So, is it just bad luck, bummed genes, or some other cosmic reason that everything that tastes delicious to me is bad for me? Just can't figure it out. I prefer carbs the way that a crackhead needs crack. Ask a doctor this question and you get a glib response, "Your tastebuds were just trained that way" or some comment about how we're just no longer the hunter-gatherers that we used to be. Um....OK....there's a reason not to have children if ever there was one. 38 years ago no one was telling my mother to limit the amount of carbs to her children.
Do you know that I would have to be physically active 24 hours a day 7 days a week if I wanted to eat carbs at every meal? So, thinking about a lifestyle change in jobs, that means I should become a circus performer who also has to break down and set up the tents, and pull the equipment down the road like a mule. Hmm. In all seriousness, WHO is active 24/7? Not too many people who aren't consider deranged in some capacity I think.
Then there is the school of thought: Just be happy as you are. Healthy but happy with the current weight. Um. No. Not possible. First of all, healthy is a must now with the back pain. Another 40 lbs is vital to my future pain-free back. At least. But setting that aside, I'm tired of only being able to shop in one or two stores for clothes. I'm tired of not fitting into a seat at a concert without squishing my thighs or bumping up against the stranger next to me. I'm tired of not being able to go on a roller coaster! I'm tired of having to select "A few extra pounds" or "heavy" and not "average" on body type.
And this IS about me. It isn't about what someone else thinks. It isn't about the guy who doesn't want to date me. It isn't about the company management or staff members who don't respect me. It isn't about my family or my friends, who love me the way I am. This is about how I feel about myself. It always has been and it always will be.
The question is:
Am I tired enough of the things I don't have to give up the carbs?
Do I want the things I can't have MORE than I want that bowl of pasta?
Every damn day.
Every beautiful day.
Every time I put something in my mouth.
Do I want it enough?!
I'm so tired of asking myself the question.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."