Day 10 Plus

Well, Days 9 and 10 of the Master of My Domain challenge were absolutely brutal for me. And there wasn't even technically supposed to be a Day 10. Erf.

An acquaintance of mine planted a seed in my head on Day 9, oh-so-innocently: "I bet The Photographer's married..."

No. Absolutely not.

I have no reason to think he's lying to me.

*pause*
*pause*
*pause*

Well, he is vague about his schedule...

No. Absolutely not.

GodIeffinhopenotbecauseIwillkickhiseverlovingassalloverthestateofNewJersey.

*breathe*
*breathe*
*breathe*

Long long long conversation with The Photographer today.

Hi, I missed you and I can't wait to see you etc etc etc were his thoughts.

Yeah yadda yadda yadda, when, when, when were my thoughts.

Oh......shit.

You don't just TAKE photos? You have to EDIT them?

Hmph. Hire an bloody assistant!

No of course not. That's like asking someone to rewrite my poems for me.

So the short of it is....

WAIT ANOTHER 2 DAYS.

I'm a cranky, angry, nearly violent Sagittarian woman. I almost took the salon receptionist's head off when she told me there were no timeslots available for waxing until Saturday.

Do not make me wait! Any longer! For anything!

I warned him. Which probably makes me less appealing I realize. But I don't care!

The Photographer has until Saturday midnight or I take matters into my own hands, literally. And he can do the same for all I care!

Just a little addendum....

Some women (more than 3) have said to me: "Oh just take care of it...he'll never know if you did or not."

*blank stare*

Excuse me?

I get it. I do.

But....this was an exercise in trust. Self-control yes, but also trust.

What's wrong with starting a relationship off with trust? Seems an important element to me.

Day 9: Victorious

Day 9....I am still alive.

The best news is so is The Photographer.

We're on the honor system here, but neither of us have given in to our urges and we remain Masters of our Domains.

It will still be some days until we meet. *sigh*

To celebrate....

(no, not really)

It just so happens that....

I have some free samples of one of the supplements I'm taking as I mentioned in the post February Plan. The samples are tiny vials of liquid hoodia. Please read that post first to make sure you want it.

First person who wants them and leaves me an email address in their comment below, gets them. I'll contact you for a shipping address.

Weight & Food

Time to write a bit about weight...and food....

When this story came out last week, I was so appalled, I couldn't even share a thought about it with anyone. Yes, indeed, everyone needs to have goals in life, but to become the fattest woman in the world?

Really?

Her name is Donna.
She lives in New Jersey.
And she's not me.
Thank God.

Aiming to be the world's fattest woman

The super-sized mother determined to become the world's fattest woman

Of course, guess what one thing I picked up on while reading those articles?

Yup, she's got someone in her life who loves her. He loves her so much, he's helping her kill herself.

Damn, I wish I had someone like that in my life!

No, of course I don't! But wow....she has someone who accepts her the way she is. That's both beautiful and messed up.

~

So now that food no longer holds power over me because of the supplements I'm taking, I wanted to document a bit about what I have been choosing to eat. Because of course, it still matters, even if I'm no longer pre-occupied by it.

My main proteins are egg whites, eggs, organic buffalo, chicken, edamame, and whey.

My main veggies are peppers and onions, which have a lot of carbs in them. As soon as the warmer weather comes, I'll start doing salads again.

I would be lost without my shirataki noodles. ALL they are is FIBER! That's it! I mix them with either EVOO, Parmesan cheese, and garlic or with a Thai peanut sauce. I found that having a box of Dreamfield pasta in the house was too much temptation still (as in the whole box is quickly gone).

My favorite snacky items are blueberries, walnuts, nonfat greek yogurt, and ghiradelli 82% dark chocolate (one square/day).

I have mini luna bars in the car for emergencies (peanut butter), and I enjoy one cup of tea in the morning with a vitatop cranbran muffin top.

This weekend, I've just added this 40 cal/4 carb super green food supplement to my menu, mixed with light V8 juice.

As for alcohol intake, it is limited to two Thursdays a month, when out with coworkers. And I suppose the occasional baseball-game-gathering in the future.

Conclusion: I'm eating really well. Better than I've ever eaten in my life.

The benefits can come rolling in anytime now.

Hair Photos

Below are photos from Saturday, when I went for my free follow-up hair trim to get the dead ends removed one week after the keratin treatment. It is much more of a texture difference than a visual difference, in my opinion.

