Losing Weight; Finding Men

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Too Poor to Be a Social Butterfly

I don't think I've ever typed or said these words before, so they should be in sparkly letters if only they could be:

I went out alone last night to a bar where a band was playing.

Not just any band. A Bruce Springsteen tribute band that has been playing for 30 years; almost as long as The Boss himself.

But going alone. Let me tell you - that was the incredibly hard part. Harder than getting to Hoboken without actually going thru the Lincoln Tunnel accidentally. So hard that I spent a long time trying to talk myself out of it. But damn, I'm SO sick of sitting home alone, that when a genuine event that I would enjoy came up, I could not let it pass by. It just happened to be in a bar. Ugh.

Hard enough I think for a middle-aged woman to walk into a bar alone on a Saturday night. But add weight to that woman's hips, thighs, ass, face, etc, and you might as well paint her as invisible. Which is absolutely what happens, and unless you've ever been both fat and thinner, you can't recognize the difference. Even the doorman takes the guy's ID to check first despite you standing there. Even the crush of people you have to push through to get to the back where the band is playing don't give you a 2nd glance. You're just an amoeba squishing your way past them.

But I took a page out of the "Things I Learned in Vegas" play book. I simply remembered that not only did I not know any of these people, but chances were very high that I would never see any of them again. So, forget about them, and just put a smile on my face and have fun.

Well, a Sagittarian's idea of fun is usually a little left of center. I wasn't going to be a total wallflower, no, everyone had to look at me last night. Because I was rocking my Santa hat. People were going to notice this fat ass or at least the face that sat beneath the hat. I went with a black boatneck cotton shirt because it was comfortable and light under that wool hat but still showed a bit of shoulder. Jeans. And my 2 inch heel cowboy boots. Today I can't walk, but hey, it was worth it.

Got some courage on the rocks right away at the bar, because it is definitely good to have something in your hand as you try not to spill it on everyone mingling through the crowd. Then I went to meet the stage crew guy who made me aware this band existed. I thanked him profusely in my excitement to be there, and waited curiously for the band. I thought at the start, how good could they really be? I've seen Springsteen live so many times....

The crowd was a mix of young and older, typical Bruce fans. Over the course of the night, many (like 7 or 8 I think) guys wanted to play with the white ball on the end of my hat. (Freud, anyone?) They tapped it, sending it swinging from one side to the other.

One guy took the hat right off my head, which allowed me to say, "Oh you must be on the naughty list...." Took him totally off guard. Yes, he was cute. Young, but cute.

After his initial surprise, he gave a married (ring on the hand holding his drink) sheepish grin and the reply "No actually, I've been a very very good boy." Hmmm, had some temptations this year?

The band did two sets and by the end of the first set, the crowd was pretty hammered. I saw women throwing themselves against men's bodies - it was basically sex with your clothes still on. Amazing what alcohol can do. Of course, the guys were loving it. The guys who weren't getting it done to them, simply watched it being done to others. It was like a total peep show. And I'm a liberal poly-open all love all the time freak. Maybe it just bothered me because I wasn't doing it.

Anyway, so glad I was there for the music, and not to try to meet men. Not my ideal way to meet a guy, never has been, never will be. But I found some older, non-drinking Springsteen fans at the side of the stage and chatted with them.

And how good was the band? The band was so good that I actually dreamed about hiring them to play a private party, which they do. Ha. Sure if I could afford it. At least, they're the next best thing to seeing the E Street Band live. Score one more point for Jersey.

All in all though, it was an expensive night to be flying solo. I am glad I went, but I am too poor to be a social butterfly on a regular basis.

$16 - parking
$10 - cover charge
$17 - 2 drinks
$4 - hot chocolate and croissant breakfast on way home
unknown - tolls & gas


Carolina Girl said...

REALLY proud of you for going! Don't know if I could have. I hate going places by myself, especially a bar. So kudos to you sister! That band sounds awesome!

Me said...

Anyone who can wear a Santa hat at a bar has what I'd call 'real courage'. Congrats.

Sarah said...

WOW! I'm so proud of you!! I have never gone to a bar alone. I know I couldn't do it. I'm so glad you did. Now you just need to figure out a way to have more disposable income so you can do it more often.

Donna C said...

Wow...nice job. You've got boat-loads of courage, girl! Alone & w/a santa hat! The only time I've gone to a bar alone is to see my hubby play! ;-)
Too bad it's such an expensive outing...yuck.

Anonymous said...

$40++ for the evening isn't too bad. The money you spent will help you remember the evening.

7-8 guys playing with your hat shows a lot of interest. Nothing wrong with that.

Think you should do that again--also look at other options for going out. Meet more people. Don't worry about going alone. I often go alone--bring a little notebook and write unless I meet someone interesting. You can't tell about that anymore--tons of folks alone would love a little company.

I go to a coffee shop, bar, deli, or all-night diner...everywhere. Most times it's not too expensive

Sometimes someone stops after going to the john and asks me what I am writing. So, I say I write novels. "Should I know you," they ask.

"Not yet," I say. Ususally they look at me strangely and move on, but sometimes they want to sit down and talk even if they are with others.

Occasionally, it's a lady and after a while I say, "Your friends are looking at us."

She says, "Let 'em look." Hands me a card or a napkin and says, "Write something down on the other side. Maybe, I'll call you call you. See how the novel is going."

Had a lot of interesting conversations over that notebook, but mostly life is a bit dull. It might be even more dull if I stayed at home all the time.

Go to a deli next time before you go back to a bar--or maybe a dinner place where they have a piano player.

A friend

MissMelisaMae said...

Boy, did you nail it on the head when you said "a Sagittarian's idea of fun is usually a little left of center". You couldn't be more right! Damn D, I wish I was there with you. We would have had a blast! And I'm so proud of you going in there despite not having a date. AND rocking the hat to boot! That rocks! I feel the sudden urge to hug you and do a shot of tequila with you! MUAH!

Graciela said...

You are very brave to have gone to see the band by yourself...I don't think I'd have the nerve.

Big Hugs for having major guts!

♥Georgie♥ said...

I could never go out alone BRAVO to you! yanno i so wish we lived closer I just know we would be great friends!!!!

Maruska Morena said...

Alone at a bar with a Santa Hat? Honestly, what could be better? (well once you grow the gigantic balls and drink an ounce or two of courage).

Kudos to you. :)

Julie said...

I wanna be you when I grow up. Hell I've only been to ONE movie by myself in my 48 years of life. Sigh.

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.