Ha. A gain of 7 lbs. Well isn't that just amazing. Three days of not sticking to the diet combined with full throttle PMS, and bam, there goes the weight, right back up. I guess that is evidence that carbs are bad for me. Some pasta, a bagel, fries, and tequila were the main culprits.
And the food didn't make me feel any better, so there's really no reason to eat it. It wasn't the comfort I had thought it would be. And the tequila was nice but I don't have to have it. It was just a matter of convenience, a lazy matter of "I don't care, I feel like I want to die so there..."
At age 37, 6 months away from turning 38, I don't have to feel like I want to die; I am dying. With this weight, I am slowly killing myself. OK so we all make mistakes; I can learn.
I think it is time to start living a life that is worth having my "heart of gold" for. Because I have all this love inside me, a heart of joy and warmth to share, yet I'm held back by all this weight and insecurity about myself. I can't have all that I want when I feel this miserable about myself. It is the ultimate choice.
And for those thoughts about "you should just accept yourself the way you are," well, um no. Because this weight is not WHO I am. This is an uncomfortable body suit that I have been allowing myself to wear to hide the beautiful person that is inside me.
I have to change. I may have lost my motivation in the haze of losing Sena, but I know that she would not give up. So she remains my inspiration. And I have the perfect fast-paced walking companion in Chad. He takes two steps for my every one step. Just as soon as these blisters between my toes heal, we're walking!
I will lose the weight. At my pace, on my terms, using Kimkins, I will lose it. Maybe not in 6 months. But maybe in one year, like I had originally hoped.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."