Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Anyone's Guess

I don't really understand the laws of attraction. How long have I been pining away to be kissed? Months and months. And I finally was....and....well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Foremost lesson learned: NEVER triple-book 1st meets in one weekend. I'm exhausted. I feel like I have politician cheeks from smiling so much. I was certain one would have canceled, but I won't hedge that bet again.

Saturday Lunch Date: This guy needs a name because I'm 98% sure I'll be seeing him again. He's a walking book of knowledge on everything from which herbal remedies work for which ailments to the first song ever recorded by Buddy Guy to public speaking on geology to reiki to gemstone healing to canasta with his grandmother and organizing community games for young adults.

He's 29 year old geek going on 50 and admitted that if he could make a living out of obtaining college degrees then that is what he will do. As for gentlemanly, he opened doors, he was complimentary and he made good eye contact despite his admission that I made him somewhat nervous with my beautiful eyes. He didn't pay because I ordered first and had my money out before he even realized it. I didn't care. This really isn't going to be that type of relationship and as a full-time student, he's strapped for funds. As long as he doesn't ever expect me to pay for him as well, we'll be fine.

I would say I'm fairly attracted to him. He has lovely blue eyes and red hair with a full beard and mustache that without he would probably look like he's 12. He's 5'9 which is fine, my cutoff is my own height 5'7. We had good easy conversation. When we parted I said I was off to buy new undergarments and he said "Oohh, nice, I like a woman in lingerie." I told him that was duly noted. He didn't try to kiss me, but within hours of leaving one another he'd messaged me asking if we could get together again soon, as in next week or weekend. I said sounds like fun. I think we'll call him East Strasburg.

Saturday Night Movie Date: Very funny guy, age 38, dark hair, glasses. But, very small in stature. I felt like a giant. He says he's 5'9 but he is more like 5'6 because I was taller than he was. And just small framed. He has a quick wit sense of humor that I can see enjoying every time. Very good banter between us. Jon Stewart type of humor and delivery of jokes. He has a sad story of a 16-year marriage to his first love and only lover that has left him more than a little gun shy. I think he might be damaged beyond repair but he is well aware. He's just looking for friends. I told him, perfect, we can definitely be friends.

As I looked at him, I wasn't turned on or turned off. Because he was so shut down in some senses, he wasn't giving off any romantic vibe whatsoever. He was giving off more of a brotherly vibe. I couldn't believe he's only ever had sex with one woman. I think we'll call him my Jersey Male Friend (JMF), if we do indeed hang out more. I hope we do. I could use some friends in Jersey.

Enjoyed Leap Year by the way. And the accent of Matthew Goode against the backdrop of Ireland. Need to see what more he's done and bring it to my netflix inbox immediately.

Sunday Lunch Date: We all knew I had reservations about Filmmaker man in his inability to communicate by phone or email well. But I still went because the field is already narrowed down by "must love dogs and must not mind weight" so if they get past those two barriers, I think they deserve a chance. I wanted this date to go well. I wanted to start dating a man from MA who makes films, lives in his father's old house that has a pond and woods and a perfect place for dogs.

The man I met is struggling. He's 40 and he has to live with his brother for financial reasons. Yet he's living his dream of trying to make films. But he's so incredibly boring. I asked every question imaginable, I tried to pick his brain about his industry, his work process, sharing my writing process to see if we could compare. I asked him what he does for fun, he didn't have an answer. I asked him what did for New Year's, he didn't have an answer. I asked him if he ever comes into NYC, he said (and I quote) "Not since they cleaned it up." And went on to say a group of guys would go to Times Square for porn. I asked if he's traveled. Not out of the country. I know, not everyone can afford it. He's spent a huge amount of money on his movie, his baby, that he's trying to shop around buyers. I admire that he's chasing his dream. God knows I wish I could be chasing mine.

But when it comes right down to it, I did not feel attracted to him, to who he is, despite blond hair, blue eyes. His brother on the other hand, of course, I found very attractive. (No, he wasn't there, but he stars in the Filmmaker's films.) Filmmaker man did pay, insisted on paying in fact. He had nice manners, opening doors, helping me hang my coat, but didn't ask any questions of interest about me or my life.

I did thank him with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. And he came back with a bear hug that wouldn't let go and then landed a huge kiss on my lips, pulling away and then coming in again with lips open as I started to say something and hands on my face to keep my face still. Bam, the tongue. I thought I would gag, it was so unexpected. He didn't even wait to see if I was responding, he just bulldozed right in. I had to stand my ground, lips closed and push against him slightly.

Luckily the static of the dry air gave us both a shock and I shivered from the cold and said I should go while he said "That shock is just because I'm such a good kisser." Ummm, yeah. Not so much. He asked what I was doing for the "long weekend" and I couldn't understand. Oh MLK Day, right, we don't have that off. Did I mention I work for Ze Zermans. Yeah so, I expect he'll pursue me and I'll have to tell him I'm not interested.

So.......why does this all feel so wrong? What the hell is up with the laws of attraction? Why am I not attracted to this man and his obvious interest in me? Hell if I know.



S. said...

Ah, I love the recaps! :-)

Nice t'meetcha tongue kissers? Probably my biggest fear from online dating meet and greets. :-)

Sarah said...

What's with the immediate tongue action? I like a little build up. Does that make me a prude?

I love the summary though. Sounds like a busy and exhausting weekend. :)

Graciela said...

Chemistry between human beings is a very real phenomenon. I think it has something to do with pheromones. And if Mr. Filmmaker isn't putting out the right pheromones to you, you won't be attracted.

Plus he just sounds weird. It's hard to be attracted to weird.

Me said...

It's a real shame you can't pick and choose the bits of individuals that you like, to create someone who is ideal. Anyway, it's good that you are getting "out there".

Flea said...

Oo! Oo! Door number one, Monty! Door number one! He's young, but has so much going for him. He's young.

I really hope some friendships develop out of the first two. Sounds like that would be nice. :)

MissMelisaMae said...

Sounds to me like if nothing else comes of it, you may have found yourself two decent friends. As for filmmaker, I think you are correct in your assumptions to let him go. If you are bored now, imagine how bored you will be down the road. And trust me, as a fellow Sag...you WILL be bored to death!

And there's no law that says just because someone is attracted to you that you have to return the favor. They are attracted to you because you are smart, beautiful and have a great sense of humor. You don't return the feelings because they just can't measure up to what you have to offer. Also, I know to blame something on chemistry (or lack thereof) is played out and cliche but it's true. You just can't force feelings to be there that just aren't.

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.