Washingtons

I don't have any more news about Mom. She's resting. She may be moved tomorrow, which squashes my idea of driving up there and visiting. Maybe Sunday.

No word from Casino Man, no invite to get together this weekend. No email since Tuesday when I expressed my stress about my Mom's health. Hmm, maybe he can't handle the emotions? Better I know that now, because being one hell of an emotional chick isn't going to change. Maybe he doesn't care that my mom is in the hospital? In which case, don't even bother, right?

I am struggling today.

A co-worker made my team a homemade icebox chocolate wafer cake to thank us for a particularly lousy bit of work we have to do for him.

My piece tasted like heaven. I didn't even hesitate to slice it and eat it. So I'm not going to dwell on regretting it either.

And now that I've avoided all the trick or treaters (there is no candy in this house!), I am going to the gym to watch Lipstick Jungle.

And if I see one more KFC TV commercial, I will scream.

I took a photo of my reward jar, I am hoping it will inspire me, remind me, and keep me honest.

$1 for every trip to the gym.
$1 for every pound lost.

So far, there is $5.00 toward my fabulous February 15, 2009 flowers.



It is all about the Washingtons!

Staying the Course

morning weight: 275 lbs

Yeehaw, down 2 lbs since Monday. Rock and roll.

I rocked the gym last night. Machine, which I don't believe 100% says I burned 560 calories. I hit the zone again about minute 35. I am going to start to look forward to that endorphin high.

Reminder: DRINK WATER! When you think you've drunk enough, drink some more.

Today's inspiration, she tells it like it is: Prior Fat Girl

Mom Update: So her ailments have nothing to do with her gallbladder, so now it seems moot that they couldn't find her small intestine. She's having surgery on her liver today. They will remove the cyst/alien if they can. They will address her weakened vein and blood clot in her aorta once she recovers from this. She's in good spirits and my brother has been fully briefed by the team of doctors. Thank you to everyone for their well wishes. It means so much to me.

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is power; arm yourself defensively.

I've just order two books (thank you Beth!) by Michael Pollan, and I may just give copies as gifts if they're as informative as I think they're going to be.

Interested in what you're eating or how we've come to evolve into what we're eating? These will peak your interest. Check them out.

In Defense of Food

The Omnivore's Dilemma

I have not lost even half a pound since Monday morning, but that's OK. I haven't gained! Tonight I will do more cardio. Writing it down here will MAKE me get to the gym.

Inspired by my fellow challengers, I made some challenge-reward bling (scroll to the bottom of that page to check them out). It isn't too late to join us if you want!

I wish everyone well.

Give out positive energy; believe it will come back to you.

State of Mom Update

I've turned off the phone. I've meditated. I've got cami tea. Tons of candles lit. Soothing music on.

So, I'm allowed to write. So, I will.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd CUT! That's a wrap people!

Excuse me, but am I in a fucking episode of the X Files? And if I am, could Mulder *please* come and save me from the ridiculousness of it all?

Oh, I failed to tell you what's happened. OK here we go.

My mother has been in the same hospital for eight days. Name a test, she's had it. The Test Du Jour was supposed to help determine something important about her gallbladder. However, after three hours of attempting this test, they could not do it. Why? And I quote:

"They couldn't find her small intestine."

Excuse me? They have a map of my mother's body, head to toe. Cat scan-o-rama. And they cannot locate her small intestine.

And these are the TOP people! So why does it sound like an episode of Grey's Anatomy?

Toward the end of the day, there were two new discoveries made on the apparently ever-changing map reading of my mom's body.

(1) Mom has a small clot on her aorta. (2) She also has a cyst/lesion/alien on her liver that is bleeding and/or causing her liver to bleed. Why no one is concerned about things like septic or other things uttered on ER is beyond me.

In case it wasn't obvious, I'm using humor to deflect my fear and anger. I am channeling Chandler. (If anyone gets that reference, I love you.) It is a good thing I am not there. I would have hurt someone today I think. What the incredible doctors will decide to do remains to be written in the script.

Anyone want to direct this Emmy-award winning episode? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Starting Over...Again

Congrats to everyone making such awesome progress!!

