch? I'm on mega doses of Ibuprofen and thank god there is 7 inches of snow falling with more to come, so I don't have to put on the office face. If I had to take a worrisome guess as to what this is, I would say arthritis. Sundays are my no gym days, so I rested, tossed the frisbee for Chad, ran errands, watched movies and caught up on recorded tv shows. And now today my hips are screaming.

Anyway....toll booth guy....well, I'll give him another ticket, sure no problem. But I'm not going to set myself up to look like a fool. Before I hand it to him I'm going to say, "So, what's the deal, are you married or engaged?" And if he says no, then I'll hand it to him and say, "My phone number was on the last ticket...." and bam, there it is. I'll either face the rejection or he'll look sheepish for not knowing. I am at the end of my coy-playing techniques.

Oh and as for my grand European trip....doesn't seem likely. Breaks my flipping heart to say that. I can't find anything in my price range for the length of time I feel it is worth going. I think 3500 is too much for one person to spend on a holiday. There's no point in flying all the way to Italy if you don't have at least 5-7 days on the ground. I can't believe the prices haven't come down. I guess the wealthy continue to travel enough to keep the prices where they are. Ireland isn't any better. I'm still looking (thanks Butterfly for the GoTours link, they're just too expensive) but it seems everywhere costs more if you're not booking double occupancy.

If I shift my focus to a vacation in the states, I am drawn to the Outer Banks, Colorado, and maybe Chicago. I don't know. September isn't the greatest time to travel to Colorado. And I'm not usually so indecisive. What the hell is wrong with this Sagittarian?

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.