Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

BuhBye 2008

morning weight: 10 lbs more than last January

No excuses. There it is. When I take stock of the last year, I have simply not loved myself more than I have loved the comfort of food. And I have not found a friend to replace the food. And I have not become my own friend.

heavy blue sigh

Oh well. I will try not to beat myself up too much because it does no good. As shown by a friend who works out 6 days a week, exercise is SO important. Such a key element to feeling good and looking good. She knows it, I know it. She does it. I have to do it. Where should I be tonight when the clock strikes midnight? I should be at the gym. Will I be there? No. Will I go tomorrow? Maybe. What is wrong with my lazy ass? I'm going to be alone forever, there is really no support except myself. Here, in this room I meant. Not here, in this virtual space. I know you're all there for me. But I'm the only one in my head (I think...).

I've been writing, trying to flesh out the plotline of my novel. That's positive.

I signed up for a self-publishing account at Createspace. That's positive.

I'm thinking of my poetry in terms of a collection rather than "oh those things from that year and those things from that timeframe." That's positive.

I have 6 books lined up to read. Haven't done that in a while, due to work being so difficult on my eyes. I used to read constantly. Makes me a better writer. Will get back to it. That's positive.

I have to give the hunt for a man a rest. I'm talking about the actual prowl, not if they show me interest - that's a different story. Mr Harry Potter wants to be uber casual so yeah, whatever. He's a strange bird by his own omission, preferring to be alone on NYE. This is me not caring. I always thought when I was smoking hot they'd be knocking down my door. That's....delusional, but hey that's me, the child of an alcoholic family, we hide in our delusions.

Morning snowfall is exceptionally beautiful here on the lake. We're only going to get about 2 inches whereas my luckyduck friends and family to the north are going to get up to a foot of snow. Of course, most of them hate it. It halts life as they know it. That's part of what I love about it, the fact that you can't control something. The freedom that comes from giving up that control. Ahhhhh bliss.

I don't even know what I did last year for NYE. And I don't think it'll be much different this year.

I leave 2008 behind with a gorgeous sunset, one of the lingering reminders that this will probably be my last winter here in this rental.

(Yes, it does look like space invaders. I'm waiting for the mother ship.)


Jen said...

Wow, those pictures are gorgeous.
I agree with you about putting the hunt on hold - sometimes its better when you are not looking.
Good luck with the novel -that sounds awesome.
Happy New Year!!

Carolina Girl said...

Those pictures are beautiful! Makes me want to take a big deep breath, sit down with a cup of cocoa and a good book.

I hope 2009 is wonderful for you. I too need a fresh start, as I am about 10 pounds heavier as well. Big sigh. And you are right - as much support as we have from each other, it's US that has to do it. Maybe this year - something will click. I'm writing out my goals as we speak, but changing them so that they aren't so daunting. Such as, instead of "lose 10, 20, 5000 pounds" I'm saying "run 3 miles without stopping on the treadmill." We'll see how it goes.

Big hugs to you!

Graciela said...

Happy New Year to you, Ms. True Heart! I hope all your dreams come TRUE in 2009!

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.