I don't think I've ever typed or said these words before, so they should be in sparkly letters if only they could be:
I went out alone last night to a bar where a band was playing.
Not just any band. A Bruce Springsteen tribute band that has been playing for 30 years; almost as long as The Boss himself.
But going alone. Let me tell you - that was the incredibly hard part. Harder than getting to Hoboken without actually going thru the Lincoln Tunnel accidentally. So hard that I spent a long time trying to talk myself out of it. But damn, I'm SO sick of sitting home alone, that when a genuine event that I would enjoy came up, I could not let it pass by. It just happened to be in a bar. Ugh.
Hard enough I think for a middle-aged woman to walk into a bar alone on a Saturday night. But add weight to that woman's hips, thighs, ass, face, etc, and you might as well paint her as invisible. Which is absolutely what happens, and unless you've ever been both fat and thinner, you can't recognize the difference. Even the doorman takes the guy's ID to check first despite you standing there. Even the crush of people you have to push through to get to the back where the band is playing don't give you a 2nd glance. You're just an amoeba squishing your way past them.
But I took a page out of the "Things I Learned in Vegas" play book. I simply remembered that not only did I not know any of these people, but chances were very high that I would never see any of them again. So, forget about them, and just put a smile on my face and have fun.
Well, a Sagittarian's idea of fun is usually a little left of center. I wasn't going to be a total wallflower, no, everyone had to look at me last night. Because I was rocking my Santa hat. People were going to notice this fat ass or at least the face that sat beneath the hat. I went with a black boatneck cotton shirt because it was comfortable and light under that wool hat but still showed a bit of shoulder. Jeans. And my 2 inch heel cowboy boots. Today I can't walk, but hey, it was worth it.
Got some courage on the rocks right away at the bar, because it is definitely good to have something in your hand as you try not to spill it on everyone mingling through the crowd. Then I went to meet the stage crew guy who made me aware this band existed. I thanked him profusely in my excitement to be there, and waited curiously for the band. I thought at the start, how good could they really be? I've seen Springsteen live so many times....
The crowd was a mix of young and older, typical Bruce fans. Over the course of the night, many (like 7 or 8 I think) guys wanted to play with the white ball on the end of my hat. (Freud, anyone?) They tapped it, sending it swinging from one side to the other.
One guy took the hat right off my head, which allowed me to say, "Oh you must be on the naughty list...." Took him totally off guard. Yes, he was cute. Young, but cute.
After his initial surprise, he gave a married (ring on the hand holding his drink) sheepish grin and the reply "No actually, I've been a very very good boy." Hmmm, had some temptations this year?
The band did two sets and by the end of the first set, the crowd was pretty hammered. I saw women throwing themselves against men's bodies - it was basically sex with your clothes still on. Amazing what alcohol can do. Of course, the guys were loving it. The guys who weren't getting it done to them, simply watched it being done to others. It was like a total peep show. And I'm a liberal poly-open all love all the time freak. Maybe it just bothered me because I wasn't doing it.
Anyway, so glad I was there for the music, and not to try to meet men. Not my ideal way to meet a guy, never has been, never will be. But I found some older, non-drinking Springsteen fans at the side of the stage and chatted with them.
And how good was the band? The band was so good that I actually dreamed about hiring them to play a private party, which they do. Ha. Sure if I could afford it. At least, they're the next best thing to seeing the E Street Band live. Score one more point for Jersey.
All in all though, it was an expensive night to be flying solo. I am glad I went, but I am too poor to be a social butterfly on a regular basis.
$16 - parking
$10 - cover charge
$17 - 2 drinks
$4 - hot chocolate and croissant breakfast on way home
unknown - tolls & gas
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."