I've had a bit of a revelation. Let's face it....and, by the way, this is not sour grapes...
I am GLAD....no, THRILLED actually....that Mr Listener is not attracted to this 265 lb body. I mean, far more people are far more overweight and far less appealing in other ways personality-wise etc, however I'm talking about me, not anyone else.
In fact, if I am downright honest with myself, I'd be worried if he was attracted to this body because that would mean a great chance he wouldn't truly want me to be the best I could be, he wouldn't want me to change for the better, and he would unknowingly assist in derailing my motivation.
Instead he has stated what is quite obviously the main glitch in my future happiness, with myself and with anyone.
Granted, the body is merely the vessel, the shell, that encloses the really important stuff. But it should still be the way that I would like it to be rather than as an afterthought and full of future health issues.
It seems even clearer now to me that nothing is more important than resolving this issue in my life, because until it is I cannot live the life I envision and deserve.
So, I've started reading (yes, I know, I have about SEVEN books I've "started" reading!) The Gabriel Method and listening to the visualization CD. Two days only so far. Interesting stuff. He was on the Today show.
Thursday, April 30
Life Fitness Treadmill
Standing heart rate: 73
AVERAGE heart rate: 135
Max heart rate: 166
Workout mode: CARDIO set at 155 HR @ 2.8 mph
Calories: 301 Distance: 1.27 Time: 30:00
Note: Just could not do more. Felt weak. But at least I went.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."