"You belong among the wildflowers...
You belong somewhere you feel free."
There is no doubt that I have been well aware that today was my sweet Sena's birthday. I purposely booked my flight for tomorrow because of it. But I didn't think it would hit me so hard. I was distraught this morning waking up in tears at 5 am. I have been so good for so long, so strong for months. I have been able to remember the good she gave me. But today, today I am both drawn to her ashes and repulsed at the thought that I would be. For that is not her. She is not there. She is everywhere. I should take a walk because she is in the air and the trees and the lake and in every other puppy's eye.
1996 brought the most beautiful soul into the world. She nearly died of parvo at 11 weeks, and her survival of that experience bonded her to me in the most incredible way. Before I even knew this, I named her after a mythological wolf that saved an entire race of people. There quickly became no doubt that she was here to protect me, many times from others, and at least twice from myself.
She carried herself in the most alpha female way. She was my supermodel herding superstar. She kept everything in order. She knew quite well that there was no one else who would care for me the way she did, and she tried to tell me this through the end of my marriage and several relationships. Only in the end did I realize just how right she was.
I'll never forget our walks. She would scout up ahead and always loop back or stop and wait for me. She would never let me out of her sight. And she was the perfect business partner when I opened my dog walking service. To gain that edge on the competition, I offered unique one-hour, off-leash walks for up to 5 dogs at a time. More energy expended, more socializing = happier dog = happier client. Sena was my professional handler. Not only would she encourage the other dogs to play by instigating games, but she would always keep the peace amongst the boisterous young males and she would always round up any dog who dared to stray too far from the pack. She was the key to my business success and she loved her job because it meant we were together all the time. She hated me working in an office and I did too.
I remember the day we were working when she sliced open several pads on her front paw. We were more than a mile from the truck and I had four other dogs with me. Her pain tolerance was so high. She was so brave, not whimpering, not limping as the blood gushed so much that I thought she would bleed to death. I carried her the last half mile and she was so indignant about it as I tried to stem the flow of blood with my palm. When we reached the emergency room of the vet school, the blood had drenched my shirt and she was licking the tears off my face and refusing to let them take her for treatment without me. Adrenaline was coursing through the both of us that day, and I swear we could have taken out an army around us like a tag team of wild wolves if we had to do so.
People often crossed the street to avoid us, thinking in their innocent ignorance that she was a wolf. So many people have never seen a real wolf, they just have no idea. She was no wolf; she was my angel.
I want her spirit to live inside me. I want to be the strong confident female who never flinches but loves unconditionally.
Losing Weight; Finding Men
"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option."