(Yes, that's static....odd.)

I just hope my hair can go back to normal now. I'm not going to blow dry it every day anymore, and see if that helps too. One day blow it straight, then the next day, wear it wavy.

~

I also saw the movie "Remember Me." Erf. I thought I was just going to make love to a much younger man on a screen and slip into his smoldering eyes without having to think. But pretty soon into it I realized this movie was going to carry weight beyond that "teen angst" they'd shown in previews. I don't want to give anything away, but if you want to know leave me a message and I'll tell you.

~

One good thing about losing my mind with this whole 9-day abstinence challenge? I've exercised a lot more than I would have, just to try to offset the physical side of things and tire the mind out as well. I could see applying this kind of restraint in the future for a good purpose. No wonder boxers are told not to have sex when they're training for a fight. Yo, Adrian!

Today is the end of day 7. Mr Photographer flies the redeye home from Cali tomorrow night. The end of March shall set me free. Whether or not it also sets me in his arms remains to be seen.

Day 5: Way Too Long to Go

I can't count anymore...something like 144 hours left....I don't know. My mind is mush.

When I close my eyes, I see naked men dancing. In a congo line.

How am I going to survive the weekend?


Exercise.
Exercise.
Exercise.
Clean the house.
Watch movies.

Hmmm, no wonder so many married women's homes are so clean....

Keratin Hair Therapy

Well, I'm here to report that I did not have the horrible experience that some people on the webby are reporting with their keratin hair treatment. But I'm also not going to report that it is a miracle hair saver.

Is my hair softer, lighter, thinner, straighter, and easier to manage? Yes, for the most part. did it hold the hair dye better? Yes, definitely.

What it didn't do is transform my dead hair into alive hair. I still need to have several inches cut off from the bottom. There's just no way around it.

And the sooner I get this done, the sooner it can grow back. But I'm still feeling whiny about it. I like my long hair. But what's the point if you can't effectively style 3-4 inches of it?

Last commentary about getting keratin hair therapy done...

Go to a salon that knows what it is doing. Some people may only have to leave it on for 1 day; some have to leave it on for 3 days. It depends how damaged your hair is, the texture etc.

Know going in that you will not be able to wash or put your hair up into a binder in any way for 1-3 days. I didn't know this and it was a pain in the ass to deal with.

Would I do it again? Well, this is supposed to last 6 months. If it lasts even 3 months, I would say it is worth it at $200. But I'm not sure I would do it again.

48 Hours In (168 Hours Left)

I'm not sure how good it is for me to focus on time gone by / time left. I think it causes me to miss the time in-between.

The treadmill gave me a good high last night, the lovely release of endorphins and serotonin doing their jobs. Honestly, I was almost too tired to think about self-gratifying myself.

That is of course until I looked at the photo The Photographer sent of himself the previous day to tease me. We're not talking stereotypically dropdead hot here, but there's something about him that makes me swoony and want to hug him.

I'm glad that Sawyer wasn't on last night's episode of LOST. I would have had a hard time.

24 Hours In (192 Hours Left)

Anyone remember this cute little movie, 40 Days and 40 Nights?

Well, my Nine Day contest definitely isn't for Lent, but it sure is for a greater sense of self empowerment.

At least that is what I'm telling myself after the first 24 hours of abstinence.

I am a self-confessed 2x/day-er. Morning and night.

What?
Why not?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing.
Exactly.

But last night as I put my friend The Blue Dolphin (whom you may refer to as BOB in your life) away somewhere so I wouldn't be reminded of him in the days to come, I thought this little experimental contest with The Photographer is exactly in line with my goals....to achieve control over things that I choose to control. Eating, exercising, self-gratification, it is all one in the same!

TA-EFFIN-DA!

Even though The Photographer got cutesy on me, sending over a shirtless photo of himself to "push me over the edge," while razzing me that I couldn't last 24 hours, I held out!

It's in the bag. I got this.

Master of My Domain: Game On

WARNING: OK send the ankle-biters and jailbait out of the room. I'm going to talk about sexual things.

A funny thing happened yesterday that I was going to keep to myself. But then I realized after a bit that it was going to somewhat consume me for the rest of March, and there's no way I could not record my thoughts here.

The Photographer and I jokingly (at first) challenged each other to a "Master of My Domain" contest.