Well, I've clearly gone backwards. Look: one year ago. And to think I got as low as 253.

At least I can say I put my first $1.00 into my challenge jar. I went back to the gym. Tonight, at minute 36 out of 60 on the treadmill, I felt it. The old adrenaline rush I love so much. My heart rate was at 150 and I sustained it for 20 minutes. That's my high intensity cardio level for my age/weight. My mile was slow, 30 minutes, and my speed was only 3.0 (with a 3.0 incline), but I had no leg muscle pain (thank you stretches) and I was THERE.

I've been looking back at the year's blog to understand the trend of my loss and gain rollercoaster. I think one part of the problem is as a writer, I'd rather write about my struggle then actually do something about it. SO....writing will now become yet another reward, to be done after exercising or meditation.

OMG, the weather man just said....SNOW! YES! BRING IT ON!

Check-in: ST/VD Challenge

morning weight: 277 lbs

Monday means Spring Training / Valentine's Day Challenge check-in for me. Feel free to self-disclose, either in comments or on your own blog, about how you're doing, what you've changed, or what you are going to set out to do this week. Try not to look beyond 7 days.

Here's mine. Last week:

Pounds lost: none
Days at the gym: one

Yup. Gotta step it up. So, to encourage myself, in addition to putting $1 per pound into my challenge jar, I'm adding in $1 for every trip to the gym. Sad that is my motivation, but it is.

What are you doing for motivation?

This week, I hope to:

Resist carbohydrates.
Get to the gym at least three times.

A little extra motivation for me...Casino Man emailed me: "I hope you had fun last night. I did!" to be exact. Hmm. Wow. Let's see what happens. Trying not to overthink it, trying to be positive.

Fat Girl on a Date

Well, what do you know. Last night Chemistry_NOT.com coughed up what may indeed be the last known perfect gentleman. He held the doors, he let me sit first, he insisted on paying, and he kissed me goodnight - without trying for more.

It was very easy to talk to him, two hours went by without a blink. We did the first date no-no: we talked about exes and past relationships. It felt fine to talk about. It was clear they were both so behind both of us.

He's in television. Behind the camera, not in front. More like involved with satellites and feeds. He has "When I worked at MTV" stories. Umhm. He has "When I was on tour with the Foo Fighters for 3 days" stories. He has "celebrity golf tournament" stories. God knows what he has seen or done. None of this came off as in your face, bragging, or hey look at me stuff. It was said very nonchalantly and told mostly because I asked. I am a curious sort of person you know.

Yes, he's rather cute. He knows how to wear a goatee and a leather jacket. I think we should call him Casino Man for now because he does enjoy himself a round or two of blackjack and his last vacation was to Vegas.

I think my concern right now might be if he feels too comfortable to me, like a worn slipper. Isn't that something you feel after 5 years together? If there isn't that spark igniting the moment I look into his eyes, am I fooling myself?

As for the backup movie that I didn't need last night, I still went today because I need some romance in my life! And I have wanted to go to the Outer Banks ever since I read the Prince of Tides. I haven't gotten there yet.

I knew Nights in Rodanthe would have some lovely beach scenes, and I was right. But, as anyone who has read even one Nicholas Sparks book knows, his themes are always about life and death and the love we find in-between.

A Bend in the Road
A Walk to Remember
Message in a Bottle
Nights in Rodanthe
The Notebook

So I don't think I give anything away to say that someone loves and someone dies and not always in that order. Richard and Diane have been better in other movies, and it is obvious details of the book were pared down to fit into a movie, but for me it was all worth it to see horses running on the beach for a mere minute of film time.

And some of you are asking about my Mom. She's been in the hospital for a week. The specialist is convinced it is her gallbladder, but the surgeon isn't. So back and forth they go trying to figure it out. Apparently, some type of radioactive dye test would reveal forth a definitive answer. I haven't heard. With my former Marine, cool-headed, former ICU nurse for a brother in charge, all answers are given on a need-to-know basis.

Which leaves me free to lose myself in True Blood and Mad Men. Thank god for mindless entertainment.

