morning reality: xxx lbs
Valentine's day goal: xxx lbs
Oh boy, do I have something to tell. But I've got to talk about other stuff first.
So the trainwreck of last weekend's date/dinner disaster and burger 2 lb overload is gone off my body; I'm back down to where I was before that happened. But guess what? Just in time for another weekend to face. Anyone ever feel like they're taking one step up and two steps back? Honestly, I'm on that 11th rung of hell where you keep repeating the same mistake. OK. NOT this weekend! I am proactively going to exercise and exorcise the hell out of myself!
Dinner out tonight? Yes.
Will I have carbs? Yes, but I will limit them to tortillas, not fried.
Will I have a drink? Yes, but just one.
Will I have dessert? No. That's the trade off. The drink is the dessert.
Will I exercise tonight/early tomorrow morning? Yes. When I get home, I will go to the gym for my regular cardio. No matter what. That's the price of going out.
As for Saturday, well this is what I wanted to tell you...come closer.
(Not that close, you hit your nose against the monitor didn't you?)
I'm going to meet one of the guys who has been pursuing me online for about two weeks. The kicker is
Is it possible I may have scored the mega motherload wish of all single women (and maybe some married women) trying to lose weight? Me? A date with a guy who could be into me and supportive, perhaps even downright helpful with suggestions and knowledge? I asked to win the lottery; maybe this was my prize instead?
Yes, he knows what I look like. I know, you're as surprised as I am.
I'm afraid I'll be feeling too scrutinized to eat (which I realize is ALL in my head), but I'm going to face my fear and meet him anyway. Since we've had some personal semi-deep online conversations about body image etc, he's well aware that I'm sensitive about it. Even so, he's expressed immense interest, insisting he's not a "body freak like some trainers." His words.
So, who knows, maybe I could be his pet project. That's my thought, not his...at least, I think.
But of course, words are words are words. Geesh do I KNOW that lesson already. That was the 12th rung of hell, thanks very much. Words are words and actions are actions. For most people, their word is not their bond anymore, but something they use to twist things to their version of reality. I of course, value words like treasured gems, but others toss them around willy-nilly. These days, my stance must be that words mean little however beautifully they're phrased.
So the buff personal trainer and I have to eyeball each other and see what's what. I am soooooooo nervous! What am I going to eat? "Yes waiter, I'll have water please, with a side of water." I'll just chew on my hair and look coquettishly at my date.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."