Umhm. Do I need to elaborate? Oh you know how good I am at elaborating, but I'll let Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer help me explain (until they disable the video feed).

Yes. Can you say, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

Anyone who knows me will know I've given up a lot of things in recent years. I eat better, drink less, workout more, and think positively more than I have ever consciously done in my life. So, really, the idea of "giving up" something else makes me feel a bit like "Holy crap, what else is there to take away?" (Don't answer that, you can't take my baseball, my movies, or my TV from me! I will fight you off! Back!)

But I was touched by The Photographer's approach to our being apart and his willingness to turn the long distance into something we can share together. Instead of focusing on being unable to meet, we're focusing on how great it'll be to achieve something together. In many many ways, it is MUCH too early in knowing each other to share something this intimate, yet it feels OK with me. I'll blame that on spring.

But even if this is going to be nothing more than a spring fling, I can't see it doing me any harm (besides driving my hormones insane) to challenge myself to feel good. And if the reward at the end of the rainbow is the Object of My Lust, sign me up.

So, for you voyeurs who will watch the torture unfold, here are the details:

Length of Time: Nine Days (Started March 22; ends March 31 midnight). This is the length of The Photographer's California trip (plus two days for potential jet lag).

Details: No self-gratification or sex of any kind.

Yes, I will entertain questions! Ask away!

And read the next post for the First 24 Hours.

Spring Things

There are many things I have to do....bills to pay, some work to catch up on, laundry, yard work, not to mention a week's worth of tv shows DVR'd. And October plane tickets to buy. Who has time for all this?

And to think I wanted to go see Alice in Wonderland, Remember Me, and The Bounty Hunter. What am I thinking?

Priorities, my friends, priorities.

Which is why of course, I'm blogging instead, about lust no less. *rolling eyes here*

Hey, "I'm a Sagittarian" explains everything.

The Spring Thing has hit full force. 40 degrees one day; 75 degrees the next. Too much too soon, I can barely breathe. I mourn the loss of the chill in the air that reminds me I'm alive.

However, spring has stirred my hormones like a pitcher of sangria, and I've been in lustful communication with both Mr Real Potential and The Photographer on a daily basis. Sadly, lustful communication does not translate into a 2nd face-to-face date with either.

Mr Real Potential is due back in Jersey this week, yet for some reason that's not happening. Perhaps next week, he says. We talk about Sox and socks and dogs and how it is still 46 degrees in Minnesota and what we'll do when we see each other again (I like the dinner option, and he's favoring the ripping the clothes off option which I secretly favor as well).

The Photographer and I were supposed to get together today, but it's not happening. And I'm annoyed but realize that I cannot be a petulant child about this. We're adults with lives. Right? Right. I'm trying to figure out how his life works. It is rather complicated it seems, and it may be too complicated and busy for me to fit into it. But if a guy wants a woman in his life, he'll make it happen.

So we talk a lot, but I find myself thinking if he'd just come see me instead of talking about it....I don't know. He's got an unexpected shoot (how do those happen I wonder) today, and he's got an earlier than thought flight to California Monday night. So it is what it is. He got me with the line, "When I see you again I don't just want to spend an hour and leave you," so he gets a pass for being romantic. He'll be gone for 7 days, working on a golf and bikini tournament. I kid you not. So there's balls and breasts and asses and god knows what else for him to deal with on a daily working basis. Perhaps I'll be some sanity in his day to text message? I don't know how it'll be. But I guess we'll see. If he's with a bevvy of bikini models and it is me he's messaging....I would think that's a good sign.

I have to say, I have hotter feelings for The Photographer but only because Mr Real Potential pulled back first. So, in conclusion, I'm taking it for what it is right now. In this moment, it is very nice to have these two men to flirt with on a regular basis. They have met me face-to-face and they still like me, and if I get 2nd dates out of them, I will be happy. I'll just keep my hormones in check with the treadmill.

In other news, I bought my very first skirt to wear for a man. Those of you who wear skirts for work, or just because you like them, can judge me all you want for being influenced by male preference, but until I heard a man say to me, "I'd love to see you in a skirt," I never saw a valid reason to try to buy one again (outside of the desperate must-wear-for-an-event situation).

Seven skirts failed. But one....the one I thought would be the worst actually....skirt liked me and I liked it. So I bought it, even though it is 2 sizes too big already. Yup. Paying $25 to have it tailored. That's when you know it is love. I like how I feel in it, and I like the idea of wearing it.