I've Been Tagged

Ack, I've been tagged by Butterfly girl! Yikes, list 6 interesting (or odd/quirky) things about myself? This could take some effort. Since she's such a great encouragement, losing pounds left and right, I will do this for her!

(OK, over a two-day time span, here's what I lamely came up with.)

1. I am drawn to water, it soothes me because I am a fire sign.

2. I'm afraid to BEGIN plucking my eyebrows. I'm almost 40.

3. OK this is food related, but I'm running out of quirky things. I know I will probably never eat them again in my lifetime, but I only like chemically created puffy Cheetos when they're stale. Gross, I know.

4. Errr, more food related. At age 26, I became allergic to basil and oregano "overnight." Sucks doubly so because I'm somewhat Italian and boy did I love me some pesto sauce. It will be hard to tour Italy unless I learn to say "allergic."

5. I still believe I will publish my writing some day, even if it is just self-published.

6. I could easily see myself living in another country again.

So am I supposed to tag someone? I don't know how that silly stuff works. How about I just say that if you read this, you should seriously consider listing 6 things about yourself on your blog or in a comment below. There, that covers it right? I don't think 6 people read this thing.

Fat Girl at a Party

morning weight: 277 lbs

I went to a local radio station's halloween party last night. I didn't really think it through though. Probably good thing that I didn't, I wouldn't have gone at all.

I wore my Red Sox gear; and young, rude, drunk Yankee fans said some really nasty stuff. Not just the average "boooos" or "red sox suck" that I am used to, but specific comments about my body and the fact that I was wearing a Varitek shirt (he hasn't had the greatest year offensively). I held my own, drank my vodka and cranberry, and waited for the live band. But the skanks that started showing up just magnified the bad feelings I tried to suppress. Every thin woman was wearing a slutty maid or nurse outfit. One woman came in with her three friends and they were all from the wizard of oz. I thought that was clever, but then the guys behind me started shouting at her, "that's the ugliest Dorothy I've ever seen, she's too fat."

And this is why I don't bother going out alone. What was the point? One guy, rather drunk, said he liked my shirt because he was from Massachusetts. Beyond that, no one made an effort to talk to me. And yes, I made an effort, laughing with and talking to some of the cross-dressing guys who looked hilarious in their snow white and nurse costumes.

Tonight, I have a date with a guy from Chemistry_NOT.com. We'll see. He has a good online sense of humor but beyond that I can't tell if I'm at all attracted. And of course, I'm fatter than ever so....probably not what he's expecting. I'll report in tomorrow. My backup plan is the Richard Gere/Diane Lane movie.

A Side of Oxygen Please

For those of you daring friends who are joining me in my challenge, I've updated the challenge with some suggestions. Remember it is a challenge, not a contest. We're all going to win, based on what we put into it. Someone suggested tying our success to one another somehow, but I can't wrap my mind around how to do it. I don't compete well, but I am a supportive soul.

Anyway....Another long day of training. And they carted in pizza for lunch! Held captive in a room with 20 other people and forced to eat pizza for lunch. Oh the humanity. I checked, no refrigerator so I couldn't have brought my own lunch anyway.

B - Whey protein shake
L - 2 pieces of cheese pizza
D - two lean organic buffalo patties, steamed peppers, onions

Now I'm sitting here still hungry, waiting for the protein to hit the stomach and tell me it is satisfied.

I will have a cup of YOGI DETOX tea once I've done the training homework (ugh! not going to make it to the gym again tonight) and I can watch some fluff TV like Lipstick Jungle (which I recognize I could do at the gym but I can barely keep my eyes open and they say not to exercise when you're already tired).

Speaking of steamy men, I have some disheartening, though I must admit not entirely surprising, news. It appears that I won't be meeting Seattle after all. Oh he's real alright, just a real, insensitive guy who doesn't seem to know how to be a friend unless there's something in it for him. I sort of sensed this from the beginning but put it aside as I was simply considering him as eye candy. We met through our combined interest in baseball so it is ironically poetic that it should be baseball at the heart of the argument that led me to see him in an unfavorable light. He just couldn't be a friend and say a kind word to me about the Sox. He had to go and say some rather unpleasant things, much in the way a Yankee fan would, like rubbing it in. When I pointed out that a friend would either offer a "sorry bout that, bummer" comment or not say anything at all about it, he told me that I was overreacting, as Sox fans always do. Ahem. It just down-spiraled from there. I thought it would blow over but it didn't, it lingered. When I asked for at least some understanding, I was told I was being a baby. Selfish of him I thought, but it made me stop and evaluate that he'd actually been rather selfish in the five months I've known him. So, anyway. No Seattle birthday bang for me. I will keep searching.

