Replacement Addiction

Positive: 14 lbs lost in 2009, that's a good thing!

Thanks for all the notes and smoke signals asking me how I am and how everything is going. Things are going better than they have been since I started this blog, which is interesting as I find myself somewhat at a loss for what to write about.

It is entirely possible that the last single gentleman in Jersey has wandered his way into my life. And it appears as if he's setting up camp to stay a while. And I don't quite know what to do with that beautiful information. I find myself not even wanting to speak of it, for the thought that I may overthink things and/or wake up from the "relationship beginnings" honeymoon phase.

We have spent Sunday evening, Monday evening, Tuesday evening, and Wednesday evening together. I don't know many heterosexual men who could willingly fall asleep with someone they feel is attractive. Mr Listener and I have fallen asleep together twice now, once at his place and once at my place, like two tired people who just want the warmth and contentment of another special person's presence. How's that for taking it slow? Feels pretty good to me. I can't recall ever doing that before. He's really opened up and tells me things like: "You turn me on, physically and intellectually, you have so many things I am looking for in more ways than one. I haven't felt this way in a long time. Thank you." which is another element I'm left baffled about. I can visualize his words in the atmosphere of toxicity that is the outer world and they're so precious and fragile, I feel like I'm running around trying to put them in glass case to preserve for the museum. "Here are the words of the last single Jersey gentleman, spoken or written in week 6."

But...haven't I been here before? Or is this all new territory? The warm gooey lightheaded sensation feels familiar. My friends can attest to the gushing I've done in the past over men who have ended up hurting me, so I am relying on them to keep me level-headed. But things with Mr Listener seem new because he has some traits I have not experienced before: He listens, he expresses his emotions when he has them, he gives compliments and gives thanks for compliments quite well, he has a curious nature that matches mine to a T. I don't know what else...I'll have to think on it. Oh, he's also very keyed in to MY goals, and offering help and support. Which I have to admit I was fretting over. A guy who can get you any type of food anytime you want it....how would that help me, I thought. Well, it is helping me, it is helping me learn how not to indulge just because I'm in a restaurant setting. Just because I go there to hang out, doesn't mean I have to eat. Whoa, is that a wondrous revelation. Still a struggle as the smell of cheese fries wafts over to the table of teenagers, but then I just look at Mr Listener and I think that his kisses taste better than those fries ever will.

Yup, replacement addiction. I'm on it.


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Thursday, April 16
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 78
AVERAGE heart rate: 135
Workout mode: RANDOM level 13 @ 2.6/2.8/3.0 mph
Calories: 662 Distance: 2.72 Time: 65:00

Note: Still no where near 150 for an average heart rate but good to just be back on track and making movement that doesn't hurt. My knee hurt a bit after Sunday's effort. So I'm glad to see that went away. Very important not to shorten stride but extend it as much as possible.

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Sunday, April 12
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 78
AVERAGE heart rate: 132
Workout mode: RANDOM level 13 @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 676 Distance: 2.70 Time: 65:00

Note: Trying to get back on track after being away for 5 days!