In addition, I bought 2 casual dresses. I know. Bizarre. One green, one pink. And tights. This spring definitely feels different than other springs.

And lastly, I had a procedure done on my hair. Yes, a procedure...may as well have been surgery. Come to find out there's some controversy out there about it too. Great. Some people have had hair loss. Great. Three hours of wearing some nasty smelling stuff (keratin complex, anyone?) on my head and THEN having it dried in and "sealed." I have to not wash my hair for 3 days (WHAT!?) and then I have been guaranteed to have 6 months of supple soft hair again. I don't know if I can wait 3 days. I really don't.

Why did I do this? Well, you see, I killed my hair somehow. In one year's time I went from soft silky hair to hair I couldn't even get my fingers through. All the natural keratin and cuticle are gone, and I'm more than a little afraid that I'm inheriting my mother's Sjogren's syndrome, but let's just err on the side of rationality that I've simply burned my hair too much right now.

So that's that in spring news. What have you got going on?

Unexpected Lustful Chemstry

Can unexpected lustful chemistry grow into something more? I don't know, but I want to enjoy the ride.

What I knew about Thursday night's date was he was a photographer, lived about 25 minutes away, and really really really wanted to meet me.

He wanted to meet me so much that I thought two things 1. he's one of those online jokers who just say they want to meet because that's the thrill for them and never actually meet anyone or 2. he was desperate (and I mean desperate) for a plus-size model or a roll in the sheets.

So, tired as I was, off I went with the most laid back "he's not even going to show up" mindset. I just had that vibe that whatever was going to happen tonight, it wasn't going to be a big deal. I still dressed as nicely as I could, black boatneck shirt, pink scarf, black half-trench coat, jeans, boots.

Part of the success of having a good first meet with someone via online, is that you can start the friendly, playful joking exchange before you meet and it helps break the ice.

For example, we had been trading two jokes back and forth during the day via messages.

One joke was that if it wasn't raining, he'd show up on his motorcycle and I'd be wearing a skirt, and that would be that, it'd be a match made in heaven (because I like motorcycles and he likes skirts, get it?).

(Side note: The sad reality is that I don't own a skirt. Not a single one. I might have to rectify that, but I really really hate them.)

The other joke was that if it was raining (and it definitely was) that I would be the one without the umbrella and he would be the stranger on the street who "rescues me" from the rain because we all know that's just how it's done in the movies.

Well, that's exactly what happened. He was standing on the street corner as I came walking up from the parking lot, umbrella-less, scarf flying as I tried in whacky Bridget-Jones style to secure it around my head without simultaneously dropping my crackberry into a puddle. The Photographer had a huge umbrella, a brown leather bomber jacket on, and a really warm look on his face as we met. We hugged hello like we'd been friends for ages, one of those body-to-body hugs that make you feel warm and secure. I don't know why it happened, maybe it was the weather, but I'd like to think it had something to do with us.

Even one-armed as he held onto the umbrella in the wind, his embrace was strong and confident. I wanted to crawl right into his bomber jacket because I was freezing, yes me....the normally cold-loving one was freezing. A very good indication that I was getting sick.

The other indication? When I went to speak, I suddenly sounded like the lovechild of Kathleen Turner and Demi Moore. Wow, I was rocking the sexy voice that night.

We headed to our destination of my choice, a bar that I knew had some cozy booths. We walk in and......the booths are gone. I must have looked crushed, because he leaned in against my ear and said "Don't worry, we'll find a place to sit down..." but there weren't even any tables. Seems the establishment clears things out on busy nights to pack more people in. Live music was expected in 2 hours etc etc etc.

He rolled right with the punch while I frantically searched my mind for a nice place. His philosophy "There's a million other options if the first one doesn't work out." I came up with nothing and we wandered outside huddled together walking up the street. The wind blew his umbrella inside out, and I was clinging to his arm and burying my face against his coat. We ran into the first open door we could find...which turned out to be a LOUD crowded unromantic well-lit restaurant blasting 80s music. But...it had booths. OK, we'd make do.

He helped me with my coat and then put them on one side of the booth, looked at me and said, "Can I sit here?" meaning on my side of the booth. I am not sure if I was grinning on the outside but on the inside I felt like the Cheshire Cat. So he sat down, our legs touched immediately, and I turned a bit so I could make eye contact with him, which is a big thing with me. And I saw that he was nervous. That made me melt.