And back to the Chemistry_NOT.com drawing board.

UPDATE: Mom is still in hospital. They've circled back (of course) to the original thought that it is her gallbladder and want to scope her stomach (?) to further determine that possibility. OK whatever. Odd side effect is that she's on oxygen and is acting SO happy that my siblings and I are commenting "Is that OUR mother?" on the phone to one another.

To abuse one of my favorite movie lines, "I'll have what she's having."

The State of Mom

Mom's in the hospital. As explained to me by my sister, she went in for unexplained abdominal pain and a cat scan, heart and blood tests. They found nothing. No clots, no blockages, no gall bladder in distress, etc. They were about to discharge her as they couldn't admit her "just for being in extreme pain," when they noticed her oxygen level was way low. Like 10 points lower than what is considered "bad." Well, that seems to indicate that her CPOD / emphysema situation is getting worse. So they admitted her, and all I can say is good thing the Sox aren't playing. She would be pissed.

Honestly, I have a hard time keeping up with what's wrong as so many doctors over a 20 year span have diagnosed her and then conflicted with one another.

In addition to the CPOD, she has both types of arthritis, as well as Sjögren's Syndrome, a damaged sciatic nerve, type II diabetes, hiatal hernia, cataracts, and I'm sure I'm forgetting some other conditions. I also think it can only be expected that she suffers emotionally in a depressed state. For 20 years, I've been told she may not live much longer. Some of that time, I know she has wanted to die. I can't imagine the pain she deals with. In some ways, she is my heroine. In other ways, she is my forewarning sign: do not go down this path, avoid this future, etc.

I am in "management training" all week. Learning that being a manager is a new profession. I wish someone would tell my company that. They think I can continue to DO the work as well as supervise others doing it. Even the course instructor found that to be somewhat alarming. Lovely. Stress anyone?

I could not make it to the gym for resistance training. Too tired.

Food is being provided at this training. Breakfast a corn muffin (not good). Lunch was salad (unsatisfying). By 6pm I needed protein in the worst way. Made an egg white omelette with chicken, peppers, and onions.

I need to be better prepared tomorrow. Making a whey protein shake for brekkies.

115 Days from Now...

UPDATES ARE BELOW ORIGINAL POST

__________________

morning weight: 276 lbs

...is Valentine's Day 2009.

On Friday, September 26, 2008, before my departure on the business trip from hell, I weighed 265 lbs. Today's weight: 276 lbs.

I gained 11 lbs in less than 30 days. No, thank you, carbohydrates. Now fuck off and die.

Oh miserable me.

Alrighty then! Call to arms!

Off to the right, you may notice that I put up a countdown clock. It surpasses my birthday in December. It surpasses New Year's Eve. It ironically falls on Valentine's Day. (Ew.) But most importantly, it is the date that pitchers and catchers report to spring training. In case you didn't know, the Red Sox didn't make it into the World Series. But, we are not crying about it (not anymore, at least) because the players surely are not. They did their absolute best, and they're going to rest and train and look ahead to next season.



And so am I. Here's my game face. Grrrrrr!

I don't know how much weight I can lose in 115 days. I don't want to put a number on it. As noted so clearly in this last year of blogging, I always fail when I do that.

I would like to be less than 265.
I would like to be less than 255 = 22 lbs.
I would like to be less than 244 = 33 lbs.

I think that's optimistically realistic, don't you? Did I say I didn't want to put a number on it? Um yeah. LOL I'm hopeless but how else can I make a goal?

Anyone want to join me? If you're not a baseball fan, you can call it your Valentine's Day gift to yourself. Just try to lose as much as you can by that date.

I promise if you tell me you're aiming for it, I'll support your efforts. I'll make a nifty little award you can display. Other ideas are welcome!

