Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Corporate Screaming

Uh-oh, the downward spiral continues.

Had what I thought was going to be a fairly positive performance review yesterday.

Wow, was I wrong. My boss actually said "there's no reason to focus on what's right, so let's just focus on what needs improvement." WTF? There's no reason? There's every reason! Where's the opportunity to acknowledge what's gone well in this incredibly difficult year? And this is a boss I normally love to work for!

And suddenly, focusing on the improvements needed, I felt the swirling sensation around me that I am so not cut out for this corporate bullshit. Basically, the areas of improvement involve behavioral changes such as conflict resolution and effective verbal communication. Change who I am, for the company. Be a different person, think and act outside my comfort zone, FOR THE COMPANY. I'm sorry but I don't live my life that way! If I want to change, I will change FOR MYSELF. And the more you try to force me to, the more I will resist. Screw it. I am not, nor do I suspect I ever will be, corporate material.

All I want to do is emit a very loud primal scream in the middle of my department. Maybe they'll declare me unfit to work, and I can go on medical leave for 6 months like two other members of the department.

This was supposed to be a 5 year gig at the most. This is year 4, and now circumstances are forcing me to consider if I'm going to be here the rest of my life. You just don't see 4th decade individuals walking away from jobs that you basically cannot get fired from (laid off, yes but fired, no). I woke up this morning and started trying to psyche myself to go to work.

"You've got it so good, you've got it so good."
"You've got it so good, you've got it so good."

Somehow it rang hollow.

Somebody slap me, kick me, punch me, hug me, kiss me, love me, fuck me, give up on me, or just shoot me. Please.

5 comments:

LiLu said...

Oh wow... discouraging much? I'm sorry hon! :-(

Sarah said...

How frustrating! At least you have good stuff coming to town soon :)

Carolina Girl said...

Ummmmm yea!! That comment was totally SMACK worthy! A little bit of "focusing on the positive" goes a LONG way buddy!!! Ass.

Hang in there :( Thursday's coming!!

Soxy Deb said...

I wanted to say "move here". That's it. Just "move here" and then log off. But...
If you move here, you probably wouldn't find a damn job and that wouldn't be good at all. However, you'd be that much closer to myself and Carolina Girl, so who needs a job, right? Right?
No, I know, not right.
I wish I had some words of wisdom to impart here, but I don't.
I do, however, love you. {HUGS}

Jersey Girl said...

I think company's attitudes towards their employees now is "you're lucky you have a job," even if they don't say the actual words. They know, if you need a paycheck, the odds are you're not going to go anywhere. So, they're going to take advantage of the situation and begin to take their employees for granted. That supervisor has no idea how to motivate people. What an ass!

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Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.