Friday, August 10, 2007
Am I broken and can I be fixed?
total lost: 28 lbs
total days: 54
Well, am I?
Am I broken?
Can I be fixed?
Look at that loss, isn't it fantastic? Almost 2 months, almost 30 lbs.
So what's wrong?
*blue sigh*
The heart is willing, but the brain is still working this out. I can't seem to handle the trigger stress about money without reaching for the comfort of food.
Yesterday I got hit with news that my landlord wanted to raise my rent, after being told a month previously that the lease would be renewed as is. So needless to say, I was confused, upset, and trying to calculate how I could afford an increase when my cost of living expenses have skyrocketed and my salary has dropped. Anyway, the issue has ended up with a loophole because he missed the timeframe to offer me new terms on a renewed lease so I get another year at the same rate. But I didn't know that this morning. I thought I was going to have to move this morning.
Anyway, last night I was OK. There isn't anything in the house for me to go wild on, unless I eat 10 fat free fudgicles in a row, but even then it isn't like ordering an entire pizza or something. But this morning, I had to drive down Temptation Road and when I saw Calandria's coming up, I just knew I was pulling in there. Yup, one loaf (at least I went small) of semolina bread.
The smell nearly made me drool. And the taste was incredible. And now all day I am thinking about this. Why did I do it? Why couldn't I have resisted? And what's the big deal? It was just a small loaf of bread, like tiny pieces of melba toast, but extremely fresh.
The big deal is that if I cannot control my impulses, how am I going to keep myself for the rest of my life at 160? How am I going to maintain when life hits me with a wild pitch?
I need a way to handle the stress differently. I should have exercised, yes. But it was pouring rain and I do mean heavy rain, not the wimpy drizzle. I should have.....what?
What should I have done to avoid that moment in the car? Called someone? My emergency diet police. That's still a temporary fix. What's the long-term answer?
Any suggestions?
Time will tell.
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Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.
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