____________

WORKOUT:
treadmill, 30 mins
incline, 3.0
speed, 2.8
heart rate, min 124 / max 150

____________

UPDATES

Yeehaw! Some of you want to join in the Spring Training / V-Day Challenge! Feel free to post a link to this specific post and /or copy the spiffy image and countdown clock I made. If you need the HTML code for the clock, just click on the widget box and you can make it yourself or under file in your browser, select view source on this page and you might be able to find it if you're html savvy.

Current challengers, show them some love and support:

Carolina Girl: starting new
Deb: 7 lbs
Fab Kate: 3 lbs
Manda31: 5 lbs
Butterfly: 5.8 lbs
Me: starting new

I will check in with you often and leave you support comments and I hope we will all try to do so with each other. It is up to YOU to share your progress, feel free to leave comments on THIS post, as it'll remain dedicated to this challenge.

CHECKING IN (voluntary)
Ideally, every Monday (or when you weigh yourself already, don't change what is working for you) leave a comment here saying HOW MUCH YOU LOST since the previous Monday. For privacy sake, if you do not want to post your TOTAL start weight, don't post it. You can just say "lost 2 lbs this week." That's it. I'll tally the results each week and put them up next to your name above. This is NOT a competition to see who loses the most. This is a supportive "let's lose as much as we can by February 14, 2009" group.

MOTIVATION
Some have asked me for motivational reward. Some have asked me for motivational words. Well, we all respond differently to these things, so I have come up with some really basic suggestions.

As I said, I hope we will all be supportive, visiting another's blog as we already do to begin with and leaving encouraging comments. However, if you specifically want me to "kick your ass" for motivation, you have to ask for it. It isn't my nature, I'm no Jillian Michaels so, just know that. But people do say that I seem to have a way with words sometimes.

END OF CHALLENGE REWARD
We're all in different locations, with different eating and exercising plans, and different lifestyles and circumstances. And we also respond differently to motivational attempts. While I wish I could offer up something like $100 gift card, I simply cannot. Plus, EVERYONE must get something at the end as this is not a contest.

So, with that in mind, here's my suggestion for some self-motivation:

Get a jar or a box.
Call it your Spring Training / Valentine's Day Challenge jar / box.
Determine your own reward based on pounds lost. My example:

$1.00 per pound lost goes into the jar. On February 14, I will use that money to buy myself some flowers (or wait until the 15th when they're all even cheaper). You get the concept?

If you want it to be $5 (or whatever) per pound so be it. Too expensive? Make it 25 cents per pound or 10 cents per pound. Want it to be something other than money? Write a specific reward per pound on a piece of paper and put IT into the jar/box each time. One kiss, one hour of free time, one day to do "XYZ" - pick something that has SIGNIFICANT value to YOU. Withhold something from yourself that you know you will get when you've reached the end of your challenge. Tie it to EACH pound so that it accumulates for continued motivation.

Feel free to share what you're going to do, so we can help you stick to it.

You're all so creative to begin with, if you have additional or alternative suggestions, please do type it out! In the end, you have to do what works for you. No one can force you to eat right, exercise, and lose weight. You get what you put into it my friends. We have to control our own actions. So let's get to it!

BLOGGY BLING
Hey Challengers, I made some BLING for your bragging rights. Help yourself when you reach that point! If you would like some customized bling, let me know. I would be thrilled to make you something as unique and special as you are.

Beware of the Biatch

Tonight is the night. Sox either win this and advance to the World Series or they go home for the season. And I'm sorry, but not much else matters. Not the fact that I've ballooned a gazillon pounds or that I may not ever have sex again in my lifetime.

Here's how I feel today. Yankee fans, you've got nothing to talk about. This has been the Sox decade, not the Yankee decade. Your guys have been playing golf for how many weeks now?



Here's what Red Sox Nation is going to have going for it tonight!



A large dose of awe-inspiring, cancer-beating pitcher. I've seen him twice this year, and twice he was lights out fantastic. If we can just get to the World Series, that will show the strength this team has.

The rest of the world, and all of the $%^&#@ political, financial bullshit, can just go jump off a short pier. I'm not interested right now.