Conversation flowed in buckets like the rain outside.

Curious cat that I am, I asked him every question I could about photography. How, when, why, who, and where. I got a boatload of answers that left me more than a little awestruck. He's been everywhere and he knows...well...just about everyone in the music and celebrity industries. Yes, including some of my favorites. Yes, Bruce. He phrased it as "Of course, who doesn't know him? When you grow up on the Jersey shore...you know Bruce." He's not paparazzi. He's magazine photo shoot type. Yes, he's shot Bruce's motorcycles. He explained a little bit more about how he knew him. And he told me some things that I'm still digesting.

And he asked me a lot of questions too. The usual, but I was happy to see he was paying attention. Why Jersey? Do I like what I do for work? Do I have kids? Do I like to travel?

We discovered we both like movies, and when we find one we really like, we watch it repeatedly. He thinks Brad can't act; I didn't argue. He's not a Yankee fan; he doesn't really like sports at all. As we sat there talking in the other's ear over the din of 80s music, we realized we grew up at the same time. Def Leppard had us both tapping our feet against each other.

As the waitress came back a 3rd time to see if we finally decided to order something, he told me to get whatever I wanted; he doesn't drink alcohol. So I went with something non-alcoholic as well, and when the waitress left us, I said, "How long..." figuring he was recovering.

With the lifestyle he'd just described, I'd figured it made perfect sense. But he's never touched it, not even once as a teenager, not even in a ceremonial toast at a wedding. It just doesn't interest him. That's an idea I'm still trying to process, but I think I like it. We agreed that life could be fun enough without it, and that's when we learned that neither of us will watch horror movies - who needs to pay to be afraid?

After a really cozy hour or so in the booth under the harshest of lighting, we both felt restless and more than a little lustful for the unexpected chemistry we were feeling for one another. There was a DJ who would be starting soon, and we both couldn't imagine staying there if it got any louder than it already was. We agreed what was the point of a DJ if there was nowhere to dance?

So out we went, back to our cars. There was no discussion, just silent walking but really close to each other. His hand around my back pulling me against him, my hand also behind my back, curled inside his, holding on as if I might fall into a puddle and never be seen again. There was a very comfortable feeling knowing he wasn't buzzed and therefore thinking I looked beautiful through beer goggles. Refreshing. If there was going to be a kiss, it would be a kiss of sobriety. Plus-sized sobriety.

At my car, I turned to unlock the door and he came with me to hold the door open against the crazy wind. Then he leaned in and set his head on my shoulder and pressed his lips against my ear ever so softly. I closed my eyes and just let the moment linger. When I turned back around, his arms slipped around me and pulled me in close for a kiss.

He then said several hot lustful things to me that made my toes curl and knees buckle. I vaguely recall the start of the 2nd kiss, but I know my hands went into his hair.

We were interrupted by a car wanting to get into the empty spot we were hoarding with my open car door and our shameless embrace.

We slipped around to the back of the car to give the other driver room to pull in, and he said to me, "I want to kiss you even more..." and I croaked out like an off-pitched froggy, "Me too, but I really don't want you to get sick..." He laughed, agreed, gave me a quick kiss, and we hugged for many minutes. I probably already exchanged whatever germ I had, I thought, and contemplated just going for it.

But he whispered that I would just have to get better soon then so he could kiss me again. And we were both incredibly reluctant to leave each other.

I am suppressing any silly insecure thoughts about being with a man who looks at images with a critical eye, and I've decided I really would like to see The Photographer again.

Q & A

Alright everyone, I fixed the link on the last post. It was just a link to my blog post entitled February Plan...it could have been found in the archives. But I linked it again.

But I've had enough inquiries to warrant a round of....

Questions and Answers


Why don't you just link to the supplements themselves?

1. I really went into great detail on what I'm taking. I think people should do their own research so that they've designed something that will work for them. After all, not everyone has the same issues that I have.

2. I don't want anyone saying "Well, she said this was going to work, and it didn't, so she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about." I have never claimed and never will claim to know what is better for anyone but myself.

3. If you really want to know where I'm purchasing my supplements from, I will tell you individually via email. Leave me a link to reach you. But I'm not going to publicly endorse any product or get myself into any kind of situation where I'm responsible for someone else's health. I'm focusing on taking care of myself.


Has anyone else tried it?

I know of one friend who has tried one piece of the supplements. I don't know how well it is working for her. Perhaps she'll comment on it.

