Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Wolf in Me

morning weight: 276 lbs

I want to thank everyone who read, commented, and donated to my birthday charity drive. I am extremely proud to announce that $260.00 was raised in one day for Mica's IMHA Research Fund. It's never too late to donate and never too little an amount. I'm going to keep Mica's photo over near Sena's and if anyone feels the urge to donate and mentions my blog to Mel, I'll add $5 to their donation, whatever their amount.

I am feeling very much under the weather. Throat so sore I can barely swallow. But I must go into work (and infect my coworkers). I wish I could stay home, really. Maybe I can leave early.

So what did I do on my birthday night? I paid a well-trained professional to put his hands on me. Yes. For those of you who always wanted to know, it feels amazing to be with a professional. I'm not sure I'll ever have it any other way now. Oh you thought I meant....get your mind out of the gutter, that's where mine usually is! Well, I did have the most intense pleasure you can get without having sex I think. I had a massage. So I pay a hella lot of money to be touched once a month. My skin appreciates it!

I turned down a "come to the bar and I'll buy you a drink" invitation from James. I wasn't at all in the mood for the bar scene and I told him that, thinking perhaps he'd compromise and agree to meet me elsewhere instead. But no, the hockey game was on and he was already entrenched. And drinking. Did I mention drinking? Yeah. A little too much for me.

On Saturday, however, James accompanied me to the Lakota Wolf Preserve. He expressed an affinity to wolves from the first conversation we had, but I did not see evidence of this on Saturday. Instead of being in awe, he complained a lot. But I was able to tune out most of his negativity the moment I locked on sight of a wolf. The world just sort of fell away for me. This isn't the first time I've seen wolves, but it is never any less amazing. I have definitely somehow missed my calling or have yet to find it, as the wolves still beckon so strongly to me that I longed to just slip between the fences and be surrounded by them. Even if they were to devour me, though I suspect they'd sense my submissive energy to them, but even if they were to devour me, somehow I feel that would be alright. It is an existential thing, I can't explain it. I am looking into visiting the Wolf Research Center in Idaho as well. When something stays with you for years, there is a reason. Most of the photos I took don't come even close to the magnificent beauty I saw. I need to go back and just be in their presence some more.

The mid-day trip concluded, not with a kiss, not with a "so glad I got to share this with you" or a "happy birthday" but it concluded with James saying he wanted to go drink and he made it quite clear that he did not want to drink with me. And that's just about as much of a neon sign as I need to know that this guy is not someone I want to get too close to.



Soxy Deb said...

Sorry about James. Sorry your feeling badly.
The massage sounds great. I know it was - I love em too.
The wolf preserve looks amazing. We had a Syberian Husky and everyone thought he was a wolf. He was all white with the bluest eyes. And boy was he a sweetheart.

I guess you didn't do a movie huh?

Monday weight check in: 173.5
Holdin steady. I was at 172 even on Thursday but I guess the potato soup wasn't on the list either. Lol. Not too bad. I need to do better this week.

Anonymous said...

Wolves are amazing. My daughters can sit and watch wolves at the reserves for hours on end. When ever someone wants to get them a present, they want to 'adopt a wolf'.

As for James, it sounds like his first and only passion is drinking. You can do better. Find someone with some real passions, and enough heart to share yours with you as well.

Carolina Girl said...

Wolves are so beautiful. They are just so awesome to watch - I'm jealous you got to go see them! I would love to have one as a pet -- however, I am not sure my kitties would agree to that. Ha!

James sounds like a first step - I've had several of those. Someone that gets you out of the house, someone that at least keeps you company for a while, but you know eventually is not for you. First steps are good. You have to have them to get to step 2. That's my theory anyways. But Lord, when I look back at all the duds over the last few years...geez. Ok, sorry where was I? Positivity here! hee hee

I'm going to start your "therapy" treatments you send me this weekend. I can't wait. I hope it works!

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.