SOX SAY: NEVER GIVE UP

There are 9 innings in baseball.

Innings 1-7: My Red Sox were losing 7-0.
Innings 7-8: My Red Sox tied the game 7-7!
Inning 9: My Red Sox won 8-7.

Had I not seen it with my own eyes, I would not believe it.

Did I eat? Yes. I had the burger and fries. And bought popcorn and peanuts.

But I have to tell you, the first 7 innings spoiled my appetite. I had some popcorn and some peanuts but I really wasn't feeling hunger due to the sadness.

And of course, I had a few tequila shots with Deb. Cheers Soxy!



That's my lucky Springsteen "hearts and swords" shot glass!

Oh Carolina, look at your cat's long lost (and not at all crazy) brother:

Comfort Eating

I've come in search of support, and I'm not sure I can find it. I've been reading around the blogs. Anyone out there today? Thank you Deb, by the way. Here's my situation...

(Warning: There may be food word porn below. I warned you.)

The game tonight starts at 8 pm EST.

I'm nervous. When I'm nervous, I eat. Comfort food anyone?

And before you tell me to exercise, I did. And I want the food more now. Ugh.

Here's what I want:

popcorn
french fries
hamburgers
pasta
tequila
ice cream
chocolate

Here's what I know from the last year that works to curb carb cravings:

protein

Here's what Kimkins and South Beach propose for substituting carbs:

squash (shredded, looks like pasta, tastes like shit?)
zero calorie miracle noodles
almonds
low-carb protein shakes
low-carb yogurt

Compared to what I want, I guess this just doesn't cut the palate. So again, it must come back down to changing what I want.

I must want to lose weight more than I want to comfort my nerves. I'm not sure I can win that battle tonight. What will I do if they make it to the World Series? Is it too late to get my jaw wired shut? Then I wouldn't be able to scream at the lousy tv announcers who are rooting for the other team! Last year was easier because it seemed so obvious we would win. I don't even have a single blog about it, as if it went into a vortex of neverhappenedland.

One game at a time; one meal at a time.

- One Fat Red Sox Fan

Blogging by Firelight

Me no happy camper. Me a suffering Red Sox fan.



I came home from work today and just felt such a roar inside me. So I did what any self-respecting, law abiding citizen would...I lit something on fire, of course.



Then I figured it provided enough light to blog by. Hmmm well, barely. I don't know how they used to do anything by firelight.

But back to the sensation of the fire. Wow did THAT feel good! Burn baby burn.

Why do the Red Sox stir me up so much? I don't know. I can't remember the first time I ever watched a game. I didn't have a father or grandfather teaching me the finer points. I vaguely recall my mother enjoying the Cardinals - not because we lived in Missouri, but because they were her favorite bird.

I just know that they inspire me. They go out and play every game. Yes they're paid a ridiculous amount of money and put their bodies through a ridiculous amount of abuse. Yes, it has become more about money than love of the game. But what I take from it is that every game is a new chance to do your best and win.

There's nothing -- NOTHING -- in my life right now where I can say that. I can't go into work, do my best, and win. I'm always going to lose. Always. I'm always going to be forced to compromise my ideals and standards because that's just the way big business works now (don't get me started on this). Even when it comes to dating and finding someone to love...I've always given it my best shot and I've lost. Lost my college BF, lost my husband, lost my lousy Scots BF, lost my last love who shall not be named. Wow, that's four.

But the Sox make me think, maybe, just maybe we can win. I can win with them. And maybe I can control my food intake, maybe I can increase my heart rate and exercise, and maybe I can reduce my fat cells.

Yes, I realize I sound unhinged. What can I say? I'm a lonely, stressed out Sox fan.

A Godiva Night

"You lollygag around the infield, you lollygag around the outfield, you lollygag around the bases. You know what that makes you? A bunch of LOLLYGAGGERS!"



I am sure you're all wondering on this fine Thursday, just what happens when this blogger has one Otter Creek ale and two tiramisu martinis?

No, not that. I did not become ill.

Unless you think drunk-dialing / drunk texting is an illness, in which case, I became very ill.

At least I did not contact any ex-loves. I only reached out my hormonal self to current flames.