Honestly, everyone's going to have their own track record with it. I can tell you that if you think you can take the supplements and not alter what or how much you eat and not alter the amount of energy you put out each day (yes exercise), the supplements are not miracle elements. They're not going to just melt off poundage.

What the supplements did for me was profound. It removed a fixation on food. Once that fixation disappeared, well, quite honestly I cried a bit because it was blatantly obvious how empty my life was without that frenemy to rely on as a crutch. But I have had some amazing social experiences so far this year, so that definitely helps fill the void.

Do I attribute the 10 lbs loss mostly to the supplements?

No. And yes. I attribute the loss to the massive downshift on calories coming into the body, which couldn't have happened without removing the constant addictive thought of food from my brain.

If I STILL ate Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, and Dominos for dinner, and took the supplements, I would have probably gained 10 lbs.

The difference is I don't feel the urge to eat like that or really to eat at all. So when I do eat, I just make it as healthy as possible. I'm still off starch/carbs as indicated in 2010 with a Twist. And I still need to step up the exercise. A 10 lb loss in a first month is rarely repeated in a 2nd month, unless someone is on the ridiculous biggest loser show.

Hope that helps.


How are the other goals/aspects you had planned?

Well, the hypnotherapy I wanted so much got put on hold, as the therapist wasn't able to take on my situation as she'd indicated she had. I guess the downside of the alternative methods is that sometimes you deal with a little flakiness. There's another therapist I could go to, but I don't feel the same sense of trust, which I think it key. So I'm waiting it out.

I managed to start saving and contributing to a retirement fund. God knows how, because I have two thoughts: 1. I'm never going to be able to enjoy that money and 2. I could use that money right now.

Very hard for a Sagittarian to plan for the future. We don't trust institutions and we want to live right now. But I'm trying.

30 Day Update

Thirty days ago, I started on these supplements.

Ten days later, I wrote my frenemy a goodbye letter.

Today, for the first time in 30 days, I got on the scale.

I've lost 10 lbs.

Happy camper here.

Over & Out.

The Long Distance Dance

Mr Real Potential has been in contact with me every day since we met on Tuesday. Part of what he wrote on Saturday was about us:

"At the moment, I think I do have to keep this casual, because of my travel and living here in MN. Not that it won't change, but right now, let's just try and enjoy each day however that may be."

Breathe.

This is not a rejection.

This is a good thing. Right? I like the "Not that it won't change..." part. I like that he thinks the same way as I try to: living in the moment.

I'm so used to being fucked around and used, that my 1st reaction is to think, 'Sure, he wants to keep it casual so he can just use me when he's in town.' He's done NOTHING to make me think this way. That's the past talking, and I recognize it and it will stop.

It is important to keep eyes open, stay self-aware, be alert to the things he does and says. Let's remember from our past mistakes, saying is one thing, doing is another. Words are great, actions are better.

The real moment of truth will come the next time Mr Real Potential is in town. And actually, the days and weeks leading up to that next trip. How often am I in his thoughts, how often does he communicate with me, and what his phone calls or emails say. This is the dance of the long-distance possible relationship. It requires skill, and not everyone can do it.

And for me, I've got to lower my emotions a notch or two and not get hyper-attentive or hyper-sensitive on him. No drooling. Engage him in topical conversation. Dogs. Baseball. Perfect timing. The Red Sox season is about to start.

Let's play ball.

Fuhgeddaboudit

Wednesday night I went on another first date. Even though Mr Real Potential was fantastic, I really don't know how he feels about me, and I am trying to learn from my past and not put all my eggs in one basket. More accurately for me, all my desires into one man's broad shoulders.

So my date last night told me online that he was 5'5 but my sister says she's 5'5 and there's no way I'm that much taller standing next to my sister so he had to be 5'3. I loomed over this guy. Lately people have been suggesting in the dating world that we loosen up our criteria and our restrictions on who we will date. Indeed. After all, people who live in glass houses....I'll be the first to admit if I want a little consideration given to me, then I have to do the same.

The height thing isn't anything to do with him....it is about how I feel when I am with him. Yes, my insecurity. A big person doesn't want to feel bigger. And I suppose those who discriminate against me, don't like how they feel around a woman with curves and a kangaroo pouch.

