morning weight: 276 lbs
I want to thank everyone who read, commented, and donated to my birthday charity drive. I am extremely proud to announce that $260.00 was raised in one day for Mica's IMHA Research Fund. It's never too late to donate and never too little an amount. I'm going to keep Mica's photo over near Sena's and if anyone feels the urge to donate and mentions my blog to Mel, I'll add $5 to their donation, whatever their amount.
I am feeling very much under the weather. Throat so sore I can barely swallow. But I must go into work (and infect my coworkers). I wish I could stay home, really. Maybe I can leave early.
So what did I do on my birthday night? I paid a well-trained professional to put his hands on me. Yes. For those of you who always wanted to know, it feels amazing to be with a professional. I'm not sure I'll ever have it any other way now. Oh you thought I meant....get your mind out of the gutter, that's where mine usually is! Well, I did have the most intense pleasure you can get without having sex I think. I had a massage. So I pay a hella lot of money to be touched once a month. My skin appreciates it!
I turned down a "come to the bar and I'll buy you a drink" invitation from James. I wasn't at all in the mood for the bar scene and I told him that, thinking perhaps he'd compromise and agree to meet me elsewhere instead. But no, the hockey game was on and he was already entrenched. And drinking. Did I mention drinking? Yeah. A little too much for me.
On Saturday, however, James accompanied me to the Lakota Wolf Preserve. He expressed an affinity to wolves from the first conversation we had, but I did not see evidence of this on Saturday. Instead of being in awe, he complained a lot. But I was able to tune out most of his negativity the moment I locked on sight of a wolf. The world just sort of fell away for me. This isn't the first time I've seen wolves, but it is never any less amazing. I have definitely somehow missed my calling or have yet to find it, as the wolves still beckon so strongly to me that I longed to just slip between the fences and be surrounded by them. Even if they were to devour me, though I suspect they'd sense my submissive energy to them, but even if they were to devour me, somehow I feel that would be alright. It is an existential thing, I can't explain it. I am looking into visiting the Wolf Research Center in Idaho as well. When something stays with you for years, there is a reason. Most of the photos I took don't come even close to the magnificent beauty I saw. I need to go back and just be in their presence some more.
The mid-day trip concluded, not with a kiss, not with a "so glad I got to share this with you" or a "happy birthday" but it concluded with James saying he wanted to go drink and he made it quite clear that he did not want to drink with me. And that's just about as much of a neon sign as I need to know that this guy is not someone I want to get too close to.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."