And apparently I was very amusing, judging from the responses I have on my VM and in my text replies. So, cheap entertainment, that I am!

Speaking of entertainment.

I don't think I mentioned that Seattle is a pitcher, for a men's city baseball league. He's also a coach for middle schoolers. Yes. He isn't a catcher, but he's the next best thing, a pitcher. MMMmmmm mmmm mmmm. We share a passion for baseball. We can quote Bull Durham to each other, a hilarious benchmark of silly, sentimental baseball movies. Oh what I wouldn't give to look like Susan Sarandon in that movie.

Anyway, I mention all that to say that I had a vivid dream. This must be a result of having talked with him about going to a World Series game at the end of this month. BIG dream as tickets start at $750 each already and those are for the games that might not even be played. So anyway, my dream:

Seattle. Me. *ahem* On a pitcher's mound. (Could have been Fenway, but I recall no details that it was.) Him: sans clothing, except cleats. (Yes, my mind is bizarre.) Me: in his jersey, which he has mentioned several times he wants to see me wearing. Dirt on my hands, on my knees, in my hair, on my face. And an announcer calling out his name to the mound like they do with a pitching change during a game. Someone please cue the Meatloaf song...don't know the name of it.

That's all I remember. Well, there is another small detail, but I'm keeping it to myself. Let's just say I woke up exhausted.

This relatively "safe at home" hormonal moment was brought to you by Skyy vodka and Godiva liqueur. Feeling hormonal? Get some!

There's Only One October

Once my brother arrived, it was impossible to stay blue. His excitement was contagious. By the time we reached the park, there was electric energy all around us. Word to the wise, SRO tickets are awesome....UNTIL everyone stands up in front of you and you can't see. We had to jockey for a viewline at times but it was worth it just to be there. I have barely slept, but I feel so high.

Here are some images that will stay with me forever.



When Tek took this opportunity and ran this guy down, I was beside myself with glee. That is dirtdog playing and that is my dirtdog player!! I love Tek! He sparked the rest of the team in that one play! That's our captain!



And then Bay and Kotsay hit on. And then one of our blessed little rookies Lowrie hit him home. And then the scoreboard made it all a reality!



Seeing them on the field like this, made me scream like a 12 year old girl at a Duran Duran concert. Except the guys were much closer!!



After the win, and after Dirty Water was played, and after we'd rushed down to the field, my brother and I were still SO freaking excited, we could barely stand still long enough for me to take this photo. We were jumping around like kids and today I can barely walk. Hahaha!

And although the celebration on the field was really rather reserved compared to previous jig-dancing, champagne-spraying moments of the past, we did get to see them with their families (Tek was alone and not often visible in the crowd, at least I didn't see his daughters with the divorce going on, etc, poor guy). We were on the left field side and most of the crowd was gathered around the dugout on the right field side.



I thought this simple sign said it all, for me at least. My brother was hoping for a Papbelbon jig but the best we got in that department was watching him teach one of the little kids to do it for a few seconds.

So, now we face Tampa Bay. Our new nemesis. People out there say they're like we were in 2004, hungry, young, cohesive. Well, I say that may be true, but we have experience and we're going in there to give it our best shot. Rest up boys, there's only one October! (Thank God, because I couldn't handle this more than once a year!)

Shaking Off the Blues

I am feeling so blue, I've got to shake out of it. Just like Beckett and crew has to shake off last night's loss!



Tonight, I am going to one of the greatest places on earth, Fenway Park, and I cannot be blue! This is a privilege many, many Red Sox Nation members do not get to do. I am going to take them all in spirit with me! And I must remind myself that I am lucky/spoiled, because I was there last year for game 2 of the World Series.

So, really what do I have to be blue about??

The weight will still be there whether I'm unhappy or not.
The lack of money will still be there whether I'm unhappy or not.
Being screwed by my company on this business trip will still exist whether I'm unhappy or not.
The country will still be so incredibly messed up whether I'm unhappy or not.

SO?? Be happy!

And for those of you who choke on the syrupy, romantic qualities I'm known to irrationally exude with my Sagittarian nature, this is your warning to stop reading.

