A day ago, out of the blue, he asked me if I ever considered the idea of being his roommate in his house.
Which word did you stumble over?
For me, it was r-o-o-m-m-a-t-e.
Um yeah, no.
Thanks, but no.
Not going to share space with someone I'm not in a couple's relationship with. to which he said, "Hmmm, ok. Well, keep it in mind." And then he went on about putting his ad in the newspaper.
But I find his pondering of this situation odd and interesting, because he's got such a problem with the pet hair (to which he said he'd just keep his bedroom door closed). And his yard doesn't have a fence (to which he said he'd be willing to help me put one up).
I think the man doesn't think things through as much as I would. He's never seen Duncan get into one of his moods and sit on top of the refrigerator to survey his land below. He's never seen Chad in a thunderstorm. He's never...did I mention we've only known each other a little more than 2 months? Do you really ask someone you don't know that well to consider moving in with you? I guess you do, when you're desperate for help to pay the mortgage. I was forced to do that once too, and I'll never forgive myself for it. Totally ruined my farm life.
Anyway, combine those odd thoughts with with the weather, the fact that the rescue dog STILL cannot stop scratching herself (3 months and MANY products and options later), and the rumors flying around work that there will be a department reorg in October, and I'm just plum tuckered out.
The other day I was standing at the copier machine and a co-worker came up and asked me how things were going. I looked at him and without batting an eyelash I said, "Well, to be honest, I miss when the most difficult task I had for the day was loading 250 bales of hay into the hayloft of the barn."
It's funny. I'm sure at the time, I wasn't stacking that hay with a grin on my face. But there was such a sense of accomplishment with a well-stocked, well-cleaned barn that just does not exist in conglomerate corporate megaworld where you can't even get an answer to a simple charity matching fund question.
But I can't complain too much, because I don't think my body is capable of doing that hard work anymore. 22 stalls, all cleaned by myself? Regardless of the weather. I've gone so soft, I wouldn't even make it through 10 stalls.
But today, I really feel trapped. Trapped into the salary I'm getting, the place I'm living, and the near future that looms ahead. I'm sure it'll pass. Or sink back down to the depths of my soul, but I know this is coming out because of the book I'm reading. The author says "If you're not doing something you love, you're sabotaging yourself for pain and unhappiness and....weight gain."
Ohh boy, don't ya just love self-awareness? Hit it Bruce...
Wednesday, May 6
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 96 (what was that about?)
AVERAGE heart rate: 134
Max heart rate: 151
Workout mode: RANDOM, level 14 @ 2.8/3.0 mph
Calories: 715 Distance: 2.81 Time: 65:00
Note: Felt great to go back to my old workout version, even though I couldn't get my average heart rate up to 145. It is supposed to be good to vary the routine.