Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Revelation = Revolution

I've had a bit of a revelation. Let's face it....and, by the way, this is not sour grapes...

I am GLAD....no, THRILLED actually....that Mr Listener is not attracted to this 265 lb body. I mean, far more people are far more overweight and far less appealing in other ways personality-wise etc, however I'm talking about me, not anyone else.

In fact, if I am downright honest with myself, I'd be worried if he was attracted to this body because that would mean a great chance he wouldn't truly want me to be the best I could be, he wouldn't want me to change for the better, and he would unknowingly assist in derailing my motivation.

Instead he has stated what is quite obviously the main glitch in my future happiness, with myself and with anyone.

Granted, the body is merely the vessel, the shell, that encloses the really important stuff. But it should still be the way that I would like it to be rather than as an afterthought and full of future health issues.

It seems even clearer now to me that nothing is more important than resolving this issue in my life, because until it is I cannot live the life I envision and deserve.


So, I've started reading (yes, I know, I have about SEVEN books I've "started" reading!) The Gabriel Method and listening to the visualization CD. Two days only so far. Interesting stuff. He was on the Today show.


Thursday, April 30
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 73
AVERAGE heart rate: 135
Max heart rate: 166
Workout mode: CARDIO set at 155 HR @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 301 Distance: 1.27 Time: 30:00

Note: Just could not do more. Felt weak. But at least I went.


Willow said...

Amazing that I found your journal at this point in my life. I too am well into the 200's. I too have been told recently by a man that my body was not attractive to him. Lovingly told. Holding me and almost crying when he admitted it.
The only difference is, that it's my wonderful husband of 12 years breaking this to me. No, he's not cheating, nor is he or has he ever considered it. I am his BFF he tells me. He is mine. We laugh ALL the time. He supports me in all that I do. His heart was breaking as he broke mine. I love him enough and I love myself enough to appreciate the honesty it took, because I know it came from a place of love. I will get healthier, and our marriage will be even better that it already is. Which we both think and say is amazing already.
I was and am embarassed and devastated, I won't lie.
So, I've been getting myself back together. Focusing on me. Finally. It's been a long, long time since I've done that.

Sarah said...

If this motivates you, then it's great. I know I certainly need motivation to do what needs to be done. But I'm not sure I could be so... um.. not offended by the message. You are stronger than I am!

Carolina Girl said...

All I can say is proud. Of you!

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
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