Losing Weight; Finding Men

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Condiments Could Kill

This is a PSA folks...

(Pssst, I don't think this qualifies as a TMI post for LiLu, who is a really kickass fun former-Masshole blogger. I just can't match those gross-out levels she and her pals achieve! I'm not worthy! But if you enjoy some grossed out things, check out her TMI Thursday posts. You will laugh and be horrified.)

At 3 AM on Wednesday morning, I had a Jimi Hendrix experience. Sadly, I'm not talking about a drug-induced trippy fun hallucination. I'm talking about puking in my sleep, on my back, and thinking I was going to die by method of choking.

Putting aside the fact that I haven't thrown up in.....YEARS....I've come close but not actual....

This was the most frightening experience I've had in a while.

And then I proceeded to hurl for several hours. To the point where my throat burned like the worst hot sauce in the world had been poured down it for days. And then the rest of my body decided to participate in the festivities until I didn't know which part of my body to put on the toilet. I was half-anticipating blood to start coming out my eyes.

Oh yeah, fun times.

So there I am thinking.....WTF, am I going to die of swine flu two days before my cousin's wedding?

Took my temperature. Normal. Normal. Normal.

How is that possible? I just emptied my entire body of all fluids imaginable.

But no, no fever. And no fever, means no infection, thus no swine flu.

So I laid there in bed as no less than 5 different people tried to communicate with me via 5 different media methods. Crackberry in one hand, laptop on the pillow, I tried to just be motionless as much as possible for as long as possible. And oh I do so <3 technology because my Flittering Mr Italia can virtually send me cups of cammy tea with honey, as I wondered what in the hell was wrong with me in all my pasty dry mouth knotty snotty glory.

Was it that I just hated work so much that I made myself sick? Possibly, but spontaneous puking out of a dead sleep did not seem to be my brand of neurotic-based acts.

It wasn't until later when I boldly ventured into the kitchen for a cup of weak tea that I even thought about what I'd eaten. Everything I ate, I'd cooked myself. For days.

I happened to see the jar of minced garlic.

The mega huge 32-ounce jar of minced garlic.

The mega huge 32-ounce jar of minced garlic that I've had for.....ever. Years? Hmmm.

I love garlic, I've used 3/4th of that jar I'm proud to say.

And yes, I have had garlic for the past 3 days as a garnish in my plain yogurt as a sauce for my chicken. And yes, it has been some time since I used it before this week, and I had always sauteed it into things, not used it raw.

I glanced closer at the jar. Expiration date: April.

Check your condiments people. Do it today.

You'll thank me. Trust.


Maruska Morena said...

Eeeek... so not good! I always use fresh myself. Never think much about most of my condiments.

Hopefully you're well soon!

S. said...

Ugh, yikes! I hope you're feeling better. :-(

Ice Queen said...

I've always worried about my condiments and people tell me I'm crazy. Now I can prove to them that I'm not!

Hope you're doing better. I'm glad you woke up before choking.

Sarah said...

How awful! I hope you're feeling better now.

LiLu said...

Aww, thanks for the shout out, hon! ;-)

♥georgie♥ said...

OMGosh...I hope your better!!!
good advice checking the expiration dates on all food jars/cans which have a longer shelf life BUt in my case still expire lol

I use fresh garlic b/c I am a garlic FEIGN but never tried it on yogurt!

I hope you'll post pics of you at the wedding...what are wearing?

Please tell me you did in fact receive your SSS q&a...I am loosing my brain...

MissMelisaMae said...

Oh man, so sorry to hear you were sick. I hope you are feeling better! I hope you were able to at least make it to the wedding. There's always something blogworthy that comes out of one of those!

I'll take your words of advice about the condiments. Although, I think one actually has to have food in the fridge to actually worry about expiration dates ;-)


Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.

you're like butter to me

Just a Lovable Party Girl

Just a Lovable Party Girl
Sagittarius is born to travel the world and move upwards and outwards. Naturally gregarious, they love the idea of meeting different people and understanding foreign cultures. There is also a desire to broaden the mind too, with the possibility of many Sagittarians being lifelong students. Their outlook is generally optimistic and there is a distinct lack of concern over the smaller, practical details. A great sense of humor and a lack of petty mindedness are Sagittarian qualities too. Sagittarius is open -- open-minded, open-hearted and generous, up to a point. They like to get value and will not be quite so impulsive with their cash but they do have a natural ability to get on with people from many varied walks of life. They have an innate sense of wanting to help others and give them a hand up the ladder and can be wonderful and exciting companions. Expect an honest answer when you ask a question and maybe some long philosophic discussions into the night. Jovial, optimistic, versatile, open-minded, philosophical, sincere, frank, visionary.