My date paid for everything, told me upfront he was going to show me a great evening. He thought the sun shined on me and told me so. Very complimentary about the eyes. Very confident man with a senior management job with a very established company. Good-looking, very funny, passionate Italian. Yankee fan but not a Red Sox hater. (I remain skeptical on that point.) Says he's searching for a woman with substance, doesn't want the barbie dolls anymore. Has a crazy ex-wife.

Wait....ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Did you just hear the warning bells? How about the red flags? Did you see them?

Hello....I have been there. Done that. And have a movie script in the works about it.

So, I may have been willing to try out the "I'm taller and bigger than you but let's see if it works," but I'm not willing to try out for a supporting role in another Italian soap opera. No way. I invest my four year's worth. An ex-wife - ok. But he used the words "crazy ex-wife" and then went on to explain all about her brand of crazy and years later she's still in his life.

Ummmm yeah no.

Fuhgeddaboudit.

Real Potential

Best date since 2004. Not sure why exactly.

Oh yes wait. The guy was the appropriate amount of into me.

He was neither drooling nor disinterested.

He was funny, had me laughing quickly.

He was a gentleman.

He was adorable. In fact, his photos do him an injustice.

He took the lead immediately. I felt at ease and ....safe around him.

He knows how to kiss. And then some.

He called me kitten, which if someone had said to me prior to that moment, I would have probably frowned and said "What? I'm no kitten." But when he said it, it sounded adorable.

Yes, like puke-you're-too-romantic-for-Sweden adorable.

So it seems Mr Real Potential has entered my life. It would be nice if he decided to stick around. Cross your fingers for me, will you?

As I was heading to my vehicle, I glanced at my phone to see the time (4.5 hour first dates rock), and I see there's an email from Mr S. Honestly, I couldn't plan this kind of timing.

Once home I read it. He's extremely concerned - for himself. Thinks there "might be something wrong" with him because his feelings for me dropped so suddenly.

Yes Mr S, there's something wrong with you all right...you just let a great woman slip away.

Hope Springs Eternal

At least, for the moment it does.

I am...living proof....

A 40-year old CAN still have fun sledding AND live to walk and talk about it the next day.


Isn't my sledding tube cute? And she'll double as a raft down the Delaware. I WILL be going tubing down the Delaware this summer, about time I accomplish a 4-year old wish.

Sledding with my token Jersey male friend Harry Pottypants was a barrel of laughter as well as an incredible workout. The rush of the ride down paired with the rush of climbing that steep hill. All for free! (Minus the price of the sled.) Thank you winter. I can't help but think how much healthier we were as kids because we played outside all the time! We did not realize how great we had it.

So, I've really had it with FaceBook. I don't think I'll be on there updating too much of anything anymore. Maybe an odd photo here and there to keep the growing group of lurkers happy. People who never spoke to me in HS, friending me and then not even bothering to say hello. What is up with that shit? Is that just a cold Connecticut thing or what? I've also completed what I'm calling the Facebook FML* Trinity: the first boyfriend, the college boyfriend, and the ex-husband have all friended me. I keep thinking they should schedule a Donna Conference. DonnaCom in Vegas. I wonder what the 3 of those men would have to say. It would make for an interesting book, or a comic strip at least I think.

Yes, I know, I'm a hard one to forget, and I might be a good one to remember. I just wish there could be a composite of those men available in my life right now.

Which brings me to say, on the eve of the silly, I-can't-help-but watch, fabricated romance of the Bachelor finale, that I have a date this Tuesday night. Not gonna lie, I'm so gun shy after what happened with my cataylst Mr S that part of me is bursting to tell you details about my date-to-be and part of me is thinking that to even mention him is tempting fate's fickle ways.

I can say that this man possesses every quality I could list in a Real Potential partner.

He's from Massachusetts but he's lived in Jersey in recent years.
He loves the Red Sox.
His voice is dreamy.
He likes me....just the way I am...physically. (Hello? Bonus.)
He loves dogs (owns one, by choice, not by default of previous relationship).
He doesn't want to have children.
He's oozing with intelligence...ex-military intelligence to be precise (Cue the MI theme).

So when the world gets to be too much, we could take our pack of dogs and invade some small barely inhabited island country or Bermuda perhaps, set up satellite, and watch the Red Sox for the rest of our lives. There we go, all mapped out.

Oops, did I say I wasn't going to tempt fate by talking about him? Oh well, as Kathy Griffin would say, fate can suck it.

*FML=Fuck My Life. Unhipsters, it's OK, I've got you covered.