total lost: 23 lbs
total days: 42
Well, I guess we know that my weight can fluctuate 2 lbs in 24 hours. How interesting. So I should chill, right? What matters is how much I weighed 7 days ago (xxx lbs), and that's a 3 lb loss. That is still above average for most who are dieting. Not that I'm competing at all, just not my style.
So, today's thoughts are much like previous thoughts.
I am an addict.
Not everyone who needs to lose weight is, but I am. I definitely am. And I have to find a way to live with this addiction. I know I've said this before, but it really hasn't fully sunk into me yet I think. I need to explore it more. I need to consciously live it.
Other people in the forums who started around mid-June like I did, are saying how they can't believe how much food controlled their life, what they did, when they did it, who they did it with, all revolved around food. They're saying that now, 1 and 1/2 months later, they have so much free time and feel released from their bonds with food.
For me, I still seem to be shackled to the need for carbs. Mentally, the bond is tied tightly so I guess I'm still sorting that out.
- Hang out with a friend, I will want to eat and drink...and no, not good food, bad food.
- Watch a movie at home, I will want to have something to put in my mouth.
- Watch a movie in the theater, I must have popcorn.
- Go to the lunch cafeteria with the skinny minnies, I will want to sink into every carb-filled item there.
- Wake up with the taste of pancakes in my mouth. I wasn't even conscious!? WTF?
When will I shake the monkey on my back? Will it always be there, taunting me?
Letting it go, reaching out toward the light, enveloping myself in feeling good, and just stop thinking about food! I think I will start to play the self hypnosis tape while I'm awake in the house instead of just at night.
Why can't I just be happy about my loss so far? Everyone else (with the exception of my Mom) thinks it is great. After all, any weight off is a benefit to my health and happiness. It just doesn't seem like a lot. I don't compare it to anyone else; I know that everyone is different. But I guess it just doesn't seem like a difference. I wonder if it will feel better at 40 lbs lost.
Is that a flaw of mine - I want it all? Or I want too much? Yes, I suppose I've always wanted more than I've had, more than I could possibly get, and always been disappointed.
And I have no patience.
And I give up too soon, on myself.
Ironically, I never give up on others I love.
Hmmm how about that.