OK, I warned you.

Seattle said to me this morning: "Hey....don't be blue babe. When I said we're going to get together, I meant it. I always mean what I say."

Awww. Ain't he sweet? A little unrealistic maybe, but soooo sweet. He made me smile.

For some reason, it made me think of Daniel Day-Lewis in The Last of the Mohicans.



Do you remember? When he says, "You be strong, you survive...You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you." And they play that lovely music with the violins I think, and bagpipes maybe. The song is called The Last Kiss.

(OK, so yes, I've been reading way too much Scottish Highlander / Druid / Rugged mountain man type fiction! Guilty!)

Lazy Hotel Sunday

The bad news:

I have gained a gazillion pounds on this business trip. So much so that I had to buy a new pair of jeans. OMG, yes, the horror.

I really don't miss Jersey. I just don't feel comfortable here at the local office. Could never work there permanently. So let's not even think it.

I'm not even sure I miss having a dog around. Don't get me wrong. Chad is lovable. Definitely. But the independence has been rather liberating. The longest I've been without a dog in 12 years. No need to rush right back from work, no need to worry that I didn't let him out before going out, no need to wonder if he got enough exercise, food, attention, etc.

I might feel differently without Duncan here. He gives off that unconditional love so that I don't feel too lonely.

And by the way, love life: non-existent (not that it could be anything else while on a business trip)

The good news:

My brother and I are going to Monday night's Red Sox game - IF there is one. In other words, IF they don't win Sunday night's game (which would mean a sweep of the Angels). I would never ever wish for my beloved boys to lose, especially not at home. So I will be shoutin' loud and proud from my hotel room tonight, hoping Beckett pulls off a win - oblique strain and all. However, if by some chance the Angels pull off a win tonight, then tomorrow night my brother and I are SRO in left field! Jason Bay territory!

Other news:

Saw Bill Maher's Religulous. Very interesting.

Serenity Now

So we go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Was told to come up here to get a project back on track to meet a deadline. Then once here, was told that there isn't enough coming through the production process to have enough work to do. And sure enough, today, those of us who put aside our lives to come here ran out of work to do. And the solution is right in the hands of those around us - print more documents - but they claim they can't, they don't have the capacity and we must wait on MY team back in the other location to ship the stuff to us. In addition to this ridiculousness, I've had to lower my standards because I'm being told to overlook obvious technical errors in light of getting the project out the door. And last but not least, my team back at the other location is in primetime drama mode with inter-personal / work issues DESPITE the rush work.

I want a work life that is not chaotic. I guess that is too much to ask when some people do not even have jobs.


Serenity now, George!

So here I am, rambling away. I could use a nap. I'm on my 5th type of medicine. One large bottle of Robitussin DM - didn't work. One entire package of Sudafed Complete 24 Hr - didn't work. One entire package of Alka Seltzer Mucus and Congestion - didn't work. However, now for the most part I am better, thanks to a fabulous Alka Seltzer Sinus and Muscinex cocktail. Cheers! Side effect: nose so dry it bleeds. Ah well.

I keep closing my eyes and falling asleep while awake. LOL Hmmm. Good thing the hotel isn't far from the plant.

Love that my boys took the first game from the Angels. Especially with Jon Lester on the mound!



My Chemistry_Not.com profile has been quieter than top secret CIA files. Go figure. Every time I see one of their TV commercials I laugh. What a joke.

So let me ask you all, what do you do when a man you know is depressed? I'm not sure I've ever really had to deal with a depressed man. I guess you just stand back and let him work it out? Not exactly like I can push some meds down his throat or shine some sunshine up his ass.

Seattle is depressed. But he's acting like a bit of a spoiled brat. Is that a Libra trait? His laptop is busted and he can't afford to fix it. He said his 30th birthday was lousy and he doesn't want to talk about it. Looks like our October rendezvous is postponed (my unexpected business trip, his financial woes) to December. My birthday. Well, I can think of less enjoyable ways to celebrate turning 39. We'll see. I guess it is nice to think about if nothing else. But I wanted more than something nice to think about, if you know what I mean.

I want, I want, I want. Yeesh, I bettah shudduppppp!